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Thread: I don't know what to do...

  1. #1

    Default I don't know what to do...

    Hi girls,

    I guess I'm just trying to bounce this off some people who might understand....

    When I was prg back in March we brought a beautiful old fashioned wicker bassinet for the baby. I saw it on ebay and fell in love with it. As a lot of you know, we lost our baby at 12 weeks.

    I've had the bassinet in the spare room and most of the time I'm OK with it being there. In the last few months I decided it was best to get rid of it because I didn't think I could put another baby in it (I'm a bit superstitious when it comes to this stuff I guess) and we are having a lot of trouble ttc so I don't know how long it'll be before we would use it anyway.

    My girlfriend is having a garage sale today and I thought it was the perfect opportunity to try to sell it. Only problem is, while packing it up I got really upset and now I don't think I can let it go.



    I'm cursing myself for having ever brought it in the first place when a little voice inside my head was telling me not to jinx us.

    I feel horrible to my angel baby, like I am pushing them out of my memory and getting rid of all reminders. I know that's not true but it's playing on my mind.

    The other thing I'm thinking is that maybe if I am lucky enough to fall prg again I will feel just wonderful putting my new baby in that bassinet, kinda like a dream realised??

    I'm sorry if none of this is making much sense. Just when I thought I was doing really well with all of this it's all come flooding back.

    I rang and spoke to my mum and to my DH of course, and have decided to hold onto it for now. I can always change my mind later.

    What would you do?

  2. #2
    Jenny Guest

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    Willow,

    I am so sorry for your loss.

    With regards to the bassinet, I would keep it. There are reasons why you fell in love with it and I agree with you that I think it will be even more special that when you do get an opportbuity to lay your little bundle of joy in there one day it will be a very special moment. Maybe you could wait until you are pregnant again and see how you feel about the bassinet at that stage? Is it possible to put it somewhere where it is not a constant reminder or even leave it at a friends / families place until you are ready to make a decision again?

    Be kind to yourself and take care

  3. #3

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    I too would keep it Willow.... You will have a baby in that bassinet before you realise it..... HUGS!

  4. #4

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    Willow, huge hugs hun. I thinkn for me personally. I would hang on to it, unless I was 100% sure that I truely wanted to get rid of it. You may feel the worse for it once you say goodbye to it. I know it's just a basinet, but I think that it holds alot more to you. It's all of the things that it represents. Am I right ?? So maybe saying goodbye to the basinet is like saying goodbye to your baby ??

    I could be completly wrong here so tell me if I am or to shut up.

    Perhaps you could just move the basinet out of site. Maybe cover it up and store it in the garage or somewhere else ??

    BTW, I love old wicker baskets. I searched high and low to get one for Tehya.

    Goodluck in your decision hun.

  5. #5

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    Willow

    We are moving house at the moment and DH and I just went through the very emotional experience of packing up Harrison's nursery that he never got to see so I know how tough it can be, it feels really final.

    But I agree with the ladies, keep it until you are absolutely sure. If it is too hard to see it everyday, do you have a family member or close friend who can store it for you.

    If you do decide to give it away I would suggest giving it to a charity. Perhaps a NICU at your local hospital could give it to some parents who have had a really difficult time. Just a thought hun, it may make you feel like you are helping others.

    I hope you feel better
    Luv
    Spring Angel

  6. #6

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    Spring Angel
    Perhaps a NICU at your local hospital could give it to some parents who have had a really difficult time. Just a thought hun, it may make you feel like you are helping others.
    I love that idea hun. Very sweet indeed.

  7. #7

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    :hugs: Willow this must be very hard.. I had also brought some things for our baby that i find really hard to look at so Dp moved them for me we have kept them but i just dont see them everyday... This must be a very hard decision i dont think you are forgetting your angel by selling or passing on the bassinet... All the best with your decision..

  8. #8

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    I too can sympathise. I had brought things for both of my angels, which I did end up giving to my SIL (after both of my losses she got pg) so it was easier to give things away. I got the joy of knowing and seeing another baby who was precious to me get to use these things. I have also recieved some of them back for my baby I am pg with now and it is nice to have a bit of history to them. Though they were not as big a a bassinet- only things like blankets and clothes. Although from both pg, I kept one thing that was especially precious- a lovely blanket from my first angel and an outfit from my second. I put them away where I did not see them, only when I wanted to and was mentally and emotionally prepared for it. Now I have added them to my stash of things for this bubba and I am at peace with the knowledge that my angels will have some part (albeit small) in their brothers/sisters life. I think you should hang onto the bassinet. Although it may have painful memories now, one day you will be able to look at it and remember the joy and hope you had when you first got it. And then you can put your angels' brother or sister into it and smile. Maybe put it away from sight though, so you are not too upset by it at the moment, IYKWIM. When you are ready to do something with it you will. know.
    Kellie.

  9. #9

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    I would keep it. While the pain will never go away, it will become less severe, and perhaps with another pregnancy, your feelings will change towards the bass.
    If you loved it for your angel, you will love it for future babies, and perhaps it would symbolise your angel looking after your new baby in a very special way.

  10. #10

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    Willow, if you can't part with it but also can't put another bub in it, why not keep it as a toy basket sort of thing? You can put stuffed teddies in it or a baby doll maybe? That way your future children can play with something that was their older sibling's.........

  11. #11

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    Hi Willow,

    I would keep it too. Like some of the other girls have suggested, I would put it away in a safe place for now and decide what you want to do with it when your next little bub comes along. When the time comes, you will know what feels right for you.

    We went through a similar thing after our first baby passed away. We had bought everything in preparation for her arrival and had set up her room. We then had to pack it all up again and put it all away after she was gone. We did keep it all though and when we were awaiting the arrival of our second baby we got it all back out. It was very hard to bring out all the things that we had bought for her, but once our son was born and we got to use the cot, pram, etc, it was - like you said - a wonderful feeling putting him in them. It was a dream realised.

    I think you've done the right thing. You don't need to rush into any decisions now. When the time comes your heart will tell you if you can use it again.


  12. #12

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    I am one of those people who wont lwt anything to do with a baby into the house. Even when I was pg nothing was to come into the house until 30 weeks, but I lost at 16w (must of known something). Stuff we do have like a cheap pram i found at a shop is in the shed. I'm just one of those people, but I say defanatley keep it!!

    Hugs
    Shazz.
    xx

  13. #13

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    Thanks so much ladies, you've all helped me to realise that I've done the right thing holding onto it for now. I might ask my mum to take it back up to her place until I decide what to do with it (although my dad gets really upset seeing it so that might not be the best idea :frown: )

    Shazz, I was exactly the same as you for my first pregnancy. I didn't buy a thing until I was well and truly along and fairly confident (as much as you can be) that things were OK. Probably around 30 weeks too. But with my last prg, it was high risk and despite my inner voice, I guess I brought the bassinet because I was trying to stay positive and hoping for a good outcome. Next time (pls let there be a next time) I won't be buying a thing.

  14. #14

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    Willow

    This is a very late reply but just wanted to share my experience with you, after my third miscarriage I had packed everything up in the roof (baby clothes, toys, bath, baby car seat etc) and it was all going, that included my maternity clothes too. It is really hard to let go, I haven't been able to part with any of it, who knows what might happen. I know what you mean though, you think you are doing ok then there is a reminder.... It all takes time.

  15. #15

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    Thanks Rowie. I'm so sorry that you've had to endure this pain 3 times, it's just not right and I wonder at the way the world works sometimes.

    Let's hope we both get to hold another little baby in our arms very soon.

  16. #16

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    I dug this old thread out because I'm feeling a bit awful about this again....

    I originally posted this over 12 months ago and lots has happened since then - we've been blessed with another beautiful baby.

    We decided to restore the bassinette and to use it again for L but I will admit I never felt quite right about him sleeping in it and as it turns out, he wasn't much of a fan anyway and we moved him to his cot fairly early on.

    It's unlikely that we'll have another baby now () and the bassinette takes up a lot of room so we decided to sell it.

    Since we spent about $100 restoring it we thought it would be a good idea to list it on ebay and try to get some money back for it.

    I was totally OK with it, didn't think twice about selling it this time... until this morning. Someone has put a bid on it and when I realised we really were letting it go I felt sick to my stomach

    This is the only thing we ever really brought for our angel baby and I feel guilty and sad to be letting it go.

    I don't really know why I'm posting this, I guess it just helps to 'get it out'. I still think I'm doing the right thing by selling it, it's not like we can put it away out of sight, it's a large bassinette and doesn't fold down etc and we really don't have room for it.

    I just feel so guilty about it....

  17. #17

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    Willow - i think it's natural to feel grief again when you're letting go of something that holds so much of your heart. yeah, to someone else, it's just a bassinette - a beautifully restored piece of furniture - but to you, it is a lot more! as you mentioned, it's the only thing you bought for your angel - you held on to it until L arrived knowing that it held the memory of your hopes for your angel, and the hopes for L. whether he liked it or not wasn't the point - for you, it was, and is, a tangible reminder of all that has happened in the past couple of years.

    yes, you're probably right in that the time has come to sell it - doesn't mean it won't hurt - especially considering a small part of your heart hadn't really realised it was going to happen until you seen that bid! i don't think our heads and our hearts are always on the same page. don't feel bad for letting that grief surface again Willow - the loss of your angel has formed a part of your life, shaped who you are - it's more than natural to feel that pain again now (i think timing might be in there as well - it's been a very long and hard two years for you hun)

    take care

    BG

  18. #18

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    Willow...

    Hi, first of all it was so bizarre to read those old posts!!! You, Spring and Rowie have all fullfilled your dreams of bringing another baby into this world.. its beautiful to read your posts of hopes knowing they came true!!

    I think the bassinette holds HUGE emotional memories for you, and it will ALWAYS remind you of your lost angel... who you will always remember and love whether you have the bassinette or not.
    Its a tough decision to make, and only you can decide what to do, i think if there is somewhere for it to sit and not be in the way or any trouble, there is no reason not to keep it, maybe for your Grandchildren to use!!!! If it upsets you too much to get rid of it, then dont, you have been upset enough and if keeping a bassinette makes you feel better or at least like you have something to remind you of your angel, then hold onto that i think.
    If however you find it might be theoropudic(spelling??!!) to let it go, maybe thats what you need to do, i would weigh up whether it upset me more having it around to have too see it and think about or if i would be MORE upset with it gone forever. Or maybe like Spring said in one of the old posts... can a family member or a friend store it somehwere,(not your parents if your dad still gets upset), or even if you are just up for lending it to people you know who might want to use it...

    Its a hard decision to make, IMO i would keep it, but thats just me

    Take care, Big Hugs
    StarBrightxoxoxo

    Whatever you decide, take your time and dont rush a decision!!

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