Thank you all for your suggestions. None of them seem harsh, i asked for anything that may help. My little man has seen a lot of violence in his short life, and i know i am to blame for that, and we are both currently taking steps to rectify this. I have also looked into taking him into a child psych, there's either long waiting lists (and he is on those lists) or they cost a fortune. And i would sacrifice anything to help my little guy, but the truth is we are just managing to buy food and pay some bills at the moment. We are barely managing.
I would LOVE to get the kids into care, once again that is another expense. DHS is trying to organise some daycare, 13 weeks worth (3 days a week for the boys, and i have opted for anneliese to have 2 days as well. Going to work it out so I get one on one time with each of them, they all deserve it. Declan doesnt talk, and when he gets out a few words, he whispers them.) Im thinking of going back to work, even if work only pays for daycare, i will be getting a break.
I will talk to my MCHN about PPP, i have heard about it when Xander was a baby (in Perth) but never thought i would be needing it.
One thing i am really proud of Xander is when we moved to Melbourne he started weeing himself, he was fully toilet trained, including at night. I let him go, just put him back into nappies and left it to do this summer. I just put his potty about so he could see it. Last week, i started leaving pants off him, and no nappy, and he started going by himself. And the last 2 nights he hasnt weed his nappy. We made a big fuss of it, "You're such a big boy" and he's very proud of himself. Just like the PPP, trying to focus on the positives. We've only had one episode today, Declan was patting Anneliese's leg in the car as she was crying, and Xander bit him. Xander even shared some bath toys with him. Hopefully we're looking at a better day today than the last few...

THanks for all the suggestions girls, im going to try them all...