Heeeellllpppppp!!!!

[~StarBright~]

I have had a rough day today with my poor little man!!!! This is going to be long and circular

Bit of backround.. he has recently started going to day care one day a week, every time i drop him off he is upset- i call frequently and they tell me that he is upset for about 10 minutes but then he is fine.. he goes down for his naps nd all is ok- twice when i have gone to pick him up he has been visably upset- the carer said that he woke up from his nap a bit upset the first time, and this second time it was because some mums had come to get their kids so he was getting anxious and wanting me - now i have a few issues with this- and Im going to possibvly condratict myself here!!!

Number one issue- is that i have told them time and time gain if he is too upset to please call me and i will come and get him. I feel horrible arriving there and i can hear my son crying!!!!!!!!

NOw the condraction and leading me to my vent- he goes on mondays and monday evening and all of tuesday he is a right pain in the butt- he tantrums at anything and wants me to carry him around all day (which is what i have seen the carers do at care)

Now part of me is thinking my poor little man- he is just coping with this huge change and he just wants some reassurance and some extra attention, but then i also think, no wait... he knows that this behaviour is getting him attention at care. He knows if he does the whingy thing they pick him u and they give him lots of attention and he comes home and thinks oh yeah- i can try this with mummy.. so i dont know if i am just a horrible mum who is ignoring her sons emotional needs or what??!!!! BUt he is just soooooooo naughty aswell, he really tests me and does things he KNOWS are not ok, he throws things at me, hits me and is just naughty!!!!

So then the "mean mummy" in me wants to then tell the care ladies instead of calling me when he gets like this, can you please ignore my son coz by giving into his behaviour you are making him want me to the same!!!????????? How HORRIBLE IS THAT???????

Can someone please tell me they understand and im not a horrible mummy coz i really feel like one- i have been tellinbg him off all day and i just want to know how to make him stop being so naughty!!!!!!

[~Lashes~]

your not horrible at all! if your horrible then i must be rotton! i made my 3yo walk the hour walk home today, he chucked a tanty as we just missed a bus, picked up a large rock (more a chunk of brick) and threw it, just missing a brand new commodore.. kids have this abbility to push your buttons. they also like to think that what works on one person will work on everyone else... i would definatley be saying something to them, if it continues would there be any way to make him feel more content while at care, a fave teddy or something to have with him?

[Janie]

My DS used to be a bit like this the night and day after I worked, and he was looked after by my mum. I figured it was payback for leaving him, and I kind of didn't blame him. TBH, it didn't stop until I went on maternity leave and stopped leaving him. He will now go to mum's and come home with no consequences, but I do think he knows he's not being left so I can go to work, it's so he can have fun with Grandma.

You are not a horrible mummy AT ALL. The fact that you are concerned about this shows that you're a great mum . If I can be brutally honest with you, your DS's behaviour sounds quite normal, and to be expected in some kids. He is seeking reassurance that you will be there for him when he wants/needs you (which in my book are the same thing at their age ). Your idea might help - or it might not. If he really is looking for reassurance, then when he doesn't get it from the ladies who are caring for him it might really upset him there. If you all keep on being positive, and letting him know that you are all there for him when he perceives he needs the attention, then he will likely settle down in time.

I know the naughty stuff is very, very hard to deal with. I used to call it Tuesdayitis in our house, because I worked on a Monday. Your DS is also at a pretty tough age when they are working out their boundaries etc, which makes this all doubly tough for you. I hope you can find some way to help him settle a bit, and when you do, let the rest of us know!!!!!

[~StarBright~]

Thankyou ladies-

sarah.. a friend suggested i buy a watch that iw ear during the week and give to him to wear while he is there- i am going to try that and see if that helps.. he has his blanket and teddy for nap time- but they discourage the kids from bringing their own personal toys there as it can understandable cause some fights!!

Thankyou Janie... i know deep down he is just wanting some reassurance- but geeze the way he goes about getting it is REALLY getting to me!!!!!!!!!! And i try to make as much "him" time as i can but with a four month old it can be hard- and he picks the WORST times to play up!!!!!!

So i think i will still get them to at least call me and give me the option of coming to get him if he is upset- i would much rather know and have the option to come get him- i might also just get him earlier anyway even if he isnt upset and then gradually make it longer for him....

Thanks xxoo

[misty]

I don't really know about the childcare situation, I have never had mine in childcare. But I do know that the behaviour you are describing is Nate, through and through. Particularly at the age you Shane is at, and particularly when there was another small baby that 'mum' had to look after. It is not exactly sibling rivalry, but definitely wanting mum's undivided attention for himself. He is pushing boundaries, and trying out behaviours to see if he can get what he wants. Unfortunately, I think this is a stage most kids go through at some point, (hopefully they grow out of it at some point too - still waiting for that myself), and some kids moreso then others. This would be difficult enough as the mother of just one kid, but when you have another to look after as you do, it just makes it that much harder.

[ezymay]

SB have you thought about sending him another day? I have been under the impression from various carers that kids do better in care when they are in for at least 2 days? It does take time for them to get used to it. My dd was the same tho, it took a while for her to settle. I thinking having the reassurance you can get him if you need to will help you. Hugs its so hard!!!

[Miss E]

We went through a similar period when my DS started childcare, but he was quite a bit younger than your DS. I'd never left him with anyone before really, so for him it was a huge thing and he had to learn that I would always come back iykwim? Even though he was only one, he was still doing everything he could to make sure he was in my arms or having my one on one attention all the time. But that would only last a day. I made a point of saying to him all the time 'mummy always comes back'. I'd tell him that when I left him at CC and when I picked him up, but also throughout the day, like if I went into another room for minute at home and then came back.

I was really lucky cos the room leader would always call me if he was too upset (which was pretty often in the beginning) and see if I wanted to come get him. Personally, I think it is important that they do this, because if they get too upset they're likely to develop negative associations with it.

After about 3 months it all settled down. He stopped crying when I left him and when I picked him up, and then started to get excited when I told him he was going. So it does improve, it's a huge learning curve for them iykwim?

he has his blanket and teddy for nap time- but they discourage the kids from bringing their own personal toys there as it can understandable cause some fights!

The center suggested we keep a couple of family photos in their bag, so when they are upset the staff can get them out and they can hold them and feel close to you. Also things like making a point of driving by the centre when your not going and pointing it out, talking about having fun there etc.

Anyway hope this helps, good luck

[~StarBright~]

Thanks Miss E- that sounds exactly like it- it only lasts a day- today he has woken up back to his normal self!!! I will do that with the photo- and tell the carers to please call if he is upset when he wakes up from his nap. All weel all e talks about is "at care?" in a happy way- he loves it and everyday he asks "care today" and if i say no he goes "aaawwwww" so i iknow he likes it- it is just an adjustment thing- so i will try really hard to have my "understanding mummy" pants on on monday afternoon and tuesdays and not my "very cranky mummy" pants!!! That might help a bit too!!!

ezmay- they did offer us another day but they only had teusday- and i thought that monday and tuesday in a row would be a bit too much in one go- if they have a wed/thurs come up i may take it!

[black_rose]

He is probably super tired too, I know my girls are cranky after I pick them up. Somedays it doesn't seem worth it if the are really tired but I know they do enjoy it and I benefit from it too. Hopefully in a few weeks he will be settled.