Argh! Help! What is wrong with her???

[MantaRay]

Hun, is it every night? I know that can be a bad time for DS1 too, being tired certainly brings out his worst behaviour. But I know that some foods can make him worse too. He's very susceptible to sugar, and I think some preservatives also cause us grief.

So a couple of suggestions: If this is only happening some nights, or is worse some nights, it might be worth keeping a food diary to see if there is a pattern between certain foods and this behaviour. And it also might be worth a try to see if you can do dinner earlier and then make bed time earlier. Does she still have a day sleep? Or a rest? If not, maybe try some quite time in the afternoon. Or maybe change your routine so the bath is at a different point - either before eating or after - and see if that helps.

Best of luck hun. It is not easy behaviour to deal with.

[Antheia]

Yeah its not every night, just some nights. About half hour after i posted, she went to bed without trouble! Typical.

I'll try keep a food diary and see what is happening there.

No she doesnt have a nap or a rest, i do try to give one but she just goes psycho if i try. I turn the telly off in the arvo but she doesnt quiet down at all. Doesn't help that DS also doesnt like having a nap so they round each other up.

She said she doesnt like her curtains anymore, even though she begged me for them lol. So we need to change them too cause 'she doesnt like sleeping with the mermaids anymore'

[Patooties]

Hi there,
It might be worth having a look at Sue Dengate's website - if you google 'fed up with food additives' you should be able to find it. My DD2 often presents me with challenging behaviours to deal with, and i can usually blame it on the food she has eaten. Even foods which we think are healthy and nutritious, like fruit and vegies, can affect behaviour. Her behaviour may not be related to this, but it's interesting reading anyway. Worth a try if it helps in any way . Good luck

[Kaydee]

It sounds to me like she is in desperate need of attention. Maybe she is feeling left out? Perhaps some one-on-one time with her during the day will help. Maybe spend an hour painting, drawing, cut and pasting or take her to the park.
Kids usually act up when they want attention - any kind of attention is better than none. When i was little I was such a terror, my mother told me i used to tell her i liked to make her mad. I remember acting up as a child and i clearly remember it was because I felt like I wasnt getting enough positive attention.
The reward system is great, but threatening to "take her to hospital" isn't such a great idea. I'm no psychologist but it's not a great thing to encourage a fear of hospitals/dentists/doctors etc...
Smacking only encourages violence and make sure you don't yell at her or call her a "naughty girl". Encourage positive behaviour.
I have always found self-education to be the best solution, so perhaps go and have a look at your local book store for some decent literature on child behaviour.

Very best of luck. I know how frustrating it can be, but take some time to try to understand her and why she is behaving the way she is.

[Trillian]

I honestly think it is more boredom than anything else (just to confuse you even more LOL). What sort of structure does she have to her day? Does she attend pre-school or daycare at all? If she does what is she like when she is there? does she show the same behaviours or is she happy? Some kids just need things to do and have trouble 'amusing' themselves, so they need to be given direction. When you're at home, do you do any structured play with them? Like craft or play dough etc. If you don't, you could try setting up a timetable, like from 9am to 10 it's playdough, then have a break for morning tea, and then something else till lunchtime, then after lunch it's quiet time (not necessarily sleep time, but just reading or another quiet activity) and then something else etc.


Another thing too, does she eat a lot of fruit? My nephew was bordering on uncontrollable a few months ago and all he ate was fruit for snacks because his Mum never gave him anything else because fruit is good right? Wrong in this instance. The IL"s look after him a fair bit and while he was with them they never gave him any fruit and his behaviour changed literally overnight. Fruit is naturally high in sugar - certainly not the same sugar as in processed foods, but it is still sugar and some kids do react like that to too much of it.

But most of all, it's really important that you 'choose your battles' with her. I have learnt with my own DD (who had different issues to your DD - mine is stubborn as a mule LOL) that I just have to choose what's more important to 'fight' over. Unless she is annoying the other people in the house, hurting them etc or hurting the cat, then just leave her - don't ignore her as such, but just don't get into a fight with her over it. What you could do is when she starts to do what she's doing, go and pull out some 'special' colouring in books and pencils etc - ones that are only kept for special kwim? She might see what you're doing and stop or you could tell her that you and Charlie are going to colour in and she can only join in if she stops what she's doing.

[Antheia]

It sounds to me like she is in desperate need of attention. Maybe she is feeling left out? Perhaps some one-on-one time with her during the day will help. Maybe spend an hour painting, drawing, cut and pasting or take her to the park.
Kids usually act up when they want attention - any kind of attention is better than none. When i was little I was such a terror, my mother told me i used to tell her i liked to make her mad. I remember acting up as a child and i clearly remember it was because I felt like I wasnt getting enough positive attention.
The reward system is great, but threatening to "take her to hospital" isn't such a great idea. I'm no psychologist but it's not a great thing to encourage a fear of hospitals/dentists/doctors etc...
Smacking only encourages violence and make sure you don't yell at her or call her a "naughty girl". Encourage positive behaviour.
I have always found self-education to be the best solution, so perhaps go and have a look at your local book store for some decent literature on child behaviour.

Very best of luck. I know how frustrating it can be, but take some time to try to understand her and why she is behaving the way she is.

Sorry, but i didn't come in here to be reviewed at how i parent. I don't appreciate at being told what not to do. Especially when told i am encouraging violance in my children. Thanks!

Trillian, yes she actually does eat a lot of fruit. She doesn't eat much else during the day. I even have to put banana on her sandwish. She has always been a fussy eater and if it's not fruit she just will not eat it. So i'm not sure what to do there, i would rather her be eating.

She doesn't go to preschool anymore(just got way too expensive) but most of the day is spent reading books(she loves this), playing with toys, drawing and a bit of fun outside. We had to stop painting and playdoh because DS would just eat it and i didn't think it was fair that DD could and he couldn't play with it. Maybe after christmas we could try it again. But like i said, she is craziest at night after dinner. DS is already in bed. It's like the sun goes dwona nd she turns into a beast lol.

Today they both have colds, so i reckon she won't be putting up much of a fight tonight. Poor thing just wants cuddles.

[Trillian]

T, with the preschool, ours does a subsidy thing where if you earn under a certain amount (the top limit is $44,999 I think) you are entitled to a subsidy on your fees. It's a sliding scale too, so the less you earn the less you have to pay. Not sure if you would be eligible for that, but it's worth looking into as she would really benefit from going.

But I hope both of them get well soon for you though

[Kaydee]

I'm really sorry if you took offense to my post, but please read it again. I was only suggesting things by using words like "maybe" and "make sure".

Personally I do have a very strong belief about not smacking children, but i was in no way trying to put you down.

I still hope things are going well with you and you found some things that are helping with your problem. I agree with the pre-school/daycare idea, that's something to power her out everyday. DS loves going to Kinder and is always too tired when he gets home to argue

[2 please]

Antheia, It is so normal what you are going through. Dont worry mate, she's just ready for Kinder. DD just loves so drag things out and make a mess, and I almost loose my mind too. My nextdoor neighbour has 4 kids, and I told her pritty much the same story as you. She said that once they get to kinder you will start to enjoy DD all over again.


Im glad you reached out and asked what was going on with her. It takes gut's to put yourself out there. I hope I have helped.

[Antheia]

Yesterday was ok. But today, omg they are both terrors! DS is just following on from DD and has noidea but DD is just being rude and horrible. She has started calling everyone a loser an keeps sticking her tounge out(i so hate this!) and making nar nar singsong noises. I know she doesnt know what it means as such but she does know its wrong. I have noticed most of it is when she doesnt get her own way and then it just esculates(sp?). Like today she wanted more of DS's birthday cake, i said no more, you have to wait until after dinner now. She cracked this ****s and starts being naughty. Asking for things she knows 1) we dont have and 2) she knows she isnt allowed to have. She is breaking things, throwing things, hitting, ripping up books. Only in the last couple of hours too.

DH just sent her to bed because she almost pulled down DH's computer onto the floor. She went into her room for 2secs. Has jsut come out now and is asked to go back, she says no no no, blows a raspberry and asks all smart. How can i disapline her when she wont stay in her room?

Sorry, i really am just venting in here. It's so frustrating!!