Today it has really hit me - we have lost our baby. I feel so sad. Yesterday I had some philosophical moments about it all, but this morning it is like walking through fog. This might have been our only chance of having a baby. It's been nine long years with so much pain and disappointment. My heart is breaking.
What a roller-coaster - I never thought I would make it past LTTTC, then I had the most amazing news just before Christmas and found my August BellyBuddies. Now I'm here sharing your losses. Still waiting for the bleeding to start but still have all my pregnancy symptoms... I want it to end but I don't want it to be over
Alice hun I am so sorry that you are feeling this pain after so much joy such a short time ago. I don't know what to say sorry lovely just keep your chin up & be strong in yourself. Cry your heart out when you need to, talk when you need to (you are surrounded by friends here all hours of day & night) & look after yourself.
Alice, I just want to give you a big hug. Darl, this is a really hard experience to deal with. My heart goes out to you. I totally understand how you feel, I have experienced this twice before and am in the same boat as you as we speak. Was also due in August and now waiting to miscarry. We are here for you whenever you need us.
xx
Thank you Tanya, Lissy, Loula. I can't stop crying. My mum has been with me all day - she's just gone home. I tried to have something to eat but I feel so sick and miserable. I'm so disappointed and sad. It's not that I have a bad life or anything - I have lovely friends and family - it just feels a bit empty and a bit meaningless without the bub - don't know why it matters so much, just does. I was showing Mum the pics from Christmas in Melbourne and seeing the beaming smiles on our faces and I felt crushed. DH was so so excited and pleased. He's been lovely - very attentive and gentle but he has to go to work and I miss him terribly. Have rung the Dr to see when I can have the D&C done. I can't go on like this for weeks waiting - it's too much. And then I read how hard it is to recover and know that it will go on for weeks anyway. It's such a different type of grief and disappointment to our negative IVF results. I guess having had weeks of all these pregnancy symptoms and all the ideas that start to form in your head of what might come make it difficult in a different way. I'm going to try to get some rest now. Thankyou for your kind thoughts and replies - they mean a lot to me. Alice x
Oh Babyjo, I'm so sorry. So kind of you to share that with me when you must be going through so much yourself. Big hugs to you too. x
I know it must be so hard for you right now. To a certain degree I understand, I had my MC not even a week ago at 13 weeks & D&C just yesterday (in 8am & home by 3pm). I havent gone through the years of waiting & hoping & heartbreak that you have had to endure, but I totally understand about greiving the loss of what you imagined the future to hold for you and your angel. The hopes & plans we start to set ourselves up with, that all of a sudden aren't going to happen - I was talking to my SIL about breastfeeding & nappies about 1hr before I started bleeding . I cant offer any advice as far as the emotional healing goes, I think it just gets a little better every day. And I can certainly say the comfort & support on here goes a long way towards healing.
But I can offer some insight into the D&C. Like I said above I had mine just yesterday. I didn't have any pain, just tired & bored out of my brain sitting in hospital bed until they released me yesterday afternoon, & apart from the MC nightmare I had before waking up from anaetheisia after surgery it was very non-eventful. Dr's orders were 2 days of taking it very easy, 1 more day off work, then back to work monday. So physical recovery is generally very quick.
Everyone has different reasons, my reason for choosing to have D&C were the cramps & bleeding I was still having, BUT mainly because I felt I couldn't start to move forward while it was still happening.
If you feel up to it I would suggest looking at some of the other posts on here about D&C & peoples experience's with it. It helped me make my mind up about it.
Again lots of for you & your other half. Make whatever decision feels right for you lovely. You will have everyone's support.
Well I had the D&C on Friday. The only time I could have it done was 6.30am and as we live in the mountains, that was a 4.45am start. I was really nervous and sad but everyone at the clinic was lovely - so kind and gentle, I feel v. lucky to have had such good care from them. My husband had to go to work so Mum came and sat with me then took me home and looked after me until DH was finished work. I was so grateful to have her with me - spent most of the day asleep. A bit sore and still bleeding, though lightly, but mostly just terribly terribly sad.
My sister in law said now is not the time to be philosophical - just to let myself grieve so I'm trying to just let myself sit with the pain and the loss. I'm finding it hard to have any company other than my husband - just want to be with him around the clock. He's being very patient I have two days more off work then it will be back to 'normal' except nothing feels very normal. I just wish we'd had more time with this little one - seems so quick to be all over. Feels like a dream except for the slow changes going on as my body goes back to not being pregnant. It is comforting to post here - thank you everyone.
hi lovely, just wanted to catch up & if I remember correctly today was your first day back too work? Hope it wasn't too hard for you & that you had the support there to make the day a little easier. I know it can be very difficult so . & I hope that each day it gets a little easier for you.
thanks Lissy, it's tomorrow. Sort of ready, sort of not - bit like going in for the D&C. At least I only have to do one day then I have Friday and the weekend to regroup and get ready for next week. Thanks for thinking of me - each day it's getting a bit easier.
Between getting the distinct urge to burst into tears a few times (very embarassing )& feeling completely 'spaced' out, it was a little difficult for me.
But ive been back for 3 days now & feel a little more at peace with it all. I have found that my perspective has changed a little, things that previously bugged me like crazy, I just couldn't be bothered getting upset about & some things people say I just think to myself 'Wow there are so much more important things in life to worry about than that!'.
Hopefully I haven't jinxed your first day back Alice.
Have things gotten any better with your friends that had been a little hard to talk to about your mc?
Ah, that's what is worrying me (distinct urge to burst into tears), although I've been a bit better yesterday and today.
Not really, she rang after the D&C which surprised me but that was it and most of this week I've just wanted to be on my own anyway. I think I'll leave things with her for a few weeks and maybe when I'm feeling better we can talk. What about your friend?
I did get a few texts from my friend regarding other things, but I am feeling a little like you & I'm not going to worry about it for now. I am really starting to look forward to my weekend though, a few days to rest sounds very nice right about now, lucky you with a long weekend.
Good Luck with work today alice. If you are able to, take mini breaks regularly, even if its to walk down the hall for a drink of water or something, i found it helped a little.
Thanks Lissy, it was a tough day. I started bleeding in earnest this morning - which I wasn't expecting and freaked me out a bit - so I got a bit upset. I probably should have stayed home but because it was only for one day I made myself go. DH started late so he could drive me in and when I got into the office the lovely girl who works for me had bought me a little box of mini cup cakes so that helped get over the hurdle of being back. I'm so glad to be home though, sitting was really uncomfortable...just want to lie down now and rest. Lissy, one more day to go then you've got the weekend to rest and recover some more. Hang in there.
Yeah sitting is uncomfortable for a while, hence the mini breaks. That was really nice of her to do that for you at work, I'm so glad it made it a little easier. I had a slightly heavier loss approx. 3-4 days after my D&C too, so dont stress too much it will probably ease off in the next few days. (when they say you may SPOT for a little while afterwards, i think they should explain that a little better haha freaked me out a little too).
Hope you have a lovely restful weekend Alice, think i am going to movies with a good friend so will be doing the same & relaxing.
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Miscarriage after LTTTC
lovely just keep your chin up & be strong in yourself. Cry your heart out when you need to, talk when you need to (you are surrounded by friends here all hours of day & night) & look after yourself.
I have two days more off work then it will be back to 'normal' except nothing feels very normal. I just wish we'd had more time with this little one - seems so quick to be all over. Feels like a dream except for the slow changes going on as my body goes back to not being pregnant. It is comforting to post here - thank you everyone.
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