Hi everyone,

I'm new to BB and I decided to join because I need help. I am a relatively new mother my dd is 6 1/2 months old and I am not coping well.
Before I decided to have a baby I was under an extreme amount of pressure doing a Masters degree that nearly destroyed my marriage, health and anything else that it could touch. I never wanted children, but I decided to have a baby after teaching developmental psychology and realising that I really did want to try this thing called parenting.

I have a condition called fibromyalgia and never considered that this would be a problem because it had been dormant for 9 years. I got pregnant and had a fairly tough pregnancy. Almost everything caused me pain. I didn't mind so much except I couldn't do the housework. I never went through the nesting phase, but I needed the house to be spotless. Also, my husband is a very busy guy and he wasn't around a lot so this didn't help. I don't have any support as my family live is SA and I am in QLD.

My mum came up for the last 8 weeks and this helped a lot. I was greatful to her for her support.

When time came for the big push I had a tough road. I was terrified of giving birth and hired a doula to support me. She was fantastic and I have no regrets, but my bub got stuck due to an asynclitc presentation and I pushed for seven hours. I ended up with 3rd degree tearing and couldn't get up or pick up bub for six weeks.

I was trying for an unplanned homebirth but that didn't happen due to the problems and then to top it all off DD fed for 36 hours straight thanks to the midwife who woke her at 3am. I got 7 hours sleep in 96 hours. When I got home I passed out and literally couldn't move. Even now nearly 7 months later I am traumatised by this experience and everytime dd cluster feeds (thank God it is much less often now) I have flashbacks to the hospital.

My fibro flared up and I couldn't even hold her for weeks. I spent a lot of time laying down. I am now able to carry her for short periods, but she is at that stage where she doesn't want to be put down and it is killing me. I have a sling and it helps but it is not the be all and end all and I find I use it infrequently around the house. It doesn't help that she is a small giant and already comes two thirds of the way up my legs (I'm 5'8" by the way)

DD also hates the stroller and I am now housebound because I can't carry her for a long walk and my DH is never home to help. He gets up before dd is awake and is home after she is in bed.

I am also now going through a formal complaint process for my masters and I am barely keeping it together. Up to this point I have coped remarkably well. But I am not coping now. With my health, lack of support, the birth trauma and my Masters fiasco I am really struggling. I am not spending quality time with dd and I feel so guilty about that. I am not sleeping very well and dd doesn't sleep well during the day (thank God she sleeps 12 hours at night) so I don't get to catch up at all.

On top of all of that all of my so called friends (not all I have two who understand) just tell me that they did it and just strap her in the stroller and let her scream. I am at my wits end and don't know how much longer I can do this for.