forshelby, that's a beautiful post you wrote for Michelle - and I, too, am taking some heart in/from it - I lost my husband, aged 36, eight years ago. At the time my children were 2 and 4. Isn't it strange that all these 3 men were all 36 when they died - Michelle you were right what you said to me the other night about this age. It does help to know that you (forshelby) are a compassoniate and loving person, and that you are inspired by your Dad and his memory and his legacy, thats so beautiful, thank you for sharing.
Michelle, sweetheart, there's going to be so many rough days like these, just get through them as best you can, and as unscathed as at all humanly possible. Tomorrow is most definately a new day, you just can't tell in advance how you are going to be feeling, or when the next tidal wave of grief is going to knock you down again. So glad you're doing some healing things, allow yourself some time away from the grief, it's just too exhausting to sit in it all the time babe.
Lee - they just hurt so much I feel like curling up in a ball and sobbing for the next decade. But I can't. DS and DD are both awake (DS had a late nap and DD woke up with the phone after a power nap length of being asleep ) so here I am. Alone. On my own. With the little ones still awake, no time or space for crying and letting it all out, no time for meditation to get me through this day, no space for visualisations to help process the grief and no DH.
Worse - the intense grief feeling and holding back the tears makes the BH contractions worse and that adds a new level of fear into the mix. I just wish it was all different. Tonight I feel a "why me" moment needing an outlet and I am so mad at Greg again for leaving me like this. I would love to be able to use a punching bag but that makes the BH worse too and I am too scared to physically release these feelings for fear of hurting something. I just want to not feel this way but I know I am going to feel like this for a very long time, and that makes me incredibly sad.
i sit here, looking at my keyboard, not knowing what to write. nothing can make you feel better or take away your pain. I cant imagine. I saw your picture in the sydney paper weeks ago and when ever i think of you (which is quite often) that is the image i have in my head! Just hugs for you, i wish i could do more. you have some lovely ladies here with great words of support. xxxx
Hi Michelle. If things have quietened down and you have Thurs or Fri free this week, let me know. I would love to meet up with you and give you a hug in person, somehow that would seem more worthwhile than a cyber-hug. I know it isn't the hug you want, but I'd like to do what I can. I wish this wasn't part of your life right now.
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I feel like curling up in a ball and sobbing for the next decade. But I can't. DS and DD are both awake (DS had a late nap and DD woke up with the phone after a power nap length of being asleep
) so here I am. Alone. On my own. With the little ones still awake, no time or space for crying and letting it all out, no time for meditation to get me through this day, no space for visualisations to help process the grief and no DH.
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