Oh Mako hun, that's what we're here for! Getting through anniversaries is really hard, and our heart sometimes picks them for us, we can't just decide logically when to grieve and not. We know how difficult it is when you spend your day thinking about 'the' day, and all the what ifs it's horrible. I wish I could be there with you in person to give you a hug and take you out for a coffee and cake. Man, I wish I could have a word with whoever is telling you that you need to move on and get over it!!! They've clearly not been where you are, it is not that easy. Oh if it were! Don't let those words into your head hun, know that you can take as much time as you need, this is not something you can measure out and say 'right, I will be over this on day......' It just doesn't work like that. Look after you hun, and lean on us when you need to .

Michelle, that is soooo crap, and not what any of you need right now! Oh god, I hear you on the 'good' patient thing, that's what my ILs would be like, it drives me nuts. I really hope your dad is okay, sounds like he'll be in good hands . I hope too (even more so!) that the telling of the news is okay.........for you . I'm guessing that it's going to be tough for you. I'm not quite sure what to say, cos I can sort of understand the fear you must be feeling at bringing it up.......but also know that it is important for you to share this with your family. I hope it goes well hun, know that we're here if you need us afterwards Oh, and L told me that she PMd you......but is now worried because she has read your post and knows you have your own dramas. I've assured her that you won't be bothered, and that you will be happy to chat to her when things have settled for you .

You know, I'm pretty sure I just bake little babies. No one in either of our families has big ones, not one over 7.5lbs that anyone can remember! No one gets to 40 weeks either. But they all grow 'well rounded' babies, mine are the only ones that are somewhat stunted . I think I'm secretly really worried about the impact this will have on this bub outside of the uterus. But I can only prepare, and do what I think is best with the info that I have! So we'll wait and see. Hopefully all the measurements on the scan will look good, and we can relax! As for the 'contractions', I have had some more this morning, so I've decided to get the script filled today and start it tonight. Apparently it might make me feel a bit off for a couple of days, so I'd rather get started while DH is at home etc. Discussed it with DH this morning, and said I was unsure......I don't want to feel crappy, and TBH even filling the script feels like admitting that there's something wrong (which I know is COMPLETELY ridiculous!). But I DO NOT want to go into labour and wished that I'd paid more attention to my body. I said to DH that I wish Max had just told me what to do! But that I understand that I'm the best judge of what my body is doing etc, and I'm glad he trusts that.

I'm sorry to go soooo completely OTT venting about all of this, but I know I need to get it out or I'm going to burst into tears at some inappropriate time. My mum looked after DS yesterday while we had our appt, cos I knew we'd be hanging around for the GCT etc. I love my mum, she is soooooo good to us. But she is convinced that I'm going to go early this time (like, at a similar time to DS) and that I really need to take it easy. That I should have stopped work already etc etc. I know she is genuinely worried about it (particularly as she gets to help pick up the pieces), even thought I have reassured her that I'm not doing anything against Max's instructions. He is fine with the activities I have on for now. So......I told DH yesterday that I didn't want to tell my mum about the 'ctx' and that he'd given me a script. He agreed, and said that we would tell her if I had to start the meds. Now the thing is, I know that I need to tell her. I don't like keeping a secret from her, and it's not really fair considering that she is the one who mostly looks after DS, is helping me to get organised, and will be looking after DS while we're in hospital. So I'm going to tell her, but I don't want to, and I'm not looking forward to it (Michelle, you might empathise). She is going to freak out, and I don't want to deal with that. I need minimal freaking out around me right now LOL I'm doing enough of it.

Anyway, I'm also second guessing myself about what to do........it's ridiculous. I have Max looking after us, I've contacted my LC, I will speak to my Naturopath next week, so we are well covered with plans. But I've been wondering if I should go back to AP too, or is that just OTT? She told me I could go back at 34 weeks to have a couple of visits to get me to term, and bub in a good possy etc. I've been thinking that I might wait until 32 weeks, and see what's happening then. I'm all for alternative therapies, but is there such a thing as too much attention? I know I'm worrying about it way too much - but I don't want to have bub early and wish I'd worried more!

Sorry for the loooooong post.