I'm about to become a SAHM again after having to go back to work for 12months - my contract with current employer has come to an end and they won't put me onto another project given that I'm pregnant and was looking to finish in November anyway.
Long story short - I CANNOT WAIT TO BE a full time mum again - the last 12months although financially less pressure have been extremely difficult emotionally and physically - I'm so looking forward to having 1 on 1 time with my gorgeous boy and am also looking forward to arrival of this new baby to join in with the fun.
I think the only thing that I will do differently this time round is make sure that I at least interact with other mums/children once a week through play group or something like that - I think it will be really beneficial to my and DS well being - but other than that WOOHOO Seeya later WORK
yes we SAHM's do get left out of convos and looked down upon cause all we do is sit at home and look after our kids. People just don't realise that we are actually doing the most important job on Earth! Motherhood was always my dream job and i love it (it certainly has had its moments), it has taken over 2 years for me to really get used to the idea of being content with being a SAHM and not feel guilty about not working and earning an income etc, but i am so content right now and DH and I love that I am the one raising our son, not a stranger. I cannot imagine missing out on any of the little milestones that happen each and every day. It is very easy to forget about ourselves and remember to leave the house a few times a week to be with other adults and children, but it makes such a difference to have other mums to chat to about the positives and negatives of being SAHM's.
You know, I think this highlights the city v country divide. Out here it is the working mums who cop *the look* and SAHM's are congratulated - especially from older women in my experience. When I had my first baby I got asked all the time was I going to go back to work or not and depending on the age of the person asking I got either the 'oh, I couldn't stay at home, I'm going back to work' (younger women) or "oh, that's really great, children need their mum at home' (older women) when I said I was staying at home. In the city it is almost the norm to go back to work whether it be by choice or by necessity so for someone in the city to say that they are a SAHM it is a big thing because it is just assumed by others that you're going back to work. Out here though it is completely different with almost all mums staying at home for a number of years before entering the workforce again, if at all. There are some who go back before their child is one, but not often. I guess there is just a different value set in country areas that places the importance on staying at home with your children because often we have the luxury of being able to stay at home for longer because the cost of living is so much cheaper so one income is usually more than enough in a lot of cases.
And yeah, I've had a run in with a career woman (wife of BIL's friend) and she told me that she could never give up her career to change ****ty nappies all day and that I was less of a woman for doing so (yep, she really said that) and I told her "what career? you work in a dead end job in a country town - that's not a bloody career" We don't speak anymore LOL
I have spent the last 6 years teaching primary school and have been a SAHM for 4 months now and I love oi! I would not swap it for the world. Sure there are times I miss my old job but only for a moment and usually only a particular aspect of it. I am amazed at how critical people become once I tell them I am a SAHM. One lady at my playgroup was telling us how she got a job part time in a school and wanted to know what everyone else did (which was odd cause most of us are SAHM's) and after that she would only talk to those ladies who worked, weird.
Anyway i love my DS and anyone who thinks that being at home is not work is not a parent. Its the biggest job of all because it's not just 8 - 5 it's all day everyday for the rest of your childs life. Hey if others think less of me then they can go jump.
I agree Macca, its a job just like any other and I don't think women realise just how hard and demanding it can be until they have a child themselves. My hat goes off to mums who do work though because some days I have enough work to do for 10 people, let alone going to work and having to do it all at home - talk about knocking off work to carry bricks....
I think women have it tough both ways. I have a friend who has no kids as yet, but she went to Uni for NINE years to get the career she has. She wants to have kids while she's still young physically, but she really can't SAH and have the career she has worked so hard for. Luckily in her case i think her DP would SAHP, so that might be how they do it, but i know it's something she struggles with.
I know many many women who bought houses nearly a decade before starting their family, and when the biological tock began to tick they STILL had a decade or more to go on the mortgage, and having paid half of it off i can see why they weren't inclined to downsize in ORDER to have a kid, when most people need/want MORE space, and a BETTER neighbourhood, when they have kids.
Having said that i too have come across women who looked down on me (very foolish, they won't repeat the mistake let me tell you ) for my decision to raise my kids myself. One said to me i was anti-feminist, and an enemy to educated women, quite quietly in a crowded room, and i replied loudly, "EXCUSE ME if i decided to follow the deeply female activities of pregnancy and birth with the equally female act of nurturing my children. Perhaps YOU feel a 17-year-old you've never met with an NC in childcare can do better than you raising your kids, but i think my skills are just a LITTLE better than that! I still menstruate too, in an era when i could suppress it with drugs and be just like a man - is THAT anti-feminist too?" The whole room turned to look at us and she went beetroot in the long silence that followed. EVentually her DP made a joke to break the atmosphere and i leaned in and smugly said to her " i thought a feminist was a woman who could speak her HERSELF." and wandered off. Amazingly she still speaks to me, but she's never tried to pull that one again!
I've got a foot in both camps because I've been a SAHM for a year and am now back to work part-time.
So my perspective is this. I'm an older mum and I think part of being older is not relying on anyone else for my own self-worth. That would be harder if I was younger but I've already been successful career-wise and have heaps of life experience. So if I was to meet someone for the first time and being a SAHM was a conversation-stopper, I'd have lots of other things to talk about.
If we're talking to women/people who don't have kids, they often don't know what to say if we say we're SAHMs because they don't know where to go with the conversation if we say we've got a 6/9/12 month old. They don't know milestones, they don't know whether to ask if our baby is crawling/walking/talking. In essence, they don't know what to SAY.
So I think there needs to be a bit of give and take. If you show no interest in the job they're doing and don't say "oh, a legal secretary, what sort of law d'you work in?" then that to me is as dismissive of them as a lack of questions from them is as dismissive as you. Conversation is a two-way street.
I do think, however, that being a SAHM is much more complicated and emotionally draining than a job and that's pretty difficult to explain.
It is MUCH easier going to work. When I go to work, I make my To Do list and I gradually work through it.
When I'm home, I pretty much have the same To Do list every day and I can't always get through it because DD wants to play or wants to 'help'. I can't just start a task and finish it like I can at work and that is frustrating.
Having said that, being at home is much more rewarding than being at work. I get to play peek-a-boo, I get to watch DD learn new things every day and for every minute of frustration I get much more back in enjoyment.
And the first thing people have asked me since going back to work is, "oh, who's looking after your daughter?"
I am quite sure DP has NEVER been asked that question!
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(wife of BIL's friend) and she told me that she could never give up her career to change ****ty nappies all day and that I was less of a woman for doing so (yep, she really said that) and I told her "what career? you work in a dead end job in a country town - that's not a bloody career" We don't speak anymore LOL
) for my decision to raise my kids myself. One said to me i was anti-feminist, and an enemy to educated women, quite quietly in a crowded room, and i replied loudly, "EXCUSE ME if i decided to follow the deeply female activities of pregnancy and birth with the equally female act of nurturing my children. Perhaps YOU feel a 17-year-old you've never met with an NC in childcare can do better than you raising your kids, but i think my skills are just a LITTLE better than that! I still menstruate too, in an era when i could suppress it with drugs and be just like a man - is THAT anti-feminist too?" The whole room turned to look at us and she went beetroot in the long silence that followed. EVentually her DP made a joke to break the atmosphere and i leaned in and smugly said to her " i thought a feminist was a woman who could speak her HERSELF." and wandered off. Amazingly she still speaks to me, but she's never tried to pull that one again!
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