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Well said Sally. There are so many positives I have found already. And so many memories I will cherish and forever grateful not only for the care my child receives but from watching the staff with the others in care with them. I am in awe at how wonderful the staff are.
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Ok, I will get the negatives out of the way first and then give the positives..
The first time I held DD after she was delivered (14 hours later) and all her monitors went crazy and she was taken away I had no idea what was happenening and no one told me...
When she was under lights and had been for 4 hours, to go in for her cares and her temp had dropped dramamtically, and the nurse realised that she HADN'T turned the heat on in the isolette, so my poor gorgeous little girl had been screaming her head off for hours on end because she was COLD!!!! I just wanted to take her and run away.... She also told me that I wasn't going to be able to hold her for a couple of days, I couldn't even comfort my very distressed little girl.
The same nurse decided for one of her feeds that she was going to do everything 30min earlier so that she could leave early, I arrived with the first full feed of EBM I had managed to express only to find that she had done the cares and was just finishing feeding her F
Being told by her Paed (the head of NICU) whom I ran into in the elevator, who knew every little detail about her, that he was organising a transfer for us to our private hospital as he had a mate that was out there whom he trusted and would take her on at 34 weeks (even though the hospital doesn't take them until 36 weeks). Only to be called by the nurse (above) the next morning that the hospital had refused, before she had even spoken to DD's Paed or looked on DD's notes where it clearly said that the new Paed would take her on, and he would sort it out with the hospital. Of course I had gotten my hopes up of the transfer and I was shattered knowing that I was due to go home the next day without my baby girl and we would be back and forth for the next 5-6 weeks.
Being told by a nurse that I couldn't have a label on DD's cot about her being in her own clothes and that the clothes would just get thrown in the wash with everything else, so not to bother - it was the only other thing I could do for her as I didn't even have enough milk to sustain her.
The positives
The nurse that said we could try and BF and sat there with us helping us and being so positive and supportive.
DD's Paed he was brilliant I couldn't have asked for a better person to care for her, he even recognised me in the corridor after only seeing me in the delivery room and one of my visits into the nursery.
The nurse that held off on DD's 2am feed as she knew I was coming down with milk for her it was only 5 minutes late but she knew how important it was for me to give her a full feed of EBM
The same nurse also gave us a short hold of DD when she was under lights as she knew her sats would stabilise better with some kangaroo care even if it was only to 15 minutes - and it did.
The MW who did the transfer, she cleaned out everything under the trolley that was DD's, we came out with scissors, tape, a new packet of nappies, and all of her tubes, sunnies and lines.
If Flicker arrives in the next 5 weeks we will be back at the same hospital and I am seriously considering Flicker as a private patient in the public hospital so we can chose the Paed and get the same one we had for DD
Registered User
DS was in SCBU and never went into NICU.
one of the things that stands out the most was one of the midwives telling me on the ward how important skin to skin contact was. so when i went down for the next feed and i mentioned it, the nurse in the SCBU turned around and said that just by bfind he was getting skin contact. so the whole entire time he was in the nursery i never had that contact. i feel so sad that i never experienced that.
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Does anyone else have the weird thing when seeing pictures of other babies going through similar? I can see earlier prems and be ok - but seeing a friend's baby's first pictures - also delivered at 36 weeks - with the same sequence - humidicrib, NG tube, regular plastic bucket bassinette... I howled for what felt like ages. I guess because I have emotion attached to that - while seeing earlier prems and all their tubes and wires is upsetting, and seeing babies after surgery is upsetting, it's not something that I've lived. Does anyone else have that?
I also realised I forgot some of the good memories before...
Spending ages in the nursery at night just chatting to one of the nurses in there. I got to know her really well and was sad when her holidays started and she left to go on a missions trip to Mexico.
The same nurse popping into my room on Christmas Eve to find me and DH snoozing - she woke us to a hearty "merry christmas" and a gift of flowers.
Seeing glitter on my son as she was using the night shifts in SCN to make Christmas cards...
Waking on Christmas morning and finding that "Santa" had not only visited me, but had visited Sam as well. It was only simple - a little gift bag each with a baby singlet (with Christmas print), a glittery hand made card (that my friendly nurse had been making) and some hand creams and lotions for me and similar baby stuff for Sam.
BW
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I still cannot see pictures of babies in humidicribs without howling. We had piccies at our antenatal classes of a premmie baby and I had to leave the room I got so distressed. BUT in saying that I have piccies up of Niki around our house and she never made it out of a humidicrib .... go figure!!
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I can look at Sam's pictures without being upset too. Different situation, I know. The only ones I can't look at are the ones with some particular friends of ours visiting. I remember that while they were there Sam got a new NG tube and my friend hugged me while I cried through the experience... Seeing the pictures with them makes me remember.
And I guess that brings up another positive (with some hints of negative) experience. As it was Christmas and quiet, we were allowed to take other friends into SCN - particularly as the nurses knew that we had no family who lived particularly close. Unfortunately, my SIL used this to her advantage and muscled her way into SCN the day after he was born (with a complete stranger - not impressed!) and demanded to hold Sam... when DH still hadn't... Grrrr. It was good when we could get some friends in, but bad as they also wouldn't necessarily keep others out!
BW
It's such a mish mash of memories isn't it?
I can't speak highly enough of the care that Imogen received at the RBWH (Brisbane) - of course there are always a very few that I didn't feel as kin to but overall they were an amazing bunch of dedicated, caring professionals.
I was in critical care before and after Immy was born. Immy was so tiny that I didn't even get to see her - she was worked on immediately. I remember the words that seemed like they came straight from the mouth of an angel: "Deb she's breathing, she's making small noises can you hear?" "mate she's too small to let you meet her we need to work"... That was heavenly. I truly thought she would die like her 2 sisters and brother before her. I felt like I could fly just knowing she was alive. Deep in my heart I knew then that she would come home.
Later that night the NICU sent a photo up of her. I remember looking at that photo and thinking "there is no way she will live she's too small". It upset me so much & I sobbed and sobbed.
I wasn't allowed to go to NICU for a week as I had influenza A on top of everything else. When I finally went down I was too scared to touch her. I was too scared to give her anything. I was so protective. I didn't want anyone but staff touching her. I was just so afraid.
The smell of NICU is like no other place. The fear as my wheelchair was pushed through the door at her condition each and every time. When an alarm was going the absolute terror that it would be Imogen - then the absolute pain that it was someone elses baby. It was so very very rollercoasterish.
So many veryyoung mothers & I remember just holding and hugging one as she cried for her baby, herself. I can remember celebrating with other Mothers the 1ml of milk they produced!
There were happy times but expectation was high. Finding Immy each time was still in room 1 (highest care) & other babies were promoted but my darling was finding it so tough.
The day she went into an open cot. OMG I cried so much - so much I was so happy, crying so much I had to leave the room.
Her first bath - man oh man to touch my baby all over her body!
Her first cuddle - I sobbed so much she was wet with my tears.
Her transfer from Brisbane to Nambour - I was so nervous that they wouldn't drive carefully enough (it was an ambulance of course!)
The ambos were so amazingly beautiful to me & the staff formed a guard of honor as she arrived - not a dry eye... (she came "home" to the hospital that I was first transferred from and where I had been cared for after so many losses).
Coming home and showing her the sun. I drove so slowly home from the hospital and carried her upstairs and just sat on the couch and cried. Finally...
Registered User
Having you child in the NICU/SCN definitely brings out huge range of emotions ~ good and bad.
Not being able to hold my two tiny prems after birth I found extremely traumatic...especially as they where both emergency c-sections and I couldn't see them in the NICU straight away.
Leaving the hospital 3 days after they were born was one of the hardest things I have had to do. (As you would all know)
It was the best feeling to hold my DD on day 3 and she was not on breathing support.
I remember the horrid feeling when we received the phone call to say our son had NEC and his bowel had perforated and come straight in. Seeing the grim faces of the doctors...telling us he may not survive...asking my DH if he wanted him baptised (he is catholic I am not). The bag in cut into his side...the pain on my little mans face despite the high dose of morphine.
Then the wonderful day when the doctors had a little smile on their faces and said they thought he was over the worst of it.
Waiting 3 long weeks to get to hold my son was so hard...watching all the other parents come in a have cuddles and all I could do is touch him through a little door in a plastic box. It was magical to finally hold him...though a little hard as he was still in some pain...I cried through the whole short hold.
After 3 weeks seeing him finally get his first 'taste' of my BM through the tube (intravenous TPN before that).
His eyes where fused shut when born and when he first opened his eyes to look at me on day 5 or 6 it was just magical.
The precious memory of their first BF ~ both at 32 weeks gestation (5 weeks actual for DD and 7 weeks actual for DS) such a special moment.
Being able to give them their firsts baths, when they went into an open cot and the awesome day when they where wireless and tube free and you knew you where close to home.
The small of the gel wtill takes me straight back to the NICU, watching prem things on TV leaves me upset and emotion.
The bestest day was the day was when we could pick up our precious babies and walk out of that hospital and not look back. (9 weeks for dd and 15 weeks for ds)
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