It's such a mish mash of memories isn't it?
I can't speak highly enough of the care that Imogen received at the RBWH (Brisbane) - of course there are always a very few that I didn't feel as kin to but overall they were an amazing bunch of dedicated, caring professionals.

I was in critical care before and after Immy was born. Immy was so tiny that I didn't even get to see her - she was worked on immediately. I remember the words that seemed like they came straight from the mouth of an angel: "Deb she's breathing, she's making small noises can you hear?" "mate she's too small to let you meet her we need to work"... That was heavenly. I truly thought she would die like her 2 sisters and brother before her. I felt like I could fly just knowing she was alive. Deep in my heart I knew then that she would come home.

Later that night the NICU sent a photo up of her. I remember looking at that photo and thinking "there is no way she will live she's too small". It upset me so much & I sobbed and sobbed.

I wasn't allowed to go to NICU for a week as I had influenza A on top of everything else. When I finally went down I was too scared to touch her. I was too scared to give her anything. I was so protective. I didn't want anyone but staff touching her. I was just so afraid.

The smell of NICU is like no other place. The fear as my wheelchair was pushed through the door at her condition each and every time. When an alarm was going the absolute terror that it would be Imogen - then the absolute pain that it was someone elses baby. It was so very very rollercoasterish.

So many veryyoung mothers & I remember just holding and hugging one as she cried for her baby, herself. I can remember celebrating with other Mothers the 1ml of milk they produced!

There were happy times but expectation was high. Finding Immy each time was still in room 1 (highest care) & other babies were promoted but my darling was finding it so tough.

The day she went into an open cot. OMG I cried so much - so much I was so happy, crying so much I had to leave the room.

Her first bath - man oh man to touch my baby all over her body!

Her first cuddle - I sobbed so much she was wet with my tears.

Her transfer from Brisbane to Nambour - I was so nervous that they wouldn't drive carefully enough (it was an ambulance of course!)

The ambos were so amazingly beautiful to me & the staff formed a guard of honor as she arrived - not a dry eye... (she came "home" to the hospital that I was first transferred from and where I had been cared for after so many losses).

Coming home and showing her the sun. I drove so slowly home from the hospital and carried her upstairs and just sat on the couch and cried. Finally...