Oh darl, I've only just read this, after responding to your PM I'm glad you were able to have a cry, and let it all out, it's really important to do that. I will come back later when I can and chat to you some more..........xoxo
If only there was a way cyber hugs could be felt, I would give you a huge long hug. You are doing such a fantastic job looking after you DS and dealing with the journey of a baby in NICU. A big cry is a good thing. Better out than in. It is so so good that DD is breathing so well, heart and head scans good and getting lots of your fantastic milk.
I had a similar problem with uneven producing boobs. My left is considerable smaller than the right and only ever produced half of the right one. No matter how much i tried with extra pumping it did not change. It is not as noticeable anymore and the leftie produces lots of milk.
It is heart breaking to leave the hospital but the nurses really care for their little charges. I hated that feeling of having no control, not being able to take my DD home so I tried to focus on the relationship I could build. Lots of kangaroo cuddles, when off the CPAP I would hold her all the time and every time I was there during the tube feed as I wanted her to know that I meant food. That said I cried a lot to let it out.
Thanks for keeping us updated and hugs sent to you.
Sounds like I need to give my right boob a rest and just accept its going to be the dud performer! LOL, thats ok. Like I need to stress about that right now.
DD received a blood transfusion today which is normal and was expected. She was lovely and settled when I went to see her this afternoon. They are holding her feeds for the next 24 hours as her tummy has reacted again which is something they're watching.
I am craving more cuddles with her - the last few days when I've been in its been very busy for them so its been a bit hard. This is one of the main reasons I need to spend longer blocks of time with her. I'm also struggling going in alone. DP & I kind of visit in shifts ATM so one of us can be with DS, but I need his strength some days when I'm by her cotside.
Can a strong trusted friend or family member go with you? Or meet you for lunch there? Even before we started having visitors I would try and have someone come and see me when I would have lunch or a coffee for a sanity break. Strong and trusted sounds a bit naff I know but a friend like that visited from interstate and came with me for a few days when I was really low and boy did her strength lift me up.
hope you get more cuddles soon and she gets back to her milk.
I used to be quite distressed about my different boobs, but your rightie is not a dud performer. It is doing its best too. I used to ask new nurses on if they know what I could do, asked an LC, midwife, etc. Finally I accepted it and thought if the visible difference remains this bad I can get a "booster" for the leftie. It settled down after a few months but I still would not wear a bikini top in summer if you know what I mean LOL!
The NICU journey is tough. Real tough. And you are doing it with a toddler - you are absolutely admirable.
Everyone hits the wall at least once. It's part of the journey. I hope the hospital has a social worker/psychologist you can talk to. I found them invaluable to just spit out EVERYTHING that was going on in my head and just to let go.
With the boobies - mine were different too. Somehow my left is the dud one. Chocolate comes from the right.... I named mine chocolate and caramel - chocolate flows beautifully but caramel was a bit gluggish...
You are doing a marvellous job with Heidi. She chose you for her Mummy for a very good reason. You can do ANYTHING.
Oh hun, you and Heidi are doing so well!!! Glad to hear about the weight gain and all of those cuddles. You might feel like you aren't able to take care of her all of the time, but you should be very proud of yourself, it's that wonderful milk and all those cuddles that are helping Heidi grow so well.
I'm glad you were able to have a cry, and let it all out, it's really important to do that. I will come back later when I can and chat to you some more..........xoxo
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