Last night was the first time DH and I have really talked about our angel baby, and it felt sooo good.
I don't think he realised how often I think about it, and that I don't just think of it as a miscarriage, but as one of our children.. I talked about how in August, i'd like to do something special, like release a balloon, to celebrate what would have been his first birthday. He said he honestly had no idea when the due date was, let alone that it was in august.. I could tell he felt bad about this, but I don't hold anything against him.
I close my eyes and I can see his face... I feel so strongly that it was a little boy. Olive skin like his sister, brown eyes - a little buddah baby I remember I was in the shower, crying at what was happening, and his little face popped in my mind, I cried even more.
Has anyone else felt so strongly about their angel babies? You just knew that it was a boy/girl, and you had their imagine in your mind? Or am I being silly...
I look at my baby boy now, 4 months old, and I often think "gee.. you look nothing like your brother"
Definitely feel strongly about our angel - definitely a girl, and she's up there in the sky, making it rain. (it rained when we decided to ttc, rained the day we found out, rained the day we lost her, rained on the due date)
It's a nice idea to do something small for the event. Hope it goes well for you.
I just knew with my first. He was a little boy. I knew that my bestie was having a DD too (We were preg at the same time, her DD was due the day before my angel was due).
I even named him the day we had the ultrasound that popped my little bubble of joy, Tomas Reece I called him.
Sometimes you just know. Like with my DS I had the same cravings (though I was in denial, even after having a dream of a blue eyed little boy with blonde curly hair... DS has blue eyes, blonde hair, and it curls when it's wet), and it was the same with one of the other angels. With the other 2 angels from before I had DS I had completely different cravings, the same with the angel I lost this month, so I'm guessing they would have been girls.
With the chem in Jan I started having the same cravings I had with DS, maybe another little boy.
I also had a dream a month after the D&C with my first angel. He came to me, all grown up and so handsome with sandy-brown hair, his dad's eyes, nose and chin, and my eyebrows (odd that I remember that, and noticed it, but it's like it only happened last night I remember it so well), and he was sooo tall! And he told me that he loved me, forgave me, and knew how hard it was for me to go through with the d&c even though he would have suffered greatly if I hadn't done it. He also took me to both of my grandfather's and my great-grandmother who told me everything would be ok. He then took me to this other place where there were dozens of babies of different colours and races, lying in little cloud cradles and he told me that they would all be mine. I wouldn't give birth to them all, and not all of them would actually be born, but I would be a mother to them.
It was a very odd dream, but I felt so much at peace afterwards. I felt I could actually keep going on with life and make something of myself.
Anyone else had a dream or something like that happen?
Even though I did get to see Ianto's face properly, if he'd been an early miscarriage rather than a stillbirth, he would have been the same in my mind - through my entire pregnancy I was sure I was having a boy even though we wanted a girl, and I said through it all that "the baby" would look like his dad but with my nose. Exactly what happened.
I'm half-half about wanting our other kids to look like him. I'd love to know what he would have looked like growing up, but I want them to all have their own "look", KWIM? (I want them all to have my nose though , DH's nose isn't as cute as mine )
I just wanted to say YES I had an almost identical experience to you. I had a dream where I saw a little girl, blonde curly hair.
When I had my mc, that night, all I could think of was her name. The name I'd had stuck in my head for a couple of weeks. Shelby. So that's what I call her.
We rarely talk about it either.... it's something I just felt more, I guess. I understand how good it feels to finally talk to your partner about it. Such a relief.
Now we talk about our next baby. I can see his excitement growing about ttc next month. (He didn't want shelby and was very vocal about it....) Strangely it makes me feel guilty for not focussing on shelby so much anymore.
Did you feel the same when ttc again? Sorry to answer with a question sort of. Lol
Just thinking..
I remember I was in the shower, crying at what was happening, and his little face popped in my mind, I cried even more.
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Hope it goes well for you.
, DH's nose isn't as cute as mine 
)
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