Just thinking..

[tellytubby]

Last night was the first time DH and I have really talked about our angel baby, and it felt sooo good.

I don't think he realised how often I think about it, and that I don't just think of it as a miscarriage, but as one of our children.. I talked about how in August, i'd like to do something special, like release a balloon, to celebrate what would have been his first birthday. He said he honestly had no idea when the due date was, let alone that it was in august.. I could tell he felt bad about this, but I don't hold anything against him.

I close my eyes and I can see his face... I feel so strongly that it was a little boy. Olive skin like his sister, brown eyes - a little buddah baby I remember I was in the shower, crying at what was happening, and his little face popped in my mind, I cried even more.

Has anyone else felt so strongly about their angel babies? You just knew that it was a boy/girl, and you had their imagine in your mind? Or am I being silly...

I look at my baby boy now, 4 months old, and I often think "gee.. you look nothing like your brother"

Thanks for reading
xx

[luna moth]

Definitely feel strongly about our angel - definitely a girl, and she's up there in the sky, making it rain. (it rained when we decided to ttc, rained the day we found out, rained the day we lost her, rained on the due date)

It's a nice idea to do something small for the event. Hope it goes well for you.

[tellytubby]

Naw thats nice.. little weather baby bringing much needed rain.
Lovely way to remember her x

[JennaJayen]

I just knew with my first. He was a little boy. I knew that my bestie was having a DD too (We were preg at the same time, her DD was due the day before my angel was due).
I even named him the day we had the ultrasound that popped my little bubble of joy, Tomas Reece I called him.
Sometimes you just know. Like with my DS I had the same cravings (though I was in denial, even after having a dream of a blue eyed little boy with blonde curly hair... DS has blue eyes, blonde hair, and it curls when it's wet), and it was the same with one of the other angels. With the other 2 angels from before I had DS I had completely different cravings, the same with the angel I lost this month, so I'm guessing they would have been girls.
With the chem in Jan I started having the same cravings I had with DS, maybe another little boy.

I also had a dream a month after the D&C with my first angel. He came to me, all grown up and so handsome with sandy-brown hair, his dad's eyes, nose and chin, and my eyebrows (odd that I remember that, and noticed it, but it's like it only happened last night I remember it so well), and he was sooo tall! And he told me that he loved me, forgave me, and knew how hard it was for me to go through with the d&c even though he would have suffered greatly if I hadn't done it. He also took me to both of my grandfather's and my great-grandmother who told me everything would be ok. He then took me to this other place where there were dozens of babies of different colours and races, lying in little cloud cradles and he told me that they would all be mine. I wouldn't give birth to them all, and not all of them would actually be born, but I would be a mother to them.

It was a very odd dream, but I felt so much at peace afterwards. I felt I could actually keep going on with life and make something of myself.
Anyone else had a dream or something like that happen?

[TeniBear]

Even though I did get to see Ianto's face properly, if he'd been an early miscarriage rather than a stillbirth, he would have been the same in my mind - through my entire pregnancy I was sure I was having a boy even though we wanted a girl, and I said through it all that "the baby" would look like his dad but with my nose. Exactly what happened.

I'm half-half about wanting our other kids to look like him. I'd love to know what he would have looked like growing up, but I want them to all have their own "look", KWIM? (I want them all to have my nose though , DH's nose isn't as cute as mine )

[forshelby]

Hey, it's Janelle.

I just wanted to say YES I had an almost identical experience to you. I had a dream where I saw a little girl, blonde curly hair.

When I had my mc, that night, all I could think of was her name. The name I'd had stuck in my head for a couple of weeks. Shelby. So that's what I call her.

We rarely talk about it either.... it's something I just felt more, I guess. I understand how good it feels to finally talk to your partner about it. Such a relief.

Now we talk about our next baby. I can see his excitement growing about ttc next month. (He didn't want shelby and was very vocal about it....) Strangely it makes me feel guilty for not focussing on shelby so much anymore.

Did you feel the same when ttc again? Sorry to answer with a question sort of. Lol

[tellytubby]

hey there!

I actually think i've replied to one of your threads before, i remember the name.. hmm will have a look later on.

That's so sweet that you can see he is getting excited about TTC next month! He's definately sounding very ready to become a daddy How are you feeling? Nervous? Nothing beats the thrill of POAS when you think the time has come... the pumping heart... argh! the memories I have!! Especially with Kaili... gee whizz that was a big surprise!

No, I never felt guilty about not thinking of my angel baby as much... But with that said we fell pregnant again after 1 cycle, so there wasn't that much time really..

Shelby will always be in your heart, although you might not be thinking of her as much, you still love her more than anything, and she will never be forgotten. You're an amazing mummy - can't wait till I hear your announcement

xx

[Tegam]

Well funny reply i guess but the straight answer is no. I cant understand what you are talking about at all. I found out through testing what sex my MC was, but i didnt have testing wuth the ectopic. I NEVER have a feeling as to what i am having or what anyone else is having so i guess its natural that i dont know when i lose one. I wish i did know with the ectopic, somehow it helps with the MC. But i just cant seem to decide myself.

To answer your question, no i dont think any of you are funny about 'knowing' this stuff. I think its important and something to cherish. Maybe my angel babies are just waiting for the right time to come and tell their mumma that its all all right.

Janelle, dont feel bad about not thinking of shelby as much. Its natural and what she would want! Enjoy TTC!

[damprye]

I had a dream on the second anniversary of when my first angel fell asleep. My little boy was in the bathroom playing with a boy about a year older then him and they got along so well and just watching them my heart was filled with so much pride it was unbelievable. I always knew that my frst was a boy and it was later confirmed via u/s when we were trying to find out if our baby was still alive, his name was Steven. My latest angel's name was Rachael (that exact spelling) and I had my dream about her as she was implanting on the left side of my uterus. I miss my angel babies and my now ex-DP pines for the one that we lost and it was our individual guilt and depression over losing Steven that split us up although he did give me my DS and the angel that we have just lost (I did not tell him I was pregnant before I lost her as I was waiting until I had the u/s pic to show him).

[Tegam]

I had a dream on the second anniversary of when my first angel fell asleep. My little boy was in the bathroom playing with a boy about a year older then him and they got along so well and just watching them my heart was filled with so much pride it was unbelievable. I always knew that my frst was a boy and it was later confirmed via u/s when we were trying to find out if our baby was still alive, his name was Steven. My latest angel's name was Rachael (that exact spelling) and I had my dream about her as she was implanting on the left side of my uterus. I miss my angel babies and my now ex-DP pines for the one that we lost and it was our individual guilt and depression over losing Steven that split us up although he did give me my DS and the angel that we have just lost (I did not tell him I was pregnant before I lost her as I was waiting until I had the u/s pic to show him).

Oh honey, sounds like you have had such a bad time! Hugs to your too!

[tellytubby]

damprye
thinking of you x