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Thread: Bonding

  1. #19
    tiggy Guest

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    Hey Becc!!!
    So good to hear from you!!!

    Today has been a good day! Ivy and Noah both gained 60g today (Ivy had no top ups and Noah DID have them) so we have stepped up to alternate tube and suck. Of course this means I won't get home until midnight buit who cares!! We are one step closer to going home!

    For me, Becc I feel like I HAVE to fight because I never got to do anything for William and there is no way that I am going to miss out on anything, if I can help it with these guys. THe nurses say don't come in if it's too hard (with the other kids, etc) we'll bath them but that is something that is really important to me. When Will died they asked me if I wanted to bath him after he was gone and I said no and instantly regreted it when I had left the hospital. I can't leave it for someone else this time, do you know what I mean? They certainly don't feel like mine yet... I was thinking about walking out of those hospital doors in a couple of weeks with them in our arms and it still seems so unreal.



    How are you??? How is your little guy?
    I think of you often, knowing that you got me through some truly horrible days.
    Keep in touch, ok?

  2. #20
    Melinda Guest

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    *pops head around the corner*

    YIPPPEEEEE for Ivy & Noah gaining weight!!! WELL DONE GUYS!!!!

  3. #21
    tiggy Guest

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    Thanks Melinda!

    How's my fave mod going?

  4. #22
    Melinda Guest

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    Not too badly thanks Tiff!!! Trying to look towards a better year than the last! It ended pretty poorly for me as you know, so here's hoping that this one is much better.

    Thanks for asking after me! You're a gem!

  5. #23

    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Wales, UK
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    606

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    Tiff - i'm so glad Ivy and Noah are gaining so well. It sounds as if your twins are well on the way to coming home with you. You're right re Noah, no news is good news. \/

    I discharged myself from hospital 2 days after the birth, because I had already been in hospital for 8 weeks and I felt so depressed I knew I had to get back home asap fir my own sanity. But when I was home, I felt as if my body was screaming 'i've just had a baby, where is she now' sort of thing. I was such a mess.

    The nurses at NICU were ok, but I just felt so unconnected to the entire situation. I felt like an outsider looking in.

    I admire your strength tiff, I really do. I don't know if I can cope with having another prem baby. This last year has torn me apart. I feel as if (even now) I put one foot in front of the other, and try to block out what's happened. My dh doesn't like to talk about it, and I feel like no one else understands.

    Becc - Seren is totally fine now though. She weighs 12lb15oz and is nearly 8 months old now. She seems quite content and happy. How are you getting on?

    You have been through so much, keep going and give us loads of updates!

  6. #24

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    Tiff, great to hear that Ivy and Noah have both gained weight. Way to go bubbas! Good news about the alternate suck and tube feeds too. They are getting closer and closer to those hospital doors. I found that once Josh got to that point, he was on the downhill run. I meant to say yesterday that I had taken a look at their piccies. They are just adorable!

    I do know what you mean about needing to do everything for the twins. I was the same with Josh. I didn't want someone else taking care of him. It is definitely worth all the late nights and travelling time, but very tiring. You must be exhausted. I was exhausted and I only had one bub in hospital and no kids at home to take care of!

    Josh is doing really well. Unfortunately I had to give up breastfeeding him (he just never really got the hang of it) and he is bottle fed now, but he is feeding and growing really well. Being born so early, it took him a while to get out of that newborn stage, but he is really coming along now - all smiles and chats. I've done up a webpage with a few photos if you want to have a look.

    WelshGirl, I'm doing well thanks. I've recovered well after the preeclampsia and C/S. My BP still seems to be sitting a little high, but hopefully a bit of weight loss will help that. It sounds like Seren is doing really well too after such a rough start. I had a look at her photos and she is such a sweet little thing. The picture of her on her tummy just made me want to pick her up and cuddle her! Are you TTC again now? I can understand how scared you are about maybe having another prem. Have your doctors said anything to you about the possibility of it happening again? It's a lot for you to consider after everything you went through.

    Girls, do you think it's worth me asking one of the mods if it would be possible to create a sticky general chatter thread in this forum? It might be a good place for prem/NICU mums to chat?

  7. #25
    kirsty Guest

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    Becc, I will ask the other mods what they think in regards to including a sticky general chatter thread in here for everyone to use to keep up with everyone's news.

    Currently there is a debug in the system that won't let me post a new topic but I'll let you know as soon as I know anything, OK?

  8. #26

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    Wow, that was quick. I didn't even have to ask! Talk about on the ball!

    Thanks Kirsty. Will wait to hear from you.

  9. #27
    kirsty Guest

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    No dramas Becc.

    BTW Joshua is just gorgeous, hope that all is going well with him.

  10. #28
    tiggy Guest

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    Becc and Kirsty,

    I think a general chatter thread would be fantastic! I have found that I don't really belong anywhere yet because my babies aren't home while all the other girls are having their daily challenges, they are different ones from what I am experiencing. It would be good to talk to others who have or are going through the same thing.

    Becc,

    just looked at your site, he is BEAUTIFUL!

    I am exhausted but as you say, it is all worth it. Did you worry when you brought him home, was he on the monitors for a while? Was he on CPAP or oxygen and for long? Did he get the steroids? Ivy and Noah have just been taken off the little apnea monitors now and I feel paniced sometimes when I leave.

    Welshgirl,

    I hear you. that empty arms thing is so hard. I've done it twice now, for different reasons and it isn't any easier. I understand the depression too. To go through a hard pregnancy and then to have a sick baby afterwards,is very disheartening. you just begin to feel better after the birth and you have to start the long haul into the hospital for a tiny little being, and it seems surreal. It does take a long time to work through all the emotions. I understand too your dread at having another prem baby. I felt that way when I knew we would have to go back into the NICU after William, when we found that we were expecting Ivy and Noah. As it got closer to their birth, the worse I felt.
    David doesn't talk about the birth or our time in the NICU either, he feels that we should just move on but some days are so overwhelming, aren't they and when you can't debrief and have to hold it all in, it makes it all the harder. Hang in there, you can debrief in here all you need to, I know I will.

    Hey Melinda,

    I know you had a terrible time of it lately, haven't you. My heart goes out to you. I will keep everything crossed for you in 2006.

  11. #29

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
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    Narre Warren Sth
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    Tiff
    I'm so glad to read that Noah and Ivy have once again put on weight! That is such fantastic news!!
    Good on you for fighting to be a mother to YOUR babies in the NICU. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you esp being a midwife.
    I will continue to read up on the twins progress. I just can't wait to hear the news that they are coming home.
    Love Sarahxx

  12. #30

    Join Date
    Feb 2005
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    canberra
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    I can relate to the feeling of not "owning" your child. Maria was born at 34 weeks and spent 3 and a half weeks in the NCC at Royal Womens in Sydney.

    The first couple of weeks in level 2 were really hard. Our cares originally were at 7am and 1pm, 7pm and 1am, this was useless because staff change over was at 7 and we would be kicked out for 20 minutes and often the cares would have been started/finished when we got there as we were never sure of when changeover would be completed. 1pm was useless as well as sleep time was from 1-3pm and everyone was kicked out. After we got the times changed to 6 and 12 it was better.

    I had a few scares when I would go to the NCC and Maria's space would be empty. The first time this happened the student nurses (naively) told me that Maria was in Level 3 care and left it at that, no explanation or anything. Well I just burst into tears (day3 didn't help) and one of the more experienced midwives told me she was just getting a canular in and that she would be back soon - I still think they shoudl have told me, I was only just upstairs. The nightmares that I was going to lose her started from this occasion, and they have only just stopped).

    No everything was bad about level 2, I was allowed to visit whenever I wanted (except 1-3pm) and the midwives I had were really supportive of trying to get me to express. We were allowed to have kangaroo cuddles, but sometimes it felt as if it was a bit of a hassle, we quickly learn't which midwives to ask. I think however that there needs to be more support for the husbands, DH felt excluded at times by the midwives as if they just didn't think he needed to be there, sometimes it felt as as parents, our only job was to be a cow and provide EBM.

    Things got better in level 1, you could do more with the babies and it felt as if Maria was "my baby" there and we could bond. The midwives were more relaxed, they said to visit as much as we wanted, you can imagine their surprise when DH turned up at 2.45am one night because he couldn't sleep and wanted to do Maria's 3am cares, it was great because he got to feed her her very first bottle. DH started a trend for the other Dads to turn up in the middle of the night.


    Hope this hasn't been too long, it feels great to share these feelings and events.


    Louise

  13. #31

    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Wales, UK
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    Hi Maria. How is little Lousie getting on now? How heavy was she born? It sounds as if you've been through such a hard time. My dh had a bit of a hard time at NICU too, and was made to feel like a bit of a spare wheel (so he tells me now).

    Becc - We are ttc again, but with not much luck so far! I am worried about getting pre eclampsia again and i'm told it's high risk to happen again because I have high BP anyway - but no one knows for sure. I'd do it all over again anyway, because the end result is soooo worth it! O

    Tiff - how are the tiny twins getting on? When is the next weigh day? Are you looking after yourself too, getting plenty of rest and sleep when you can etc?

    Love Gwen xx

  14. #32

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    Thanks Kirsty & Tiff, I think he's pretty gorgeous too but I'm more than just a little bit biased! And Kirsty, can I just say I love seeing that ticker under your signature!

    Tiff, the answer to pretty much all of your questions in your last post is yes. Josh did get the steroids. It all happened pretty quickly. I was admitted to hospital on a Wednesday at 32+1 because of high BP. The idea was to get my BP down and send me home - ha! I had an ultrasound on the Thursday morning to check on Josh. It showed that there was resistance in the blood flow from the placenta, so they gave me the first steroid injection at 1:30pm that afternoon "just in case". I had another ultrasound on the Friday morning which showed that there was increased resistance in the blood flow and so I had the second injection 24 hours after the first at 1:30pm on Friday. On the Friday night my OB rang to tell me that he would be delivering Josh the next day. He must have been pretty antsy because he actually timed the c/s to the exact minute that the second lot of steroids would have taken effect. At 1:30pm on the Saturday, 3 days after I was admitted, I was lying in theatre, ready to have a baby!

    The reason that my OB took it all so seriously is because resistance in the blood flow, combined with my severe PE is what caused Georgia to die. There was no way he was going to let that happen again. My pregnancy with Josh was basically headed exactly the same way as my pregnancy with Georgia and he wasn't going to take any chances. (He's not the OB I had for Georgia - I wouldn't see that guy again in a pink fit). Basically, Josh was better off coming out early than he was staying in.

    And yep, he was on CPAP, although not for too long. They put him on it straight after he was born and he stayed on it for about 6 hours. After that he was able to do all his breathing on his own. He was on the monitors until 35/36 weeks. I found them reassuring and hated them at the same time. I liked seeing that he was breathing and his heart was beating etc but I hated all the beeping and false alarms so in that respect I was glad when they came off. I have to admit though, that I spent a lot of time checking on his breathing once they did.

    As for did I worry when I brought him home...at first, yes! Perfect example: his first night home. During his time in hospital Josh was perfect - he ate, slept, hardly made a sound. The day we brought him home he continued that way. Until it was time for us to go to bed that night. He started doing this snuffling thing and his breathing started sounding really funny. (We've since discovered that this is normal for prems). We had never heard him do it before and got a bit freaked out. We were too scared to go to sleep in case he stopped breathing! We lay awake listening to him snuffle and snort until about 3am. At that time, we remembered that we had one of those Angelcare sound and movement monitors that we hadn't had time to set up yet. We realised that if the monitor was on, it would set off an alarm if he stopped breathing. So, at 3am there we were, assembling a baby monitor in the dark so we could feel safe to go to sleep! As time has gone on though and he has grown bigger and stronger, I have relaxed a lot. I still check on him constantly when he is sleeping, but I'm getting better!

    So, Tiff, how are your little miracles going today? How are they going with the alternate feeds?

    Gwen, you're right, the end result is sooo worth it! And it's exciting that you are TTC again! It is still pretty daunting too though, I know. My doctor has told me that because it has happened to me twice now (the preeclampsia), there is a pretty strong chance that it will happen again. My dream would be to have a full term pregnancy next time, but I don't like my chances. I guess I can live in hope though - stranger things have happened!

    Louise, Hi! It's great to have you posting in here in too. What date was Maria born? Looking at her ticker, it looks like she and Josh might have been born on the same day! Were you happy overall with the Royal Womens? I had Josh at RPA. I love the midwives on the antenatal ward there, I wasn't as impressed with the postnatal ward though. The staff in the NICU are fantastic, although Josh was transferred out of RPA to a hospital closer to home a week after he was born.

  15. #33
    kirsty Guest

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    Thanx Becc I love that bit under my sig too but of course it presents itself with a whole new range of dilemma's now.

    Raises the whole "what if it's another premmie" question again. And of course the whole "will we make it to the end of the journey in the first place".

    But I am trying to take it one day at a time as much as I can & have got my first scan tomorrow afternoon so I can't wait.

  16. #34

    Join Date
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    canberra
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    Hi Maria was born on the 27th August 2005, she is going well and has just reached 5kg at just over 4 months old, she was 2.050kg born.

  17. #35
    kirsty Guest

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    Louise it sounds like your little girl is going great guns.

    My premmie is now 3.5yrs old & weighs in at 16.5kgs ~ he was born weighing 1738gms.

  18. #36
    tiggy Guest

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    Hi Becc and Welshgirl,

    Today was not a good day for me. Ivy and Noah put on more weight, which is good, Ivy 60g and Noah 30g but I am struggling to understand the midwives. They swap and change the regime on me all the time. They changed them to 4th hourly feeds to encourage them to wake and feed properly, in the hope that their suck feeds would be just that, with no top ups. So now, they start demanding every three and a half hours, which I thought that is what the whole aim of the game was but tonight the midwife who was looking after them, complained that they NEVER make it to the four hours, especially after I BF them! When I got there for the 6pm feed, they were both awakse and demanading. Nobody came to help me, NO ONE! At home, I would have Dave or a bouncer, at least that I could put the second hungry baby in but not in the nursery, all I have is the nurses. So I nursed Noah, while I fed Ivy and had no quality time with her. I had to plonk her into her crib straight away because Noah was demanding and screaming, so of course she threw up half her dinner because she didn't get a chance to be burped properly. Noah did his usual and fed for a while, he doesn't attach properly sometimes and we have to work really hard at it. Again, nobody comes near me. I think because I am a midwife they think I know or don't need help or something but I am left to sort out the BF issues on my own. After he fed well for 25 minutes he pulled off but was still fidgety. That is when the midwife told me I should top him up because of the inconvenience of him demanding before his four hours are up. I'm tired, I have not eaten, gone to the toilet or had a drink of water. I say, ok if you think that is what he needs... but she makes no move to get me the bottle, no move to help me, instead she sits down at the desk and says, so you'll get that, won't you? Grrrr! So I think to myself, no I want to BF this baby and he is learning to expect a top up after ever BF and I am not going to do that this time, I am going to make him feed from the breast. He is 36 weeks, he is a good size, he is still looking around and is not tired. I reattach him and he sucks for another 20 minutes. When he is done he is asleep, relaxed and looks as though he is full. When I put him in his crib he possets a small amount of breast milk, so I know he is ok. The midwife asks me if I gave him the top up and when I say no, that I reattached him and he fed well she has a major crap attack! Then I get upset and say, fine I will stay until the next tube feed and if they demand before I will tend to their feed. But that is unacceptable too because the next tube feed is right when hand over is on and you are not allowed in the NICU when hand over is on.

    Tonight I am feeling down and fed up with the whole thing. No wonder women have a greater incidence of PND when they have a premmie baby. I think I will just call the doctor now and ask him to medicate me BEFORE it all gets out of hand.

    So sorry for the vent, had to get it off my chest, will post more when I am not feeling so angry with the world, have to go and express now anyway...*SIGH*

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