This sounds so awful for you. I hope you are getting a lot of support through this.

I think counselling is a really good idea - this is something you will have to face at some stage, when you're ready, and counselling might be able to give you some strategies to help with that.

Meanwhile, would it help at all to make sure your DF knows that this is an issue, and maybe let him know that you are completely open to some self-satisfaction while you get through this? I knwo that every relationship is different, and I think that only you can work out what will be right for you. Big hugs and I hope you can get through it.