I've lost patience.

**Sterla** · December 13th, 2010, 01:48 PM

I wish I had the answers Mel

. Sounds like you're having a really hard time with her. If you need a break from her, feel free to drop her off here for a couple of hours -I'm not just offering to be nice, I mean it!

**Arimeh** · December 13th, 2010, 02:15 PM

Lilias - she is jealous, and we know that. But i think there is only so much you can "Favour" her, without the other two getting upset and wanting their share of attention too ya know?

I hope my comments didn't upset you Mel, was just trying to offer suggestions and support. I know you do the best you can by all of your kids, I can only imagine how much work it all is. I'm exhausted with just one toddler and being pregnant!
Sounds like you are giving your DD plenty of one-on-one time....so it mustn't be that then.

I know you were offering suggestions - but sometimes its hard to hear suggestions when you already know what the problem is (plus I had a toddler in my arms whilst typing so had to be brief). We know she wants attention, we know she is jealous - hence the extra stuff we do with her. But I think the only solution to the problem (for her) would be to give the other two away and ya know - thats not an option. So how much more do I take from the other two to give to her?

has she ever had a hearing test????? or ears checked for fluid/glue ear??

She had a hearing test when she was born? But thats the only one so far. She doesn't suffer from ear infections that much, its the other two that seem to have that problem.

Def sounds like attention seeking in my humble opinion babe.... and its SO hard to address with other little ones, trust me....

Would she understand an "allocated" time? You can put a sticker on the clock at say 12pm, and tell her when the hands get there, she can pick what to do with mummy.. (doesnt matter if DS is there, but bub should b ein bed, and its her choice what you do) or pick a job, packing up, then its her turn to choose.. even pulling out paint and playdough, and saying "Your big now, you choose!"

It got so hard with mine I started to throw their toys out... if they done something they had just been told NOT to do, i would throw out a fave toy.. tears and tantrums, but when i threatrened it again, they knew I meant it, and they'd straighten up quick smart!!

Even just calling her a "big girl" can make a massive difference (sometimes!), and giving her a "job" when she looks bored.. even whispering that she is very big now, and ds1 cant do it, so can she please wipe the toilet.. give her a wet cloth and let her go... playing little games like this can distract from the nasty behaviour.. (again, sometimes!)

Good luck sweets, its so hard

..xoxoxoxoxo

I do stuff with her, gosh its sounding like everyone thinks I don't do stuff with her. I pulled out stuff today for her to do, when Eden was asleep so she couldn't wreck it on the older two, so we had a good morning, and then as soon as Eden was awake, the fights started. I don't do play doh when Eden is awake though, because DD1 just pulls it apart and puts it on the floor for DD2 to eat - which she knows she's not allowed to do, but doesn't stop her from doing it.

I wish I had the answers Mel

. Sounds like you're having a really hard time with her. If you need a break from her, feel free to drop her off here for a couple of hours -I'm not just offering to be nice, I mean it!

Nah I couldn't do that to you guys - I think you guys have enough on your plate at the moment. Thanks for the offer though. I'd hate it if she started beating up your little man.

**Sterla** · December 13th, 2010, 02:18 PM

We've got a couple of weeks 'off', so it really wouldn't be any trouble. And I doubt she's get to Oliver - like you said, she only does it to her own siblings. The offer is there (if you ever stop being stubborn and give in!

).

**maz** · December 13th, 2010, 02:30 PM

defently not second child syndrom cause M is my vicious, screaming, not listening violent child.

I have days were I feel like im rocking back and forward in the corner because of his behaviour. V and I end up going outside into the garden or my bedroom to get away from it.
I take my hat of to you though, atleast you havent smacked back....I have and as much as I didnt like it and hated my reaction it did make him stop for a short time.

its so much easier when their at school

**BrightSparkles** · December 13th, 2010, 02:35 PM

OMG - Your DD1 and My DD1 (who are the same age) are peas on a pod! (I only have one other to worry about though) Big

I completely understand where you are coming from and same as you, i'm yet to find a solution that works. It sounds like you are doing everything you can and hopefully (or at least i'm hoping) its a phase they are going through and it will pass

Can we send them both on a holiday together somewhere - get it all out of their systems and come back to us as nice kids again

**kawazuki** · December 13th, 2010, 02:38 PM

oh hun its such a tough situation..

we can all tell you have tried soo many things adn its still not helping.

tay gets like that soemtimes especially when im near maree.

i just be sterna dn ignore the behavious, i make sure everyone is safe ofcourse. but when she starts carrying on, i just look her in teh eyes and say " taylah, your nwo a big girl, you want to continue to act like a naughty girl, fine but please do it where i cant see it like your bedroom. if you want to stay out here, be nice and behave"

then i ask her to apologise to everyone once she has settled down.
so she really understands that ehr behaviour is not acceptable.

**berrme** · December 13th, 2010, 02:39 PM

Does A fight back? Or just take it because she is a girl? I am guesing E is not quite big enough to hold her own yet.

Only asking because, as bad as it sounds, I think that it was when DS2 got big enough to fight back and I just left them to it a bit more, that it got better. I tried being super attentive with DS1 too, but I am pretty sure in the end they had to sort it out for themselves. That probably isn't very helpful when there will be another child who will need to find their place soon, but you may just need to play referee for a while longer. Hopefully as they are so close in age it won't be long before they all become friends again.

**MrsFabuloso** · December 13th, 2010, 02:45 PM

I don't think anyone was thinking that you don't do stuff with her hun. We all know you're a great mumma. I just think it's that she has higher attention needs than the other two, and acts out accordingly. She's found that hurting and being mean to the others makes you come to pay her attention, albeit negative attention. But if she's getting into trouble, then I guess in her mind the other two aren't getting attention, kwim? And it's possibly just the terrible twos.
DS is going through it now and pushes me to the end of my tehter. It's making me tear my hair out becasue DD never went through it. DD was pretty bad at 3, but it has gone now and she's back to her normal pretty thoughtful little self. But DS just tries stuff to push buttons. I see him glance at me before he does something he thinks will get my back up, then the look of 'mischevious' on his face when he does it and I get cranky at him. He's just trying out what he can do and what he can't but by god he ****s me!!!
Have you tried not paying her attention. So if she lays on E, pull her off, turn your back to her and pay all of the attention to E, and get A in on the act too if you can, you know 'Poor baby, are you ok, awww, that squashed you didn't it, come on let us(as in you A and E) go play nicely together.' Then M needs to apologise to E for hurting her, and she can join you when she's going to be nice...You have probably tried it....but hey thought I'd try to make a useful suggestion!

**~mamaspice~** · December 13th, 2010, 03:09 PM

s mate, you must be pulling your hair out. I don't have much advice, but Bring on your DD1's realisation of empathy I say! I hope the phase passes soon for you mate.

**thepixie** · December 13th, 2010, 04:14 PM

TBH Mel I think it's just kind of a rotten age for a lot of kids. I know that DD is a little beast around her friends and other kids the same age - she WILL.NOT.SHARE, throws tantrums when another child has a toy she wants (even if it is not hers and she has never seen it before) pushes, hits and screams at other kids if I am not all over her like a rash (and even if I am sometimes). I mean what kind of a kid can't share an ENTIRE JUMPING CASTLE with one other kid without a meltdown? At the end of the day I am exhausted from just dealing with her refusals, demands, bargaining, delaying, procrastinating, fighting and tantrums and I don't have any other kids to juggle. So I don't know how you do it.

And you know what, there is nothing wrong with putting her out in the yard with the dog if you have to!

**Arimeh** · December 13th, 2010, 05:16 PM

I'm sorry if my answers to some responses were brief and a bit harsh. I had a really bad day today, and wasn't really expecting advice, it was more of a vent so I wouldn't kill her!

It doesn't help that I'm sick as a dog, have a ulcer on my tongue which mum says is because I'm run down, Eden is going through her clingy, separation anxiety stage (which means that I can't even put her down without a screaming fest if I try to wipe Aricyn's bum after a poo!) and its all getting so hard to deal with on a daily basis - especially when you throw DD1's tendency to hit into the mix.

I'm lucky really - DS has improved incredibly to what he used to be like, and 95% of the time he is a really really good kid. So he helps me a bit.

Just a crappy crappy day.

**Pretty Butterfly** · December 13th, 2010, 05:19 PM

I do stuff with her, gosh its sounding like everyone thinks I don't do stuff with her. .

That is definatly not the case babe....

We're just giving suggestions that we have used/heard of that have worked in some cases... I'm sorry if it came out wrong......

**thepixie** · December 13th, 2010, 05:40 PM

DS has improved incredibly to what he used to be like, and 95% of the time he is a really really good kid.

Well there is hope for DD1 right there. Just hope it happens quickly for you!

**OceanPrincess** · December 13th, 2010, 05:45 PM

**AwesomeFoursome** · December 13th, 2010, 09:50 PM

I know how you feel. My kids had me in tears today. Since we have told DS I have to go to hospital next week, he has been so naughty in every way possible and DD is copying him. I am sick of him hurting DD. He is also having major separation issues, won't let me out of his sight, won't go out with Dh and wants to sit on me all day. So of course DD wants to do the same. I just want some space to breath. Sorry for talking about myself but I just wanted to let you know I know how you feel and am thinking of you. I hope your DD improves soon.

**Fleur** · December 14th, 2010, 06:51 AM

I have no advice to offer, but I think you're a freaking champion dealing with three kids under 4 and another on the way. I have days when I think mine will send me mental & some of them are almost grown

I think lilias said it well

I just think it's that she has higher attention needs than the other two, and acts out accordingly.

-but boy oh boy where are you supposed to pull the extra time from

So I dunno, but big hugs

You deserve a medal, seriously.