I spent the day with my beautiful friends talking about my pregnancy and a girlfriends and with other friends children running around us or getting cuddles.... I got home and when going to the toilet i find out im bleeding i panic and run out to Andrew who took me straight to casualty.. The dr came straight in to see me.. After an examination he finds that my cervix is closed still so this is a good sign.. I go home with some hope that bubba is just trying to worry mum again (after having cramping and brown mucus at 6 weeks and 5 days i had a ultrasound and all was well) i hardly sleep and rang the ultra sound people as soon as they open for an appointment to find out nothing until 3:30pm.. Deep down i knew that bubba was gone i had started to feel different and less symptoms in the last week to week and half i just thought that i was coming out the other side but when i was bleeding i knew....

3:30 took forever to come around mum and dad drove me down and Andrew met me there. We go in straight away when it went on i could see there was no baby... The pain the confusion when im told it happened at 8 weeks only 7-10 days after that first scan we thought you were 11 weeks.. How could i miss this?? how could my body lie for so long?? why did we tell people before 12 weeks?? How will i cope with people knowing and now tell them bubba is gone??? Was it a boy??? or a girl??? Did it look like me?? or my beautiful partner would he/she smile like him would they have his amazing personality???

I knew it all seemed to be to good to be true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

To my beautiful much wanted bubba... Mummy and Daddy wanted you more then anything else we had brought you some beautiful things we had it all planned. Dad was starting to get more and more excited by the day wanting mummy's tummy to grow and to feel you kick... I hope you are ok and you are with the people i love i prayed to Pop Pop to look after us when i still thought you were inside me but now i know you were already there... You were to have his name if you were a boy and mummy and daddy sure you were... Please look over us and when we are ready for a brother or sister for you please make me strong to get through it..... All my love!!