What can we do for a friend who has lost her baby?

[{sarah}]

I just found out a few minutes ago that a friend of mine lost her first baby at 42 weeks on Monday She is living in London with her husband at the moment & we only got a few details.... Apparently "miss kicky pants" had a heartbeat on Friday but there were complications with the birth on Monday & she was stillborn. Apparently mum is fine physically but obviously emotionally she is a wreck

I'm not really sure what we can do from here to show our support... I was thinking of speaking to the "write their name in the sand" lady once I find out little girl's name, but other than that what can we do?

[cindyb]

I am not sure there is much you can do other than let her know that you are there for her when she needs to talk.

I am so sorry to hear of such a tragedy, the name in the sand idea is a great one - or maybe buy her a star?

[blessedatlast]

Losing a baby is such an awful experience and everyone copes differently, but in my experience and from hearing of others, the worst thing is when bub isn't acknowledged.. The Names in the sand thing is a beautiful idea, also acknowledge the baby's birth.. Ask the 'normal' questions you would have asked had she been alive.. Weight, length, etc.. ask to see photos (or ask if they have any, then their reaction will let you know if they want to show you or not).. Acknowledge that they are parents. And be there months after not just 'now'.. You may find everyone is there for them now, but will 'move on' in a month or so and thats when it can really hit home and it starts to sink in.. It is so beautiful that you have actually taken the time to ask what to do.. to your friend..

[kirsty_lee]

Its a hard situation isn't it? Cause you don't want to overstep the boundaries and smother them but don't want to seem like you don't care either. I think as long as she knows that she can lean on you for a shoulder to cry on that's all you can do I suppose.

[Michelle71]

Having Caitlyn acknowledged was so important. She was born. She is our daughter. Recognise she exists!!! I had friends in the UK who sent flowers which was nice because I knew they couldn't visit or give me a hug or even (really) a call. Getting the flowers and a card meant they were thinking of us and that was really important.

If you have skype / email / FB contact with them, a call in a week or so and then every month or so would be great. It was lovely to be supported initially but it is so isolating in the following few months when your heart is still broken and everyone seems to have moved on but you. You feel like you have no one to talk to and it feels like no one wants to mention the baby you desperately need to talk about.

Happy to answer any questions - having a distracted day

[{sarah}]

At the moment I'm trying to organise all the friends in the area to do a pink balloon release on Sunday. I'll take photos & do a video where everyone can say a personal message.

Thanks Cindy for the star idea, I'm going to organise that as well.

[Spring Angel]

What beautiful ideas Sarah, you are a gorgeous friend.

The only other suggestion I was going to make was to make a donation to the Stillbirth foundation (or the UK association) in her daughters honour.

The other thing, please don't send a sympathy card, I got so many I just wanted to rip them up. A beautiful hand written note on some nice writing paper will be so much nicer and kinder for her.

Spring xx

[lilima]

My cousin lost her baby 1 year ago today. I bought her a star in his name.

I also made sure that I remembered every important anniversary - meaning I sent her a mothers day card, a Christmas momento etc as although he is not here, she is still his mum. I think the most important thing is like others have said, people will begin to forget in a few months, and that will be when it is hardest for them.