How long after a loss?

**juniper76** · May 13th, 2013, 11:06 AM

You absolutely should take the time to grieve. You've lost so much; bottling that up will only cause you more pain in the long run. I hope your ILs understand and respect your request for a little space.

Sorry to hear you've had so many complications. I hope you will have a much faster recovery now that those problems have been addressed.

**LionsandBears** · May 13th, 2013, 12:15 PM

I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. It really sucks. Whilst I probably didnt openly grieve after my ectopic, it did affect me badly. I'm pretty sure any friend who had a baby in the six months afterwards didn't hear from me. I just couldnt deal with it. Not nice, but what I needed for my survival.

I think it's perfectly OK to ask your SIL to stop talking about her pregnancy with you. This may seem rude, but at 13 weeks, what's there to talk about anyway, that you need to send someone constant texts? Apart from being insensitive, it's kind of boring.

**LysnDan** · May 13th, 2013, 12:38 PM

Yeah that's it L&B every thing is to do with baby updates, she sent a pic of her 12w ultrasound and said all was ok with Ds risk. Then sent another text saying that she found a nice cot set and wanted me to come look at it with her? Then we went out to dinner and she was asking what wine she should have but then said oops no I can't.. I'm pregnant. My in laws are making my life a living hell! :-( I hated mothers day dinner with them last night without hubby there with me. He would have stood up for me. Where I just shut up and sat there! :-(

**TickToc** · May 13th, 2013, 12:59 PM

Pp they sound like insensitive so & so's! When I had my mm/c my best friend was a couple of weeks behind me with her 2nd pregnancy (our DD's were born a month apart) and it was hard but I had such a good relationship with her so we got through it. But when her DD2 was born a month after my ectopic was removed I struggled. I rang but couldn't visit towards the end of the pregnancy but would talk on the phone until one day she rang and asked if I could visit. She kept my DD & her DD1 occupied in another room while I held the baby & cried. It was hard but also healing because I was bound to be exposed to a baby at some point & it was done with respect.

Be kind to yourself xxx

**Mildez** · May 13th, 2013, 02:24 PM

PP there is nothing like family get togethers to rub salt into your wounds. I don't think some people will ever get it or have the sensitivity to respect your wishes without experiencing some kind of grief themselves. My SIL and MIL are the same. Im just dreading SIL DS Baptism in a fortnight. I hope they gain some sensitivity so visiting them becomes easier.

**Joski** · May 13th, 2013, 02:42 PM

Oh PP, I'm truly sorry you are having such an awful time.

Family can be tough- esp when they are being so insensitive. You have every right to ask that they respect your space and feelings.

You are stronger than you think, you will come through this - it will just take time. Always here when you need to vent or just need to let it out.

**LysnDan** · May 13th, 2013, 06:23 PM

And to answer my own original question.... My frers are fading... :-( it's 1 week and 4 days post op and they are nearly negative. You have to really squint to see a second line now... In fact the next one I do (might leave it until Thursday so that'll be 2 weeks post op...) May just be completely negative.

Thank you all for your hugs, love and your support. It means a lot.

I think that's it for me now. I think that I am going to hang my baby making TTC cape.. I think I'm done... Hubby is at peace with that decision too. One little bubba is good for us. Some people don't even get that... I am very blessed to have her and hubby in my life.

**LysnDan** · May 14th, 2013, 01:15 AM

Oh thank goodness. The bleeding is slowing down now! :-) hopefully it stops soon! Or will it start and stop until all my uterine lining has shedded?

**LysnDan** · May 14th, 2013, 01:26 AM

Do you eat meat? I can highly recommend making yourself a nourishing bone broth. This is what my naturopath recommended after my PPH and i was so so flat but that broth was amazingly reinforcing.

Oh Cassius2, i tried to pm but your inbox is full apparently... Yes I do eat meat.. Do you have a recipe I can follow to make? I'm not the best at cooking and feeling rather anaemic :-(

**Cassius2** · May 14th, 2013, 03:13 PM

ah bloomin' heck...i always am full in the inbox hahaha. i really should just cull my messages lol...but i am too sentimental. will clear it now and send you a recipe

**LysnDan** · May 14th, 2013, 03:44 PM

ah bloomin' heck...i always am full in the inbox hahaha. i really should just cull my messages lol...but i am too sentimental. will clear it now and send you a recipe

Haha thank you hun.

**Hunter Mum** · May 15th, 2013, 01:48 PM

PP I'm so sorry to read the traumatic experience. I've been absent from here because of a MM/C so understand some of your pain x {{hugs}}

**LysnDan** · May 15th, 2013, 04:18 PM

I did another clearblue digital test. It came up with "not pregnant" I was shattered to see those words.

Going to go hide away for a while I think.

**Mildez** · May 15th, 2013, 04:21 PM

PP I am so sorry. It sucks doesn't it? I'll come hide with you. I'll bring some pillows and we can pretend we are pregnant

**LysnDan** · May 15th, 2013, 04:24 PM

PP I am so sorry. It sucks doesn't it? I'll come hide with you. I'll bring some pillows and we can pretend we are pregnant

Oh mildez I hope that you are ok. Will send you a pm.

**LysnDan** · May 16th, 2013, 05:14 PM

Not doing the greatest today. I was sure once the bleeding stopped I would feel better. But I am not and this is the 2nd day I've had no bleeding... I feel terribly upset. I didn't think that this loss would affect me so bad... :-(

**Mildez** · May 16th, 2013, 05:24 PM

I'm lost for words PP. I don't know what to say that might help. I guess its one of those awful rollercoaster rides you have to take. I hope things improve for you soon xxx I know for me one of the biggest turning points in my recovery from my ectopic and tube removal in 2009 was having my DD in 2011. She really put everything into perspective for me and still does and that helped me get through the crap of loosing a part of you. Even now going through something similar I draw a lot of my strength from her. I don't know why because I have 2 older children as well. I think maybe its because she arrived after all that happened.