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Thread: Bonding

  1. #37

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    Tiff
    Well done hun, I had the same done to me when Bella was in SCN. I was feeding her and when I came in for her next feed they had either tube or bottle fed her...I got so angry!!!! I was only across the road and it would've take me two mins to get there, but they went right against my wishes.
    Go to the Case Manager/NICU Manager and tell them your concerns. They are making you feel bad and at this time you do not need this stress on top of what you are going through.
    Well done to Ivy and Noah for putting on the weight!



    We are here for you hun...
    If you need us you know where we are, stop apologising for venting!

  2. #38

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    Tiff sending you a big

    It must be so hard for you i hope one of them comes to help you with the rest if there stay in hospital.

    Hope they won't be in to much longer.

    I never had any problems when Kimberley and Alexander where in special care.

  3. #39

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    Oh, Tiff, they're tiny little babies, how can they expect them to wait for 4 hours between feeds *and* get cranky when they don't? That's just wrong. You are right - they are doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing. I think they're doing a fantastic job going 3 and half hours. When they are so little they need to get every bit they can and eat whenever they want! Even now, Josh generally only goes 3 hours between feeds and he's over 4 months old!

    And making you give Noah a top up just because it's more convenient for them, that's just wrong too. It's their job to feed him at the times you can't be there! It's not Noah's job to fit around them. Do all the midwives have the same attitude? I hope it's not like that every time you go to the hospital.

    Is there someone there that you can talk to about getting the help that you need? An understanding midwife/team leader/unit manager etc? I know it's not easy when you don't want to rock the boat and feel like you are putting people out, but you shouldn't be sitting there struggling on your own and getting stressed. Could Dave maybe have a quiet word with someone there?

    And Tiff, as bellasmum said, don't apologise for venting. Vent whenever you need to. You're going through a very stressful time at the moment and if getting it all out here helps even in the slightest, then it is worth it. I hope today is a better day and you are getting the support that you need. And BTW, way to go Ivy and Noah for putting on more weight. =D>

    Kirsty, I can't wait to hear how your scan goes this afternoon. It's so exciting that you will get your first glimpse of your little bub! And I think you are doing the right thing, taking it all one day at a time. When I was pregnant I set little milestones for myself along the way, for example, each ultrasound or doctor's appointment and just concentrated on getting to each of those.

    Louise, our bubs were born on the same day! It does sound like Maria is doing really well. You must be proud. O

    Gwen, how are you going today?

    Michelle, if you pop back in, hi! Thanks for your PM, I will email you!

  4. #40
    kirsty Guest

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    Tiff sweetheart big hugs to you.

    I would certainly be seeking out someone to speak to about the constant change in Ivy & Noah's schedules. You need to know what is going on & when it is going to happen so that you can be prepared.

    And as for no-one coming near you to give you any help that sux even more. One baby in NICU is hard enough without having 2 hungry & demanding babies wanting your attention.

    Seriously hope you get a bit more help from the nurses when you are there or I'd be complaining.

  5. #41

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    sometimes stretching the babies till 4 hours seemed only to suit the nurses not the babies. As soon as Maria got home she wanted 2.5-3hourly feeds not the 4 hour crap, I fed her when she needed to be fed, and got in return a lovely happy baby.

  6. #42

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    Tiff
    Sounds like time to bring out the big guns
    How dare that midwife speak to like that!!
    Is there someone that can speak up for you i.e the kids paed,or a midwife you get along with. Sounds like she is trying to bully you, but if she had someone stand up to her - maybe she will relax and crawl back to her corner.

    Another suggestion is to see about hiring or finding out about a lactation consulatant to come down to special care. Especially someone with twin experience and even premmie experience. She might be able to work with the nurses to set up a amicable rountine that could continue when you leave and help you become more comfortable with feeding Ivy and Noah

    God dam it ****es me when they throw their weight around. You feel helpless and crappy enough as it is and then they try this power trip thing.

    Don't take it personally - she is just a *****!!!!
    take care hon
    and hang in there - they will be home sooo soon now.

    My two came home at 36 weeks at 1.7 and 2.1kg so once the feeding is there - you surely to god must be otta there!!!
    It was only that one of the midwives had twins herself that i got it happening enough to get home

    take care
    odette
    mum to ariel and immogen -5/12/2002

  7. #43

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    Tiff - I am horrified at the hard time you're having! Well done you at continuing to BF, that is so fantastic. I have to say though, it sounds as if your babies aren't long from coming home with you which is something. Have they given you any idea of when they'll be coming home?

    I would definately voice your concerns at NICU... You vent here any time you need to. I can't believe the pressure they are putting on you, the time you need more support than at any other time.

    Well done to Ivy and Noah for gaining weight! I can't believe they are still topping up the feeds for them! Babies demand feed, rarely will they wait the full 4 hours! Hang in there Tiff, you are doing a fantastic job.

    Becc - I'm fine. Tired, but ok... :shock:

    How are you??

  8. #44
    tiggy Guest

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    Hi girls!
    THANK YOU SO much for your support. I had a long hard think about things that night and decided I would just bottle Noah with EBM until I get them home, I just want to go home now. When we get home I will put him back on the breast and we will fiddle around all we like!
    Until then, I will just play their game.

    I will get back on later but just wanted to pop on and say thankyou

  9. #45

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    Tiff

    I am so sorry that the midwives are not supporting you and your choices, but I know that I ended up doing the same as you, doing whatever they wanted so that I could get my baby home sooner. Its great that Noah and Ivy are putting on weight and thriving! You are such an inspiration to me!
    We are here for you anytime you need to vent, we all know how frustrating it is to try to be a supermum and to have nurses that dont support you is soo wrong!

    Hayley is doing okay now, well, I think so, guess I will find out next week when I go back to the MCHN, but she seems to be okay. Still have another hearing test to do soon, hopefully she will pass this one.

    As for me I am not coping too well with being a mum, I think being separated from her when she was born has really done some damage to our bonding, I am not as connected with her as I would like, but I am trying.

  10. #46

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    Well, its starting to look like another premmie is on the way!

    Went to the OB today and she told me that the team is referring me to melb (RWH). My appt is on the 31st Jan. at 9.10am( god knows what time I'm going to have to leave home!)
    They want me to have a scan done but there are no appts. available.

  11. #47

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    Looks like another premmie will be in here soon, Ob wants to see me in Melb on the 31st Jan. If the dopplers show that the blood flow in the brain has decreased then bub will have a transfusion before birth and then they are anticipating birth at 27+weeks

  12. #48

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    Jess

    I have everything crossed for you, hopefully they are just being overly cautious. What an awful time for an appt especially when you have so far to travel too and the fact that school starts that day and the roads will be worse than ever! Please let us know how you go.

    will be thinking of you!

  13. #49

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    I'm actually trying to change that date now as I don't want to miss Tim's first ay of school.

  14. #50

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    Jess - Hope everything turns out ok...it is very frightening the prospect of having such a prem baby, but everything will be fine. We are always here whenever you need us! Keep us updated. \/

    Dinky - I am so glad that it's not just me that finds bonding so hard. Seren is 8 months old now. How long was your babe in NICU for? Seren was 6 weeks in hospital.


    Tiff - How are things?

    Love Gwen xx

  15. #51

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    Tiff, good to hear that you've got a plan. Obviously it would be better if you were getting the support you needed from the staff at the hospital, but you do what you are comfortable with and what you need to do to get those bubs home. How are they going with their feeds? Any word on how close they actually are to coming home? I'm going away today for one night, so I will check in tomorrow when I get home for the latest news. Thinking of you all and hope all is well.

    Gwen, I am good thanks. The same as you actually - tired, but fine, lol!

    Jess, what a scary time for you. It is good to hear that the doctors are keeping a really close eye on you though. It sounds like your bub will be in good hands. It is amazing the things that can do for our bubs these days! Please let us know how you go.

    Dinky, Hi! I'm sorry to hear that you have been having a rough time. It's so hard when you miss out on those precious first moments with your bub, isn't it? It must have been especially hard for you with Hayley being sent to a different hospital. Let us know how she goes next week.

  16. #52

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    Gwen

    I feel so much better knowing that I am not the only one having trouble with bonding! Hayley was taken from me as soon as she was born, I saw her for about 2 minutes 7 hours after birth and then she was transferred to NICU at a hospital in the city! The only thing I got was a polaroid photo when she was 4 hours old, that was on Thursday and I didnt see her again until Saturday night at 9pm, which is when I officially had my first 3 minute cuddle. Hayley was kept in special care for the next 2 1/2 weeks, until I was finally allowed to bring her home.

    I have to say that I still have a lot of issues with the bonding and also the way that they staff treated me while she was in special care. Hayley wasnt allowed out of the nursery and only 2 visitors at a time, which made it really hard for her older sisters, but they at least got a cuddle before me when they went to visit in NICU.

    Jess - I hope that they can give you a decent date and time, the first day of school is so special, although the kids just dont seem to care, I always get teary.

    Becc - How are you doing?

    Tiff - I hope that you are doing okay and managing to rest a little, although I know how hard it is to do that. Huge hugs to you and I hope that Noah and Ivy will be allowed home with you soon. How is your Dad doing?

  17. #53

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    Hey Dinky, I am doing well thanks. O It's been ages since we've "chatted". How is everything going with you? How are all your girls doing?

    Tiff, any news? How are those gorgeous little bubs of yours? How are you?

  18. #54

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    hpw is everything going with your little premmies, I had a wonderful afternoon with Maria, she now laughs when I go peekaboo at her. It is nice to see that even though she was 6 weeks early and is so little still, that she is as developed mentally as much as her age peers.

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