I just knew it from the beginning. I kept asking mum if she had such a sore lower back so early, and she said it was just my uterus growing and not to worry. I was still worried. The next thing was DP's bad reaction to this unplanned joy...... I wondered how I was going to get through this, and just couldn't picture a happy outcome. Next was the dream. I had a dream about our little girl (I KNOW she was a girl) and she ran up to me, (I'd say she was about 18months old) and jumped into my arms. I remember a feeling of not wanting to let her go, and just holding her so tight, until I woke up. That was my goodbye dream.

The final straw was the spotting. When it started, I kept trying to cling to hope, but deep down inside I just knew this baby was not going to make it. It was my first pregnancy, so it was hard not knowing what to expect or how I should feel. I had a scan, saw a heartbeat, heard 'everything looks ok' but I still didn't believe it. I remember feeling relieved that baby was ok, but still had a feeling of impending doom.

I was right. Our baby was lost at 7wks 6 days. I woke up in the middle of the night with horrible cramps. Now I realise they were contractions. I passed our baby alone in the bathroom, and cried and cried and cried as I held her in my hand.

This pregnancy is different. I don't have the same fearful feeling as the first time. This pregnancy was planned. DP is supportive, even excited. My symptoms although vague, are much more than I experienced last time around, and I haven't had any goodbye dreams. However, in all of my dreams I'm heavily pregnant. I think this is a good sign. I can sense this baby has a different personality to the first.

Only time will tell if my predictions are right, and that this baby is going to be ok.