Timing of EDD after Loss

[Ilithyia]

I know its not even been 2 weeks since Reid's birth and part of me feels guilty for even thinking these thought already

I want to try for another baby in February. That gives me 3 months to get my body back in order.

I'm not even sure where my cycle is at given the timing of thing but assuming that I get my bleed back 28 days after Reid's birth, I've worked out that if I concieve in Feb like I want to, the baby will be due on the 20th of November. 2 days before Reid's birthday.

From what I have read in books, when trying for another baby after a loss, you must avoid the birthday of your like that plague.

What's everyones thoughts on this?

[skybie]

This baby is due about 9 days after jacks first birthday. i desperately wanted to have birthed before his day, but my body didint want to play that game. for me it would have been having something happy around a time of such sadness.
i think its up to the individual, if you dont think you'd be able to handle it, then dont do it. if you think its something you'll be able to deal with then go for it.

its not an easy decision hun, here if u need to talk xxx

[TeniBear]

Amelia was born 10 days after Ianto's birthday. In fact, on his birthday proper, I spent most of the day in hospital because she'd flipped breech and we had to wait to find out what our options were with that.

It didn't really bother me, having their birthdays so close. In some ways it makes me feel happy I have/had something happy around that time so I'm forced to not mope around, if that makes sense?

[Ilithyia]

I guess I dont really want the baby born on Reids birthday. The fact that its his birth day and the day he died I don't anything to take away from his special day.

I'm not really phased if the baby came within a week before or after his birthday just not on the day.

Its really hard to estimate without knowing when my bleed is going to come back and if its even going to be normal. So it seems kinda pointless even worrying about it but its something that I've been thinking about I guess.

Amelia was born 10 days after Ianto's birthday. In fact, on his birthday proper, I spent most of the day in hospital because she'd flipped breech and we had to wait to find out what our options were with that.

It didn't really bother me, having their birthdays so close. In some ways it makes me feel happy I have/had something happy around that time so I'm forced to not mope around, if that makes sense?

Thats perfect sense

This baby is due about 9 days after jacks first birthday. i desperately wanted to have birthed before his day, but my body didint want to play that game. for me it would have been having something happy around a time of such sadness.
i think its up to the individual, if you dont think you'd be able to handle it, then dont do it. if you think its something you'll be able to deal with then go for it.

its not an easy decision hun, here if u need to talk xxx

Thanks heaps hun
x

[Miss.B]

Hun, I'm very sorry your little man couldn't stay earth side Don't feel guilty wanting to TTC soon. I wanted to be pg almost straight after I lost Josh. I lost him in October 08, but I had to wait a few months to fix the problem that sent me into early labour, and then 6 months for my uterus to heal. The waiting time was horrible! GL TTC hun, I hope it happens for you soon xoxox

[~ Mylitta ~]

I just wanted to say that you shouldn't feel guilty for wanting to TTC again so soon. The desire for a child doesn't lessen after a loss. Wanting to conceive another child does not take away any of the pain and grief you feel over the loss of your precious son, and it certainly doesn't mean you love him any less. Our hearts have an infinite capacity to love and when you conceive your next child you will find that your heart just expands to hold all that extra love. Best of luck to you ♥

[LionsandBears]

Part of our timing conceiving DS2 was to not have the same EDD or birthday as DS1. DS1 was due late August and birn late July. DS2 was due mid October and born mid June. Assuming there's a next time, we're ignoring the timing. It didnt change our stress levels last time and it all went to hell anyway.

For us, we'll try again when the hope outweighs the fear. The timing will be irrelevant. Also, assuming we manage to get a healthy one next time, I wont be going to 40 weeks, so the timing will be different there anyway.

[Ilithyia]

Very true Mylitta! To be honest, I think its more of a fear of what people will think that is getting to me. I get the feeling people are afraid to ask if we'll try again. I guess if I were an outsider I would be afraid of offending someone who has lost a baby if they were going to try for another baby.

I mean in the big scheme of things, its a decision that only DP and I can make. Not anyone else. I spoke to DP about it lastnight and he is adamant that my body be aok before trying again.

L&B - I hope you find renewed hope some day soon hun. I can even begin to imagine the emotions that you both must be feeling. Never lose sights of your dreams hun. Sending much love xxx

[JennaJayen]

DS was born just a few days before the anniversary of when I found out I was pregnant with my first angel (lost 21/1/05), DD was born the same month (march) that I had miscarried the previous pregnancy right before she was concieved, though she was born on the 30th and I had miscarried on the 12th the year before.
This pregnancy is a bit harder as it is due on July 7th, which is the day I lost my 3rd Angel, and it is also DHs birthday, so I am hoping that he/she comes a little bit earlier for my peace of mind.

In saying that though, if this bub comes on it's due date of July 7th, I will accept it and celebrate with DH, as much as he doesn't like the idea he will be getting a new son or daughter as our joint birthdays present (my birthday is July 18th so we tend to share each year, and with a previous history of me going overdue and never going into labour on my own and an extensive family history of going overdue - my paternal grandmother went 5 weeks overdue with her youngest, and my mum was 2 weeks overdue with both me and my brother - my chances of going early are slim).

What really got me though was that people conveniently "forgot" about my miscarriages and when I did bring them up all they said was "Oh well, it just wasn't meant to be" or "something was wrong with it anyway, better to have a healthy baby later on than one with serious medical problems now" and then went on to say "you can just try again any time". That really hurt for me.

Whenever you are ready physically your body will tell you hun, I hope it happens quickly for you though!

Sorry if that didn't make much sense, I'm exhausted and suffering from insomnia so my brain isn't working as well as it should

[KAM]

Sara, I'm so sorry that you Reid wasn't able to stay with you.

As for wanting to TTC so soon, I think it's completely normal, once I had gotten over the initial shock of what had happened the thought of TTC again was prominent for me as well and after every loss, even Isabel, I was pregnant within 3mths. Good Luck, I hope that when you and your body are ready it happens quickly for you.

Kate was due on the 1st anniversary of losing Baby #3, which made it hard for me, but I think the hardest thing was that Kate was taking away from Baby #3 and that the miscarriage is more easily forgotten by everyone. It was heartbreaking when I accidentally forgot Baby #3's anniversary, at the time I had a 2wks old newborn but that shouldn't be an excuse, they're equally important.

This time is proving even harder and I'm not even sure how I'm going to make it through February. Isabel and her twin were due 20th April and this one is due the 8th April which means that I'll be about the same gestation this time as I was with Isabel at the same time that I lost her, IYKWIM. I've noticed that because of that I'm comparing the pregnancies more than usual and the similarities are taking there toll.

As everyone else has said it is a personal choice, I'm probably finding it harder because I'm a "glass half empty" person but if you think you can manage or even find something positive then you do what feels right.

[Ilithyia]

Thank you all for sharing your experiences with me. I appreciate it

I guess its different for everyone and that there are a lot of things to consider.

At this point I really want to have another baby but I'm also drawn to finish my Uni degree aswell. So i'm in bind at the moment about what to do.

Thanks again for your experiences :-)

Maybe some time soon i'll be able to come back and update my own thread...

[ticklish]

Hi Sara,

Really sorry that Reid could not stay and praying that you will come back and update this thread later this year.

When we lost our first bub I was desperate to TTC again but my body didn't allow me. I had PCOS and didn't have any cycles at all for six months afterwards so was desperate to try but physically unable to. It hurt like crazy.

Then AF reared her ugly head on EXACTLY the same LMP date as the cycle when our first angel bub was conceived the year before. I was beside myself with grief because if I conceived that cycle our second bub would techically have had the same EDD as our angel bub.

Well, guess what happened - yes DS1 was conceived that cycle. My true EDD ended up being later due to dating scans as I actually had an irregular cycle again. DS1 was born 2 weeks after what I will always consider should have been his elder siblings first birthday and in the same month. Honestly, now I don't mind so much about the date as when DS was first born as it has now been several years and three children later but I still want to remember my first baby that never made it that time of year.

In another strange coincidence, the actual date I miscarried became the LMP date three years later when DS2 was conceived and his EDD was actually the LMP date from my first two pregnancies - so how is that for congruence.

I believe the spirit of my first bub was telling me something about timing. Even though these dates came with painful memories these dates were also relevant for two successful pregnancies. I believe my first baby was telling me in a weird way that the timing was exactly right for me to have more babies after him even though the significant dates had painful memories and were linked to my first unsuccessful pregnancy, it was what he wanted. Call me weird!

I guess my message is, don't worry what others think. It is you and your DH's feelings that are important in deciding when you are ready to TTC again and other people are unlikely to say anything negative if they say anything at all. Truly I think the timing of your next baby is predetermined and I honestly believe that if you happen to conceive and have a baby due around the same time Reid was born, then that is what is meant to be and it will be that way because that is what Reid wants for you.

Wishing you much happiness and healing in 2012.

TICKLISH