My pregnancy in January was an accident (not unwanted though, we were letting nature take its course) and since then we've decided that we should wait before trying for another baby because both of us are in precarious situations (we're still trying to move in together lol). Trouble is, I REALLY want to start trying for another baby right now! It's unreasonable and it would freak DP out but can't shake the feeling.
I wonder if part of that is because I'm still upset about January. I assumed I'd had a false positive when I started bleeding because it was a faint line and I bled like a period, I only recently found out that false positives don't really happen. I missed my period with DD on the 11th of January O7 so had this pregnancy continued, they would've been 2 years and 1 month apart. I'm worried it'll get to August and I'll be upset and DP won't understand because he didn't see the preg test and doesn't believe I was ever pregnant (the fact that he's been told by an optometrist ages ago that he NEEDS glasses doesn't make any difference aparently).
I just want to forget this ever happened, not to mention how excited I was to be pregnant again. I was hoping I was pregnant this month but got a very late period probably due to January M/C.
I'm going to stop now because I'm rambling. If you got this far, thanks for reading.
!st off sorry to hear about your loss. my 2nd MC was like a heavy period with extra cramping and i thought nothing off it . I went to the doctors concerned about a large clot type thing that i had passed and he had described exactly what i had seen and told me i had Mc again. i think it was worse cos i didnt realise and finding out after was devastating.
I think its only natural to long for something that has been lost. Most days i still get this weird thought in my head that i could have 5 kids if my 3 angels had made it. But then i may not have tried for my beautiful DD.
I think you should sit down with Dp and be open and honest right from the start. explain your feelings and get his response. No point bottling it up inside and wondering. I spent too long keeping my feelings inside and when i finally explained to DP that i longed to hold another child that he realised that after the 3 losses and to only be able to hold one child at the end of the day that it was something we needed to work through.
I really hope that you get your baby and soon. (although 9 months seems like a long time to wait for something so precious. (worth it in the end) I hope that you can talk with DP an work through your feelings. I dont think that you should forget what has happened. Grieve for your loss or it does catch up to you even if you think you have dealt with it,.If DP doesnt understand then grieve in private. or with family or friends support.
Thanks. I've tried talking to him but he just says "you were never pregnant" (cos he couldn't see the line being half blind - though my friend saw it), which hurts so I don't mention it. I don't know if he actually believes that or if it's his way of dealing with it as he was devastated when we were incorrectly told I had miscarried DD, I assume it's the former TBH.
My DH was the same when i had a missed m/c, we even had a preg test with a visable line, and celebrated a pregnancy til i started bleeding at 12 weeks. When i had an ultrasound it showed that the baby had stopped growing at approx 5 weeks and the Dr explained that it probably didnt get past the point where the cells divide... DH hears this so in his mind our m/c was never a baby. I had a D&C and to me o course i felt like i had lost a baby. It ended up being a huge turning point in our relationship because i allowed myself to be convinced that it meant nothing to loose this baby that "never was". It took DH and I months to get back on the same page and after counciling, DH admitted that it was his way of trying to make the pain easier for me. We had already lost a baby at 18 weeks and he thought if he could convince me that this m/c WASNT a baby it would be less painful for me. But as you know- whenever you loose a baby it hurts, and you need to acknowledge that loss and feel the pain together or else it will always be something that will come between you.
Sorry, now i am rambling... I wish you the best of luck trying again and i hope you get your BFP soon!! And good luck with the move- remember you can still try now- you will have 8-9 months to get your stuff together when you do get pregnant!!
StarBright made some really important points. It is hard to move on and grow in a relationship if one person doesn't recognise an event that the other partner finds particularly significant. Even if your partner doesn't feel like there was a baby, it is important that he understands that you feel you have lost a baby.
Men also deal with things in a different way, and he may be thinking he is helping you by not acknowledging the loss, so then you can 'get over it' because he can't do anything to 'fix' the loss of your baby. If you need the acknowledgement (and i would) do you think it would help to show him this thread, especially your post and StarBright's post.
It might help you guys to talk about it, and although he might not feel the same way about it that you do, he might be able to gain some understanding of how you feel about it and help you both grow as a couple.
I want another baby right now!
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SB xo
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