i think that frayed feeling is so common and your not alone in it at all, i think with both yours and dh's depression maybe you could get re evaluated by a dr?

tips... who cares about messy homes, ppl come to see you not ya mess!
i used to shower with ds when he would cry this calmed him down and bathed with him too and BF or bottle fed in the bath so he would settle. Are you able to call on a family member or friend just to do some dishes or house work for ya or maybe cook ya some tea so ya dont have to worry about it?

just remember this is a normal time of frayed feelings its such a new routine for you both and its so full on plz do your best to drink loads of water and eat well. you are doing a great job !!!