Lately I've been finding it really hard to cope with Yasin and also wondering if his bahaviour is normal or if he is a little odd.
Yesterday was one of the worst days I have ever had. I geuss, looking back that because it was his birthday I expected it to be better so when the reality that it was going to be another difficult day with Yasin intruded it was a bit harder to cope with.
Yesterday I was acting like the kind of parent I never wanted to be - dragging a screaming toddler along without even pausing to try and hear him out.
It started out well enough - we got up at 5:24 (his brother is an early-bird) he opened some presents and played with them but then the day went normal.
I tried to re-arrange some furniture - he refused to move if I asked him to and kept jumping in front of the things as I was moving them I don't know if he's winding me up deliberately when he does this sort of thing but he does it often and it makes me crazy.
We went to kick-start (it's a football for toddlers thing).
Yasin chucked a tanty at having to get dressed and put his shoes on. Once that was achieved he did the bolt out into the court-yard and ran around refusing to go to the car.
He started screaming as soon as we stoped the car (in his defence he was dozing off - even though it was only 10:30). I tried talking to him for a while but since it was his 6th tanty for the day I ended up picking up his brother then holding him by the arm and marching him across the car-park. He smacked his head on a car-mirror and I told him to stop whinging (OMG I feel awful for doing that). Then he threw himself on the ground at the bottom of the stairs and refused to walk. Luckily a passing woman carried Imran up the stairs so I could carry Yasin. When we got to the class Yasin was the boy who wouldn't join in, which is normal - usually I'm ok with him being very energetic and individual but yesterday I just felt sick of being the mum with the feral kid - just once I want a turn at being the mum with the little angel. Towards the end of the class he decided he'd rather play on the stairs instead (my fault for wanting to sit down on them for a minute I geuss) so of course it ended with a tanty when he was asked to get off the stairs. Then he tantrumed all the way back down to the car. I was so cross by then and getting smug looks from the couple with a little angel didn't help (maybe I was imaginaing it and they were sympathetic). When we got back to the car he did the bolt while I was trying to put Imran in so I threw a tanty of my own. I just about threw him into his seat then sat in the car and sooked and swore and screamed for about 5 minutes.
Usually after I put the boys down for thier nap I can unwind a bit but yesterday I still felt wound-up after they went to sleep.

I'm just so tired of trying to deal with the tantrums and the endless no's. I know this is a normal part of toddlerhood but my children just seem so much more feral than other children and I'm beginning to feel that I must be doing something wrong.

Toilet Training - I know they say it happens when they are ready but I'm begining to despair of him ever being ready. He screams if I offer him big boy undies and demands his nappy. He used to sit on the loo but now he refuses to 80% of the time. It seems like every other child his age is on thier way or out of nappies already. If he's busy he resists his changes even when he has a massive poo in his nappy. I hate dealing with toddler poo (don't we all lol) but having to put up with a tanty to change a nappy makes me want to cry - it's not like I'm doing it for fun.

Development - I have no idea what's normal. The peadiatrician I saw about his speech said that in some areas he's ahead but his speech is a bit behind. At the moment I'm just not sure if his behavoiur is normal or not.

I really hate the kind of person I've become recently - I feel like dealing with Yasin has exposed all my weaknesses. I have no patience and once I'm angry I have no capacity to feel the kind of sympathy I should (TBH when Yasin banged his head yesterday a tiny bit of me thought 'serves you right' and I can't forgive myself for that).
At least once a day I end up screaming at him or bawling my eyes out and I'm sure that he shouldn't have to put up with such poor behaviour from a parent.

He's really a rather wonderful little person he's very kind and genorous (he gets cross when Imran won't accept a share of his juice lol) and doesn't hesitate to jump in and defend others if he thinks they need it. I feel like by not being able to cope with him at the moment I'm really letting him down

Thanks for reading if you've got this far.
I'm not even sure if it makes much sense lol.

ETA - I didn't mention the bolting. He's 3 now and he's been bolting since he was first allowed to walk. I'm a bit peeved with DH because he thought it was funny to start with and let him do it against my wishes. For over 18 months I've been trying to teach him to stay next to me but nothing works. Nearly every time we go out we have drams about it and there are tears because he has to get back in the pram/trolley or hold my hand. On the occasions that he stays close he seems to take my praise as an indication that he's done it long enough and takes off again. I'm so, so, so sick of running after him in shops and down the footpath. He's had it drilled into him that he can't go on the road and luckily he seems to get that but I live in terror that one day he won't.
He seems to find the chase hilariious. In fact he seems to find all form sof negative attention funny until it hits the point that I scream at him or start crying.
I try to give him positive attention but it seems to have no affect on his behaviour.