Please dont say that because you couldnt make it out of the house just yet that the attempted trip was a "failure", you have come further than before to heading out that door and that has to be an acheivement in itself. Maybe leaving the house is just to much just yet, can i just suggest sitting outside in the sunshine (providing its sunny there of course) can be your first step and dont be too hard on yourself. I didnt really do anything socially until 6 months after Katelyn had been born and of course i would have been 3 months pregnant with Lucy at that time aswell.
I cant tell you how we all found the strength to get pregnant again but for me i just wanted to experience some of the joy of pregnancy again (like having a great scan etc) rather than just Katelyn's loss. I tried to go on thinking like Mel said that Katelyn would have wanted me to be happy and if she was here she would have loved little brothers and sisters (as i was an only child after my parents had 9 miscarriages and that was all i can remember wanting as a young child) so i had to keep trying to fall pregnant. I did at times feel guilty for wanting another child but you know that your love for Harrison can never be replaced and it will never be deminished when another child is born, he and his twin will both always have their special places in your heart and having a sibling for them is not a betrayl. I like to think that Katelyn understands all these thoughts that float around in my head as i do feel her presence with me everyday.
There are other things that i have done to remember Katelyn and if you like i can share these with you next time i post. Like i have said before i am an open book.
Love Sarah xx
Hi Mel,
I havent read your story (i will go there in a second) but i am really sorry to hear about the loss of your little boy. I am 2 and a half years down the track from when Katelyn was born and i do still have good and bad days and cry at the drop of a hat too but the good days will start to outnumber the bad as you find a way (which we all do) to celebrate the miracle of your sons life in your life. As you have said another pregnancy will be an extremely anxious time but there is lots of support on BB to help you through. I am currently in my second pregnancy after having Katelyn (the first after resulted in my beautiful daughter Lucy who is the light of my life) and both times i have relied heavily on the support of my friends on BB like Bec77 above to help me through so there are lots of people here for you when that times comes because nobody who hasnt lost a baby can truly understand how difficult it is to try again. I will go and read your thread now.
Mel, Thanks so much me for offering me your personal email address. That is such a kind gesture from you during such a difficult time. I am going to send you an email tomorrow after a good nights sleep and probably yet another good cry.
Sarah your advice about my ill-fated trip was very sweet. I was really down on myself but I realise that I am probably pushing myself. I have been feeling a little less emotional this afternoon. I suspect this is only temporary, but I am trying to focus on the good things that will come out of this experience although I don't quite know what they are yet. I guess meeting all the wonderful women on BB (if only in cyberspace) is a wonderful gift.
I can tell my DH is feeling the stress of all of this. He has been so very supportive and so strong throughout all of this that I think I need to pay some attention to him. When I finally got moving this morning, I saw that he had been into the nursery and opened the windows and curtains. That meant so very much to me because he hasn't done that before. I think that we are going to try going to the movies tonight. I know this is a massive step but my DH doesn't want to leave me alone at all and he is slowing going crazy cooped up in this house.. As of tomorrow it has been two weeks at home apart from the memorial service and collecting Harrison's ashes although it feels like a lifetime. My DH said that he doesn't care if we buy the movie tickets and then I decide that I want to leave, that he is proud of me for just trying.
Dearest KAB, it is inspirational to hear that someone who has sufferred such a loss of a dear little baby girl can offer such encouragment. You must be very brave and I keep reading your post and the posts of other ladies to help me realise that this isn't a bad dream that I am going to wake up from. Thank you, you will never really know how much this means to me.
I will be back tomorrow for sure. Thank you to all of you for helping me get through this pain.
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