Scrap everything I have said. Now my dp says he doesn't see himself wanting kids ever, but that if I fall pregnant he wouldn't ask me to terminate. Pardon my french, but WTF? The only way I will get pg is if we are trying.... and that can't happen as long as he says no. Why is he playing these games with me? He keeps changing his story. No, maybe, in 6 months, let's try now, and back to NEVER. I am so upset and angry.... I've waited 2 years, been with him almost 3 and now this? It appears I may have to walk away from a man I love dearly because he's far too busy thinking of himself to even consider my views on parenthood. For every positive view I bring to him, he has a way to shoot it down with his negative attitude. He's told me not to discuss it with him 'for a while' now. I don't want to wait quietly until it's almost too late. What am I meant to do? I am devastated, but can't even say so because if I cry then he'll be angry with me. I feel so broken. Don't know where to turn or which of his answers to believe. He says no, never, but if it happens (no idea how when I'm on bcp) he'll be excited. Games! Sick of it.
I am just wondering if he is saying this to protect himself? It's such a scarey thing putting yourself back out there to conceive again... maybe he's just not ready yet?
Sometimes boys just aren't very good at explaining themselves.
Maybe he just needs a little time. I realise that it may be hard for you to understand but as someone who has been in a position where their DH said "enough" and wouldn't discuss the topic for months on end he probably just isn't expressing himself very well.
I don't know your personal circumstances but I can guess, given where this is being posted. Please try to remember that people grieve loss differently, and it is harder to understand other people's grieving process if it doesn't fit the same timeframe as your own.
Maybe give him a little bit of time and try to put TTCing out of your mind (and out of the topics for discussion) for a little while and give him some space to come around to the idea again.
Thanks for all of your replies, I feel slightly better after a rough day at work, at least I had a different set of problems to focus on!
Anyway, to clarify, it's been 2 years since my mc. And I highly doubt he is afraid of another loss since he doesn't mourn the first. He doesn't remember the anniversary dates, and this year I didn't bother to remind him as the response would be the same blank stare I always get. He always gets this glazed over look when I talk about it, like I have no right to bring up the subject because he's so ashamed of how he acted. He should be thanking his lucky stars I forgave him, and allowing me to depend on him for support. I have no-one else. Truth is my pg was unplanned, and he totally freaked out. He did everything he could to 'make' me get an abortion. I refused, but lost our baby anyway. He isn't scared of another loss, as the first one is negligable to him. He also says that babies have been a huge topic for the last 2 years, which I understand could be frustrating to him. He said to give it a rest for a while and maybe he will warm to the idea. So I am doing what he asked in the hopes he meant it, and this isn't another mindgame.
I feel like I'm dangling on a string just waiting to be cut loose. I'm waiting for the day he says NEVER and doesn't change his mind again. I just don't want to be a mummy with empty arms anymore, but he doesn't get that. His need to play videogames and get drunk whenever he feels like it are more important than moving to the next phase of life. He's 32, and I fear the next excuse will be 'I'm too old.' I can already see it coming.
Me, I'm only 25, but I feel that his age is going to play a major role in our TTC or not. I also worry that if I can mc when I'm young and healthy (was 23) then what will happen if I wait till I'm 30? I just forsee such an empty and pointless existance ahead of me if I don't have children. It's something I can't compromise on.
You're all very right. This is a tough one. I'm resolving to keep quiet for a year. If he doesn't come around, then..... I don't even want to say it. But you all know.
I had a dream last night that I was pregnant, and he was wonderful and excited in my dream. I find myself even more confused. Is this my wishful thinking, or is this someone telling me it won't be long till he comes around? Btw this dream came out of the blue, we had our last ttc discussion last Friday and I've kept my mouth shut since then.
I just feel like our relationship and my life have no purpose whatsoever right now. Very depressing. But I'm trying to hold my head up high, and hang in there. That's how much I love him. I wish he would realize how much I am suffering for him, and just make a decision either way so I know what to do. Right now I'm in limbo.
Thanks again to all of you for your support. Sorry for rambling, I just don't have anywhere else to turn. I sure can't talk to him about it.
I absolutely understand how frustrating and hurtful it is to have the man you love tell you he's not ready when you desperately want a baby. i lost my baby 4 wks & 4 days ago. my dh decided we will try again "one day" but not now. Our pregnancy was unplanned but b4 i fell preg we had planned to try in ausgust.. Now he doesn't know that he will be ready then either WTF. I dont think he is greiving either.. he doesn't greive. Its like, why are you doing this to me! I would never withhold happiness from him.
So like yourself i decided to keep quiet.. its been about 2 weeks since i said that and i already find myself getting frustrated & keep dropping in little comments bout how much i wish i was pregnant
I hope your man comes around. It must be SUPER hard to hear NEVER. I feel for you.
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the rollercoaster continues
No advice but lots of support. That is not an easy situation to be in.
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