Even worse now as someone i thought was a friend was just very insensitive about it.. /crys. I have sat and listened to her through a few cycles now and this is what i get back when i need my friends right now made me feel like maybe im being silly.. but then part of me says no, no your not.
*crys*
Everything today seems to be just horrible... i just wanna go to bed!
Whats worse is tomorrow i have to pull myself together, as i have a wedding to do. in 43 degree heat.... i am just so guttered!
of course you arent being selfish
some peopel do go through entire pregnancies passing clots the whoel way through, wait and see how your results come back.
if i read the words "silly" or "selfish" again in regard to this, i'm gonna have to hunt you down in tomorrows 43 degree heat, and wrap you in the biggest squishiest hug EVER as punishment
you know what - it doesn't matter how planned or unplanned a pregnancy it - it freakin HURTS to lose it, and anyone that tells you that you're wrong to feel that pain has absolutely NFI how much it hurts! you can't just lock those feelings away, you cant pretend it didn't happen
for 36 or 48 hours you knew in your heart that you were going to be a mum again. it wasn't the timing you expected, but it wasn't bad news - just unplanned! in that time, you had an amazing capacity to love that little embryo open up within you - and when that angel was stolen from you, that part of your heart was ripped out.
your friend - well, they're either insensitive, have no idea of what you're going through - or have a serious case of foot in mouth disease. the reality is, this WILL hurt. you can try to pretend it doesn't, but all you're doing is lying to yourself
LET YOURSELF FEEL this - if you dont, it's going to screw with you for a damn long time - you'll go through moments of self doubt (what did i do to make this happen), guilt (i wasn't ready for baby, i must have done something) and then extreme guilt for denying your angel the love and respect it deserves. trust me - i did this with one of my angels - i refused to grieve for a long time - i didn't know i was pg, so why should i feel any pain. i ended up really messed up until i allowed myself to access the emotions regarding that angels loss
thinking of you (and please don't make me hunt you down - it's gonna be DAMN hot and i don't wanna!)
I've been there and seen what you have seen and over 9 years later it still brings tears to my eyes.
Please let yourself grieve it's SO important. I would only let myself cry in the shower when no one would know, I felt like I was being silly grieving but honestly it catches up to you. I hit the wall months later and didn't know why i couldn't stop crying and it eventually all came out. Then came the guilt of not acknowledging them earlier.
I'm still grieving 9 years after loosing the twins and they will always be a part of our family.
I acknowledge them now and talk about them with their brother and sister. We light candles on their due date and christmas etc. We planted a gorgeous rose bush for them that grows beautifully in a garden that doesn't do well otherwise and we pick the flowers and bring them inside and enjoy them.
I guess all I'm trying to say is that IF your baby has gone, let yourself cry and don't let what you hear from others dictate to you what you feel. I heard some amazingly cruel things from people who should know better. Just follow your heart.
made me feel like maybe im being silly.. but then part of me says no, no your not.
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