I spent the day with my beautiful friends talking about my pregnancy and a girlfriends and with other friends children running around us or getting cuddles.... I got home and when going to the toilet i find out im bleeding i panic and run out to Andrew who took me straight to casualty.. The dr came straight in to see me.. After an examination he finds that my cervix is closed still so this is a good sign.. I go home with some hope that bubba is just trying to worry mum again (after having cramping and brown mucus at 6 weeks and 5 days i had a ultrasound and all was well) i hardly sleep and rang the ultra sound people as soon as they open for an appointment to find out nothing until 3:30pm.. Deep down i knew that bubba was gone i had started to feel different and less symptoms in the last week to week and half i just thought that i was coming out the other side but when i was bleeding i knew....
3:30 took forever to come around mum and dad drove me down and Andrew met me there. We go in straight away when it went on i could see there was no baby... The pain the confusion when im told it happened at 8 weeks only 7-10 days after that first scan we thought you were 11 weeks.. How could i miss this?? how could my body lie for so long?? why did we tell people before 12 weeks?? How will i cope with people knowing and now tell them bubba is gone??? Was it a boy??? or a girl??? Did it look like me?? or my beautiful partner would he/she smile like him would they have his amazing personality???
I knew it all seemed to be to good to be true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To my beautiful much wanted bubba... Mummy and Daddy wanted you more then anything else we had brought you some beautiful things we had it all planned. Dad was starting to get more and more excited by the day wanting mummy's tummy to grow and to feel you kick... I hope you are ok and you are with the people i love i prayed to Pop Pop to look after us when i still thought you were inside me but now i know you were already there... You were to have his name if you were a boy and mummy and daddy sure you were... Please look over us and when we are ready for a brother or sister for you please make me strong to get through it..... All my love!!
Oh Janeo, I am crying tears for you. I haven't posted in here before, but reading your news and me being one of the people telling you it would be okay before I am just so sad and shocked for you.
I am so so sorry for the loss of your much-wanted precious baby
Oh Jane, I'm so sorry for what you and your DH are going through. A missed m/c is a really tough thing to cope with, because you do wonder how your body could lie to you like that. I struggled with that for awhile. In time you will come to realise that there was nothing you could have done to prevent this from happening, for now though, I understand that you just need to grieve.
Sweets, please know that we are all here for you, and understand what you are going through. You are strong enough to get through this, but there will be some hard days, and that is when you will turn to your friends. I assume that you are having a d&c and I want you to know I will be holding your hand through that.
Janeo sweety, i am sending you all my love and hugs. I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. Take time to grieve the loss of your precious little one. Know that the little spirit of your baby is with you always and will be taking special care of his/her mummy. In time you will find some peace within yourself and you will learn to live with the devasting loss but for now, just be kind to yourself, and believe that your little angel will send you a special gift when the time is right.
Im actually letting nature take its course but now im wondering if that was the right decision... What do people think i need some other peoples stories.. He told me the risks which was how i made the decision but not much is happening im not losing very much blood so im thinking ill leave it until wednesday afternoon and if still nothing then i might go back and talk to the dr... Thank you for your support so glad i have this place to turn to...
Jane, I am so very very sorry for your loss. I have been in a similar situation. I lost my first little one this way. Our little one died at 8.5w and I found out at 10.5w. I had no idea what had happened - why didn't I "know"? I felt like a failure as a mother, that I had let my baby down, and that my body had let me down.
Personally, I opted for the D&C. My OB at the time advised me to have a D&C as allowing nature to take it's course could have resulted in a lot of bleeding which could last for a long time, and possibly wind up having a D&C anyway. Furthermore, it may have taken sometime before things 'really' started to happen. Emotionally, I couldn't handle that - I needed some finality to it. I didn't think I could cope with all the bleeding and pain - both physically and emotionally.
My other two little angels were natural m/c as they were around the 5w mark and they usually don't do a D&C at that gestational age.
It's a very personal decision about what the next step should be, but definitely think about the options available and what you feel best with emotionally. It must be terrible having this happen right at Christmas - last Christmas I too lost a little one and it's heartbreaking.
Please know that I'm thinking of you and if I can help at all, then please let me know......
Jane - I'm so sorry for your loss. I had the same thing happen to me this time last year. We decided to tell everyone on Christmas Day only to find ou a week later it was all a lie.
I think you have to decided what works best for your situation d&c wise. If you dont have bubs still inside, then your body is working things out by itself. My little baby was still in there suspended in a lifeless state. I'll never forget the image in my head
A year on with a baby asleep on my chest, last year seems like a bad dream. Hopefully a year will bring good things for you too.
Big hugs, and again I'm sorry
I also had tears in my eyes reading your post..I'm so sorry that you and your partner have to go through this..it is heartbreaking isn't it..
At least our angel babies never have to feel all the pain and hurt of this world...a small comfort I think..
I had a similar experience to you, I should have been nearly 13 weeks preg and bubby possibly died sometime in the weeks before. I found that hard to comprehend when it happened. As in, why didn't I know that this had happened?? In my mind now, I think that during a missed misc our babies don't get to have normal cuddles so it is there little way of hanging on to mum a little bit longer..
I had a D and C with mine. But I don't think there is any right or wrong choice. I think I just felt things had gone on for long enough so I wanted to have it done so we could keep moving forward..I'm sure you will make the right choice for you.
Like everyone says, we are all here for you..
Lots and Lots of Love.
xx
ps..I'm sure our angel babies will have a great play together!!
Jane.. after my friend lost her baby (@20w) yesterday i have now come onto these posts to read about how you get through this tough time and how friends/family can help. After my girlfriend yesterday and now reading your post has made me realise how lucky we are to get each day with our precious little angels inside us. I am at work and trying to hold back tears but i cant.. i am thinking of you during the extremely tough time and my prays go out to you and DP.
So sorry for your loss Janeo. Big hugs to you and DH. You brought tears to my eyes reading your post. Wishing you all the best and praying that your little angel is in a better place right now!
OH Jane I cant believe it, im so so sorry. I hope you find the light at the end of the tunnel, your little one is looking over you now keeping you safe. God bless.
BellyBelly Member
A missed miscarriage...
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks