I don't really know what I'm after, posting in here. I'm ashamed, I guess but feel I need to say that I am finding no joy in my children at the moment.
I feel ashamed because I read every day of friends (my sister too) who would give anything to be parents. Family who have lost babies, children & would give anything to hold them one more time.
I however, would like to tuck myself away somewhere, without my kids, without my husband and enjoy the solitude.

I lost my mum three weeks ago yesterday. It is not my kids' fault that I am missing her. But I resent that I have to keep going with everything when I just want everything to stop. When I want everything around me to be still and to resonate with the loss I feel.

I hope things get better soon. Because I am sure the kids can tell how little joy I am finding in caring for them. The guilt overwhelms me almost as much as my grief.