Lulu I can feel your angst when I read that.

I think it might be worth trying a single bed for her. Caleb is quite often unsettled at bed time and instead of taking him in our bed, I get in his bed with him. It can sometimes take an hour but I can get him off to sleep eventually and then sneak off back to my own bed. He will wake up again some nights and I settle him in his own bed again.
We can't do the co-sleep thing as I'm too light a sleeper to get a proper rest and the little blighter ends up sideways, kicking me in the boobs if I do.