First of all, I'm sorry you are in here too I really didn't want to find myself here, but here I am. Instead of my belly buddies group I've now got a new one. I had an early m/c recently at 6w4d. We had IVF and first saw a HB when the little one should have been 7w5d, but it was only 6w4d. The little heart stopped beating shortly after that. I had a recent scan to re check the growth, but what should have been a little bubba measuring around the 8 week mark, it was still 6w4d. So I am going for a D & C tomorrow morning, I guess I will start to get on with my life after that. Call me a wuss, but I'm petrified of a natural m/c. The thing is that we're not spring chickens, and if we want to have another go we should have it asap, but I am so scared now. My egg reserve is really low too
Hi Miss B - I'm so sorry for your loss, your story is identical to mine in every way......I had my D&C 4.5 weeks ago now. I was a real mess as it was my 3rd miscarriage in 10 months so this one hit me hard, like you seeing the heartbeat but being told it was slow, then the follow up scan to say it had stopped and not grown anymore, I too was measuring a week behind. I waited a week for nature to takes its course but it didn't happen and I struggled to deal with it emotionally so went in for the D&C. I promise you will start to heal after you have the D&C, like you I was petrified of miscarrying naturally and am very glad of my decision.......4 weeks on and I'm feeling much stronger than I was a month ago. I too have a low egg reserve, AMH of 1.1 and have been told by my FS to get going so I am currently waiting to ovulate, I got my period 3 weeks after my D&C so while i'm not sure I'm emotionally ready I am too scared to waste time as well. So as I said, our stories are almost identical! Hugs to you, if you need to chat the girls in here are an amazing bunch of strong women, we understand so we're here for you xxxx
Thanks so much Alison. I'm so sorry for your losses too hun, it's really a terrible thing to go through. I'm so glad you're recovering well now and moving on.
I had another m/c but it was pretty late in the pg, so I had to go through natural labour to birth my son, but also ended up in theatre to remove the retained placenta which would have been a D & C as well. I've passed a lot of clots afterwards (sorry for TMI) and that freaked me out, so I guess I know some of the things to possibly expect after the D & C.
My AMH result was 3.8, but that was a few months ago, so not sure what it's now. It really sucks I'm also in the same position as you in terms of time the running out TTC, but I am so scared to try again fearing the same outcome.
Miss B - Im sorry you had to join this group, rather than your belly buddies. You will get lots of support here I'll be thinking of you tomorrow
Alison - Im glad your feeling stronger than a month ago. Good luck for this cycle. I dont know if its possible to be emotionally ready after loss, and especially after 3 in a row.
Gosh Miss.B that must have been so awful for you, I'm so so sorry for your little boy, how heartbreaking. Just think, if you can get through that you can get through anything, like this, you can and you will. We can all do it together. I hardly bled at all after my D&C, it was really skant but lasted 10 days, then I only had a couple of weeks and I got my period last week, which has also dragged on for 7 days but almost over. Like you I have no idea how your AMH drops, the FS told me I could have 6 months, 12, months, 2 years, they really don't have enough research to be able to know. I'm 39 in June so my number is quite low for my age even, but like me just think positive in the fact that while we mightn't have many eggs left, they are obviously doing enough to get pregnant. My first 2 mc's were due to progesterone issues which is the treatment I'm on, turns out this recent miscarriage was Trisomy 16 chromosonal issue (common apparently) so it had nothing to do with my hormones/treatment - which at first annoyed the heck out of me but then I thought well maybe in an odd kind of way it's a good thing because it means the progesterone supplements did their thing. Here's hoping next time is our time eh! I figured I'd never really be completely ready as I'll always be nervous and scared so might as well not waste any time and get back on the horse. With O looming I'm getting increasingly nervous and apprehensive mind you.....but I will continue on, I won't let it beat me and neither will you. All the best for tomorrow, will be thinking of you and sending you special hugs xx
Thanks toomanyshoes & chepie, I'm doing OK. I know it's such a sad day b/c I now definitely am not pg (although I still look it ) but at least I know I can now wait for my body to heal and hopefully we'll be trying again soon.
Oh Miss B That was kinda how I looked at my d&c as well, I'd been bleeding for so long that I wanted to be able to just move on.
How is everyone else? I saw your thread Diamond Girl, and was kinda at a loss as to what to say. Second guessing my reply and all that. I don't think we ever really get to the stage where we can hold newborns and see other babies and pregnant women without feeling that stab; I guess the best we can hope for is that the cut might not be so deep one day y'know?
AFM, Meow sent me a PM about something called 5-MTHFR the other day. Basically, some people are genetically unable to metabolise synthetic folate and folic acid. So all the vitamins, all the folic acid that's added to our food does nothing for us. Not having enough folate or folic acid can cause birth defects, recurrent miscarriages and depression. There's testing you can get done, but money's tight for us, so I'm just gonna start having green smoothies. The natural folate/folic acid is metabolised, just not the synthetic stuff. Given that all of my bubs were 6 weeks and I suffer from depression, I reckon I have it anyway. And there's no harm in getting more folate and folic acid anyway, right?
So I'm kinda putting my hopes on that. Doing the stupid exercise that hurts me and counting every dumb calorie as well of course. Hoping desperately that SOMETHING will work, because at the moment I am so skin hungry for my own take home baby that I could cry.
Oh Keike, I could just scream for you. I agree, something has to work- don't give up, beautiful. I know that stab you're talking about. I feel selfish for feeling it again, even with DS in my arms. I just wonder why some.people experience multiple losses, and others none. Not that I would wish anyone to go through that, but WHY me? Why us? I'll never know.
When DS was born, I stopped asking why. I felt like I'd had my taste of heartbreak, and I could begin to heal. I felt safe. I don't know why. I guess I conquered my fear of having 2 losses in a row. I showed myself I could have faith. Then, unexpectedly it happens again. And again I am wondering why. I don't want to be the woman who fears another loss. I don't want to have more angels than I do children here with me. But it seems I was destined for this path.
I think I'm rambling again. I should shut up. I've tasted bitterness, but I also have sweetness in my life. I am so sorry for those of you who are yet to taste such sweetness. It's a cruel world. The sting of a loss is far greater when your arms are empty. I wish I could ease your pain, Keike. But I know my efforts will be futile. One thing will help heal your heart, and I just don't have the power to give that to you. What I can offer is support., strength and love though. I have loads of that.
Miss B - have been thinking of you so much, I was just there 5 weeks ago so I feel your pain. You will start to heal now, although the full pain never seems to leave. xx
Keike - a lady who's just joined my playgroup was talking about that MTHFR thing the other day how weird!!! She had IVF for her first after years of unsuccessfully trying but when it came to the second her naturopath told her about the MTHFR so she tried some things and wallah, pregnant first try. Worth looking into.
AFM - well the clinic told me yesterday to get busy this weekend, I have to say I've been so hesitant to risk this again, can I do this, can I risk feeling the pain a 4th time in under 12 months. I figure I'll never be ready and as she told me my levels were great I decided to go for it. Although, as I'm just coming off my first AF since the D&C, it's really lingered, I'm Day 12 today which is usually when I O, but I've never really completely stopped spotting since AF, I had brown mixed in with my EWCM yesterday (sorry TMI) so not sure what that's all about. Probably another remind about my body trying to right itself after what it went through. I did panic yesterday and ask the nurse if it was definitely ok to go so soon after a miscarriage, and she said as long as I've had one natural cycle there's no reason not to, besides being mentally ready, which let's face it will I ever be again!
How is everyone else going. Porsche, where are you at with your cycle now? Hows the BCP going? xx
When I come in here I feel so much love, thank you so much for sending me your love and hugs. I really appreciate it and it makes it going through the m/c that much easier. You really are a great bunch
Keike, I just wanted to say that life really is a biatch sometimes and it makes me so mad when that happens to beautiful, caring wonderful people like yourself. I am so, so sorry for all your losses hun, I can't imagine your pain but so wish I could take it all away and grant you your wish of an earth side baby. I know that probably when you hear 'don't give up on your dream', you're probably rolling your eyes hun, but it really is true. Believe that dreams can and do come true and trust that they will for you. I can't imagine having 5 losses, I would have trouble myself in believing it could happen for me too, but if you don't believe it can happen, there is nothing to hope for, to believe in, to dream about and to reach out for. I pray for you for a miracle hun, because I believe that conception for anyone, is truly a miracle in itself. So many people that have had kids without experiencing a loss are naive, they don't get that falling pg and holding that beautiful baby in your arms is truly a miracle. Not something that happens when you just click your fingers or think about it and then bam! your UTD. So I will have everything crossed for you hunni xoxoxox
I'm really sorry for all of your losses ladies, it really is a heart breaking, life changing experience, and we are all left wondering, why me? It's just so unfair and I wish no one had to suffer it. My heart truly goes out to you all, I wish I could make all your dreams come true.
I'm scared to try again, I'm scared of facing the same outcome. I truly admire women who have had multiple losses and who try again, I think it takes so much courage and determination, and bravery and hope. I hope I have that in me. I think having a m/c makes you question if your body is able and it takes a lot to trust it again. There are so many factors that could be out of whack, sometimes simple and sometimes not so simple, sometimes they are very hard to find, which I think would be so so hard. I think the hardest thing would be to be told, we have no answers for you, we don't know why this is happening to you and why you can't get pg.
I'm sorry for this long winded novel, I feel pretty emotional today, I wish I could be positive again and know that I CAN do it. That my body CAN do it, but right now I have my doubts. I know that will go away. I can't wait for THAT day.
Love to all, and the biggest, warmest, beautiful hugs to all of you beautiful mummas
Alison, I am behind you all the way. I hope and pray that you get your miracle soon.
Alison - I'm still on BCP. I've upped my Diabex/Metformin to 2x tabs a day. I'll start taking 3x tablets a day on Thursday and I'll start sniffing on Sunday. I'll be sniffing for a week and then i'll stop BCP and wait for the witch to show her ugly face.
Hi to Foreshellby, Keike, Diamond Girl, Chepie & Toomanyshoes. to you all. This is a rotten path to tread.
I really didn't want to find myself here, but here I am. Instead of my belly buddies group I've now got a new one. I had an early m/c recently at 6w4d. We had IVF and first saw a HB when the little one should have been 7w5d, but it was only 6w4d. The little heart stopped beating shortly after that. I had a recent scan to re check the growth, but what should have been a little bubba measuring around the 8 week mark, it was still 6w4d. So I am going for a D & C tomorrow morning, I guess I will start to get on with my life after that. Call me a wuss, but I'm petrified of a natural m/c. The thing is that we're not spring chickens, and if we want to have another go we should have it asap, but I am so scared now. My egg reserve is really low too
I'll be thinking of you tomorrow 
) but at least I know I can now wait for my body to heal and hopefully we'll be trying again soon.
That was kinda how I looked at my d&c as well, I'd been bleeding for so long that I wanted to be able to just move on.
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