Just a lil vent...

[~Ash~]

I am glad that you posted some useful information for them - maybe someone will click on it and actually learn something about the severity of having a baby so prem.

Sending love to this family xx

[kimmi]

Devil's advocate here, but could it be that they don't know just how prem that is? Not everyone knows that the average pregnancy is 40w, so maybe they thought the bub was close to term anyway? Same with the weight, some people might not twig just how tiny that is...

But if they do know, poo to them! I know how much my mum struggled having a 34-weeker, never mind smaller...


Sent from my iPhone so forgive the speelung misstacks

I tend to agree. I sincerely hope that no-one would genuinely pass off such a worrying experience so light heartedly if they actually knew that these circumstances were not in fact good.

Alternatively, other people may not know what to say. They may want to try to recreate as much sincere joy for the parents if the process is going to happen anyway. KWIM?

People often through trying to make others feel better, or trying to take the 'darkness' out of a situation can make the other person feel worse, without that ever being their intention.

I'm sorry my words are probably not 'exactly' what I wanted to say, but my thoughts are with that family and I'm really hoping that it has the best possible outcome.

In my thoughts

[RainbowBrite]

I agree that people may not understand the risks of having a prem and all that it involves but for me these comments where made under a photo of my son.
He was tiny with tubes and wires, long lines, umbilical lines and eyes still fused shut with fragile skin...he was beautiful to me but he wasn't 'cute'...he had no fat at all on him and he was skin and bones.
While I appreciated the congratulations I do think some people need to think a little before they post.
There is nothing fun about having your baby at 25 or 28 weeks....it is extremely hard on all those involved.

[Early Kids]

I agree with both sides here. I think it's still hugely important to acknowledge the birth with a congratulations and be excited. I feel that "woohoo congratulations, hope it all goes well" is far better than saying, "I'm so sorry hope bub makes it" but then I was always very positive even when told that DS1 probably wouldn't make it through the night.

Yeah it is a hard journey, but unless they've been in our shoes then they don't understand why would we expect them to?

And don't worry I got a whole lot of nasty comments too, I'm "lucky" I didn't get stretchmarks (really? have you seen my thighs, tummy and boobs?) I'm "lucky" my babies were so small because it was easier to push them out *rolls eyes* and the one that hurts the most... I'm apparently "too lazy" to push out a normal sized baby *groan*.

[Charlotte91]

And don't worry I got a whole lot of nasty comments too, I'm "lucky" I didn't get stretchmarks (really? have you seen my thighs, tummy and boobs?) I'm "lucky" my babies were so small because it was easier to push them out *rolls eyes* and the one that hurts the most...

I get this all the time!!!!!! I really really hurts my feelings. My body is one big stretch mark. Boobs, bum, one on my back, belly, thighs, and all the way to my ankles.
And I wanted to push her out.... I had no choice but to have the c/s. People just don't think sometimes.

[blessedatlast]

Thanks for all the replies.. I was good to get views from both sides.. I guess it was just being on the receiving end of comments like that, really upset me because as I said, prematurity is so scary..

I guess a lot of people wouldn't know just how bad it can be (maybe?) and I agree that it is still important to be congratulated on the birth.. I had more sympathy cards than congratulations.. I am not sure how they are doing, the friend who put the status up is in a different state to her cousin and his wife, and she is also dealing with her ill dad.

ETA: Just stalked FB and there is a pic of bub on there.. She is tiny and on CPAP.

[Early Kids]

blessed x The comments do hurt and you have every right to vent them too (I do!) Sounds like bub is doing well to be on CPAP already, fingers crossed bub has a smooth journey.

[Melssy86]

Most of my friends had no idea what to say. We are the first to have babies that they know. Some haven't even acknowledged his birth. And others were too happy that i balled when they congratulated me. Others kept asking why he wasn't with me when they visited on the rare occasion i was at home. People just don't realize what premi mums and dads go through.

[Miss.B]

i don't think you're over-reacting at all, sadly i think people are extremely naive about babies born early. i think because of the advances we've had in technology and knowledge, they must assume that if babies are born, they will survive. but the reality is, premature babies are extremely fragile, and all the technology and knowledge in the world still isn't a guaruntee they will survive your poor friend, i really hope her bubba pulls through, she will probably have a long and tough road ahead of her xxx

Blessed, you're not over reacting hun, coming from a very dark place only you know what that feels like. I totally agree with mummydreamer, lots of people think that once bub is born all will be OK. I don't think there are many people out there saying, well it's 26 weeks, whoa that's touch and go, and hmm, bub was born at 29 weeks so that's much better etc. They have no idea of what is on the other side of having a premmie bub. As you know I had Josh at 21 weeks and I knew he had no chance whatsoever, but then I spoke to the OB and he said had he been born a few weeks later is still wouldn't have guaranteed a good outcome. GL to your friend hun, I hope bub keeps getting stronger and stronger.

[Melssy86]

Had two comments similar last night when telling friend what i experienced. Nearly yelled at her. How can we be lucky to not cuddle or babys like they do or take them home when we leave. Its not a guarantee that if they survive will be perfectly normal some people just have no idea.