Well today my heart is broken again...pregnancy number 5....we got a little further this time and saw our little one on scan...then today as I held DH hand we saw the same picture as we did a week ago...nothing had changed...our little one has left us...I will never forget the look on DH face...I feel so empty...and I can't fight this feeling that I just want to go to hospital have a D&C and it all be over...I need this to end...and to top things off my boss totally cracked it when I called to say I need time off work...it really was the last straw...it doesn't matter if your 10 weeks prenant or 10 days pregnant the love you have for your child the moment you know it exists is intense and real...how does asking "how far along were you" help...does it determine the amount of grief one is allowed to feel...does that help people gage how long they have to 'deal' with me...people are strange...very strange...I don't know what I'm supposed to do now...I've swept the floor twice...wiped the kitchen bench down a few times...walked around the house for a bit...what do I do now???? I thought burning the pregnancy magazines and every piece of baby stuff in the house...not that there's much...I guess I get through now..and worry about what happens next when it happens...I wouldn't wish this on anyone...thanks for listening.