Miscarriage/Loss General Discussion #1

Anthonysmum - oh honey, I wish I could just give you the world biggest hug and take away the pain and why's. I hope that you can find some time to reflect on the situation and maybe even seek some councilling. My last m/c was to twins in March this year and it totally broke me in half. I was only 7 weeks though
Were you able to physically see Anthony and hold him? Were you able to look at his beautiful face and let him know how much he means to his mummy and daddy? Were you able to kiss him all over???
I hope that you and your DH can grieve your gorgeous son together. Dont let anyone tell you..oh you can have another one....no one will ever replace your Anthony, keep him close to your hearts cause I bet he's smiling down at you both now knowing how much you both love him.

Anthonysmom I'm so sorry your little one passed away :hug:

Maz - Yes I was luckily enough to have held my son. My husband and I kept him with us in my hospital room for quite awhile. I checked him out from head to tow. he had ten fingers and ten toes, beautiful little lips that lookd just liek his daddy's, cute little feet that looked just a little too big for him, and even all of his boy parts. We were lucky becasue the nurses warned us that he may look deformed since we were not sure why we lost him. But my Anthony looked perfect, tiny, but perfect. We talked to him and told him what his life should have been like. I rocked him and sang him a lullby. I apologized for not keeping him safe. ANd yes I kissed him all over. I am still in shock. I go back on Jan 4 for more tests on me. I am so glad that I was able to meet my son. And I do hope he knows how much he is loved and missed.

Honey - im sitting here with tears in my eyes and my heart for you. You truely are a strong woman and thank you so much for sharing your experience with us especially seeing how raw it all is. Im so glad you got to hold him and talk to him. Thats one moment NO ONE can ever take from you and your DH. I'll be thinking of you on the 4th of Jan matie.

wow you are all such strong woman, Has been 6 weeks since my D&C and still no AF, at my age i wanted to start TTC asap but still waiting.

It has been 4 weeks for me and no AF. I know it is early so I am not worried but thought with my luck AF will come on Christmas morning

Anthonysmom how are you doing?

hi bettyboop - I am hanging in there. Not really looking forward to the holidays. Trying to concentrate on other things, like my DH and I are renovating our home. I am looking forward to next week off (I am a teacher and we get a week around Christmas). Basically I am trying to cope the best I can. How are thigns wih you. Has AF visited you yet?

Barbara

I am doing ok ,i have a bad day every now and then.AF has still not arrived, has been nearly 8 weeks.You will be pleased to have a break.

I still have many bad days. I am learning which people I can lean on and which feel uncomfortable with me. It helps to have people who truly understand like the wonderful ladies here. It also helps to haev a few friends who can understand that this is a long healing process. Also I have had awful back pain since the m/c. My OB is sending me to a specialist. With my luck I will have a slipped disc in my back or something.

how are you doing?

hey betty - hope all is well. i should be Oing any day now. it is sooo weird to be TTC again. i know you have a dr appt this week. fingers crossed for you.

Barbara

Hi my name is Tania, I am 29 years old. I live in Central Queensland and happily married to my husband and best friend. I have Two beautiful Daughters here on earth Tahlia (4) & Matilda (2), one very adorable daughter in heaven Chloe (6) and 3 amazing angels in heaven.

I'm so sorry for your losses, and I'll keep you in my prayers. Sending cyberhug.

Uhmm, i dunno how this thing works...uhh, i'm 17 so still pretty young and 16 weeks pregnant. I'm afraid that i've had a miscarriage...I don't know if i have i'm just paranoid. I don't know signs or anything but i was having pains in my back the other night...like on my right side inbetween my ribs and my hip..Does that mean anything? I'm really scared and i haven't talked to my mom or anything but i just need some help. :'(

If you're worried, HollyWood, you should go up to emergency at your local hospital to have things checked out. Maternity should be able to check your bub's heartbeat with a doppler to put your mind at ease. Good luck :pray: Hope all is well.

hollywood, please go and get it checked out

Hi all,
I was just advised to join this forum as i had lost my first preg last night at 7wks. :crying:
I thought everything was going so well. My husband and i had planned this pregnancy (both of our first) to a tee... and were elated to find we were pregnant. I had some very very mild spotting of dark brown blood for 2 days only when i wiped.. and last night just started bleeding out of nowhere. The hardest part was being at the hospital having an internal exam and watching them remove bub's tissue with forceps and place it in a jar. Needless to say i have had nightmares about this all night.

My hubby is very supportive but i feel so lost. I know this is a natural reaction. I know many women go through this.. i have watched it a dozen times (I am a doctor).. but that doesnt make me feel any better.

I dont know how i will feel above being intimate with my hubby again let alone trying to conceive again. I fear i will be so strung out if i do fall preg again.

I wish there was an answer to all of this.. a reason why. But there isn't. I only :pray: that next time is a positive experience. I am of healthy age, i have a healthy relationship, i have alot to offer and i WANT a child...why does it seem so hard?

What are the signs of a miscarriage? I'm not bleeding, my boobs are still sore, i'm so confused and i don't wanna go to the hospital for no reason, i atleast wanna be 70% sure that i might have miscarried. :( This sucks so bad. I'm always scared of this. Would i miscarry for no reason at all cause i know within the first 3 months you can but can that still be the case now? Would i feel any moving by now? Sorry, these are all questions i feel uncomfortable asking my mom. :(

Hi Hollywood,
Every woman is different and every sign means something different to different people...
You are 16 weeks along so that is reassuring... as most people miscarry in the first trimester.
Often pains in the back/side can be from your uterus stretching to accommodate the growing bub... sometimes they can feel like period pain.
If you are miscarrying you will often have a combination of pain (cramps), bleeding (usually fresh blood but not necessarily a lot of it) and loss of pregnancy signs (no more sore boobs, no more constipation, no more acne).
It is really important that you see your doctor of go to the local ED as it isnt healthy for you or your bub if you are worrying. I know this is easier said than done.
When was your last beta hCG level done? Often your doctor can repeat it to see if it is doubling every couple of days.. Also are you having antenatal care anywhere yet because if you call them you can often get in to have an ultrasound to check everything is ok. Dont be scared to go to the ED at the hospital - that is what they are there for.

I hope you have a support person that can be with you while you are stressing. Please try not to worry as i wonder if that is why i lost my baby - too much stress... i regret it now.

I'm thinking positive thoughts for you. Please call someone TODAY - GP/Emergency Department/Antenatal Clinic.

Emily

I haven't lost any pregnancy signs, and i've only been for one ultrasound so far which was about a week and a half ago and the only doctors appointment i've been to was just to like verify that i was pregnant cause i didn't really tell anyone until i was 13 weeks along. I go for my first check up this week and then i'm not sure what happens from there. I haven't had any signs of a miscarriage either. Maybe i'm just worrying too much but i have been REALLY stressed the past week or so so that's what's freakin me out. I haven't felt any moving either but this is my first baby and i heard you sometimes can't feel any moving till 20 weeks. I'm not even getting that big i just have a little bump and that's it. I dunno, i haven't even talked to my boyfriend about this, he'd freak.

Hollywood i think you need to try and calm yourself down. I know that is easier said than done. At the end of the day there is nothing that you can do for this baby other than be at ease, rest and eat well. I was so scared in my pregnancy - every second. It is really hard when you dont know what to expect. I think you need to be open with your boyfriend, because it will take the pressure off you and if he is in it for the long haul, then he needs to be part of the WHOLE experience - the worry and all.


If you are home alone, try having a nice hot shower, snuggling in bed or watching some crappy day time TV or a movie.

If you have had no bleeding, no particularly bad cramps and have not lost any signs of pregnancy... and given that you are in your second trimester... i think it is unlikely that anything is wrong. Having said this, i didnt make it as far along as you are so i cant really be sure.. but i am a doctor and the things you describe sound reassuring. Noone holds a crystal ball darl, so we never know what might happen down the track but you are doing everything right and your little bubba is probably all curled up tight asleep in there having the time of its life.

Express your concerns at your check up later this week. It is important to make sure the staff you are dealing with know exactly how you feel. don't forget they deal with this ALL the time.

Also you should really look into routine antenatal care at the hospital you are planning on giving birth at. It can be super helpful to have support only a phone call away and in your situation where you are uncomfortable talking to your mum, and you are naturally scared about your first baby, and you are still quite young... it could really be helpful to have someone neutral on side. Please look into it.

Let me know how things go.

Hollywood welcome to Belly Belly and congratulations on your pregnancy. :hug:
Pregnancy can be and is for many women a stressful time. I am glad you have had some antenatal care - an ultrasound a week or so ago showed a live baby - at 16 weeks sadly women do lose their babies but thankfully most women who reach 12 weeks will go on to birth live babies. So you have every reason to believe that your baby is fine. The pains you describe sound a lot like stretching pains - even though your baby is still very tiny the uterus is growing and stretching - it's never stretched like this before! So, it can cause some discomfort.

I am sorry that you are feeling so alone and unable to speak to your Mum - this is a time of great vulnerability. Please ensure you go to all of your antenatal appointments and seek out some support for your birth and early parenting.

I think you are amazing - you are so young but so dedicated to this life inside you. I think that is very special.

You can have a look through Belly Belly and perhpas join a Belly buddies group - for babies due at the time you are. This will give you some support from other women who are navigating pregnancy at the same stage you are at.

If the pain becomes severe or if there is any bleeding attatched please seek medical advice asap.

Wishing you a healthy and happy pregnancy my love. :hug:

Emmykate - I am sorry for the loss of your baby. :comfort:

I understand and know the shock, sadness and grief that accompanies the loss of a baby - please know in time the sadness will lessen.
It doesn't seem fair I understand, when you want a baby so very much to have it taken from you.
Sending all my love and comfort as you grieve. :hug:

Thanks flowerchild, every minute it is getting easier. And the more i hear from women who have lost children in the past and gone on to have successful pregnancies makes me feel more and more reassured. I truly appreciate this website/forums. It is such a wonderful way to get support 24/7.

My DP Murray and I lost our son on Tuesday at 18w 6d after my waters broke at 17w 5d. We conceived through ICSI and thought we were safe as I had bleeding from a sub chorionic haematoma at 8 weeks that had disappeared by the time we had out NT scan at 13 weeks.
I am still numb and am waiting for someone to tell me it has been an enormous mistake and our little boy is still growing.
Charles is our first child and now having a baby has gone from something I was so happy and almost smug about (getting through NT, no more haematoma nearly at 20 weeks) to the saddest thing I have ever experienced.
This site was amazing during the IVF process and I have read stories on here that have broken my heart but there is some comfort to know that people have tread this path before me and are now strong enough to offer support to others.
Thanks
Adele

Oh Adele,
I am so sorry for the loss of your baby boy. I am sure there is nothing i can say at this time that will make you feel any better. I hope that you and Murray are seeking solace in each other at this tough time. I know i cannot understand what you are going through but i hope that you get through this with time.

I pray for your little one in heaven and for you and Murray also.
Emily

BTW Hollywood is everything ok? I hope you are feeling more at ease and your appt went well.

Thanks Emily
I am sending my prayers to you and DH as well. I am so sorry for your loss and you story made me weep.
Take care
Adele

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Hi everyone,
I'm a newie trying to connect with others who have experienced a loss of a baby. I lost my little boy Joshua at 20w 6d, on 1.10.08. He was born sleeping. I did an IVF cycle in May this year and conceived on my first go ( what a blessing ) and things were progressing great, small bleed at 11 weeks, was told it could have come from the implantation site. I have a nasty big fibroid that started to degenerate and sent my uterus into spasms, then contractions days after my 20 week scan. Can't believe I'm not pregnant as I should be....he was due on 12.02.09.
Beata :(

:hug: Beata70 :hug:

I am soo very sorry about the loss of little Joshua.

Its a very difficult time for you, there are so many women who experience loss and everytime i read a new story my heart just aches.

I know how you are feeling now - I felt the same but I took some comfort knowing that my little girl is in the arms of my Nan and is with many family members who will look after her until we are reunited.

You will find BB is a terrific place to share your story and to find support, hundreds of women and men to help make you laugh, who'll support you when you need to vent and to offer words of comfort when you are down.

Be kind to yourself, allow whatever feeling to rise to the surface and accept them as "normal" grieving is a very personal thing and everyone does it differently. Seek help from Professionals if you feel like you need to but know this is an option and you do not have to even if you get told you should, you will know what you need right now.

If you ever need to talk or vent feel free to pm me, I am more than happy to be an ear or shoulder if you need one. Sometimes its easier to talk to a complete stranger and the anonimity (sp?) of BB users can help also.

all my love and hugs

Nae x x x

Hi,
I'm so very sorry for the loss of your precious son. Take time to grieve and I would also encourage that you seek professional counselling. You will find lots of comfort and support here on bb as unfortunately there are many of us who have lost angels. Keep your precious memories of your son close to your heart.
Big hugs to you.

Regards,
Dianne

Hi Nae and Dianne,

Thanks so much for your very kind words and your understanding. It's so good to chat to someone who really understands, and really cares. Losing a baby is definitelly the most devastating and heart breaking experience I've been through, and what upsets me even more that there is still so many girls out there who will go through the same experience. My heart just goes out to them as I know what a life changing and painful experience it is. My heart goes out to you both also, I know what is like to walk in the shoes of a mother who definitely doesn't deserve her baby being taken away so soon.

I'm getting a bit better now, I have been seeing a grief councillor for the last 2 months and I have gone to a support meeting throug SANDS which has been very confronting but good for me to get my feelings out in the open. These girls have also experienced a terrible loss, and some quite a while ago and they still find it hard to talk about it.
I love talking about Joshua as it makes me feel like he's always with me, and especially when others talk about him because to me they are acknowledging him.
I also believe that my relatives and those of my partner Alan, are looking after Joshua and probably fighting amongs themselves for babysitting rights !!

I think my faith in God has really helped me with my loss, and I know he is in a really good place, although I would give anything for him to still be here.
Thanks again for your kind thoughts, and for your great support. It means so much to me.
Lots of love and hugs
Beata xx

Hey girls,

Is anyone feeling a little depressed with xmas coming up and seemingly endless numbers of prego women walking about out there at the moment ? Is it just me or is it my imagination ? I thought I was doing OK and the last coluple of days I've been on so down.....
Today they rang me from the memorial park to tell me Joshua's plaque is ready to be put down, and when would I like to bury his ashes ??? Gee, I thought I'd be OK doing this but now I don't know if I can part with his ashes...I tought it'd be nice to have his plaque down for xmas so I can put some decorations at his little plot for xmas, but now I find the whole thing quite depressing.


Hugs to all
Beata :(

Hi Beata,
It really does help to talk to people who have been through a loss, we can only understand what each other are going through. I too like to talk about Emmanuel, I really believe it helps in the healing process. I'm really glad you have sought counselling, I hope it helps. I really believe God helped me and my family through our loss, I know he carried me through the times when I thought I couldn't cope. God was the one who gave me the strength to get through the loss of my son because without him I wouldn't be where I am today. I pray that you will be able to let go of your precious angels ashes and know that he is in heaven in the precious arms of Jesus.

Take care,
Dianne

Hi Dianne,
It's good to talk to someone who really understands. I'm so sorry for the loss of your two little angels :hug: I know they are watching over you always. If it wasn't for my faith in God, I would be so lost. I still think Joshua should be here instead of being in heaven, but he was taken away from me for what ever reason, and is now being taken care of by my relatives and that of my partner, and that is of great comfort.
I talk to Joshua a lot, and I always say to him that one day I'll get to know him when it's my turn to go, and I'll be able to give him a great big hug. I just love my little boy so much.
Look after yourself and your little one Dianne.
Lots of hugs
Beata. xx

Is there anyone else out there in limbo land... not ttc, not pg... just waiting??
I feel like I don't belong anywhere... very lost :( I want to be pregnant again... but we need to wait. I don't think I will start to cycle for a while yet and I think it best to wait for results from amnio. I also want to get my folate levels up.

Anyway, not sure if I am talking to myself... but I need to talk....

Tanya big :hug: to you hun. Limbo land is not a nice place to be in. I know the feeling of wanting to be pregnant again but hang in there. Thinking of you.

Regards,
Dianne

Tanya, I've never been in the situation you've been in (and hope not to be ever) but if you need someone to talk to, I'll be here for you :hug:

I never thought I'd join this thread but here i am.
arghh