Welcome to the bad mother club!

[Bathsheba]

All Boys: I think it's positive that you are able to admit when you could have parented better There is such huge pressures to be percieved as the Perfect Mother these days. Forums like this can often make mums feel even less than perfect.

Today hasn't been too bad so far. I've put in a bit of a huge effort though. For a start I got up at 5.40am and did lots of housework before everyone woke up. I'm calmer for it. Then after the school run I managed to do what I thought was impossible: write up a draft for another childrens book while SIMULTANEOUSLY keeping my 3yo entertained at the same table. 9/10 I resent him for constantly interrupting my creative flow. Today somehow it actually worked. Miracles will never cease.

I am a member of this club on more days than not because my "artistic temperament" is just another way of saying I can throw tanties as big as my 3yo! LOL

[Feijoa Mum]

Thank you Arimeh that is exactly what I am hoping for. I do feel awful with a terrible case of the guilts now but want to know that I am not the only one who has done things, which in hindsight were not such a great idea.

Not that it makes me feel better but he has stopped throwing his toys around.

[CrazyLady]

Always a silver lining. I actually think it wasn't that bad because he did get prior warning (even though he didn't understand it) and it's not as if you threw it at him! At least he stopped throwing his toys and sure he got a bump to the head but it's not as if you put him in his room and punished him or something like that. these things happen. it's the same principle as telling them not to climb and they fall

[*LittleMissSummer*]

You are no way near being a bad mother, sometimes with children the only way they understand is unfortunately the hard way. Its the way i brought up and it will be the way i'll bring my kids up.

My mum's worst moment was when she was on the phone to my grandpa and my brother was in the backyard playing and my older sister was off school sick. My sister walked inside and said to my mum that my brother had cut his hand, and mum in the middle of a conversation just said yeah yeah theres bandaids in the cupboard. My brother walked past her and he was bleeding everywhere, he had stuck his hand under the lawn mower and sliced the top of his hand, he was lucky he didnt slice his fingers off. As soon as mum saw that she screamed hung the phone up and took him straight to the hospital.

My mum has never forgiven herself but she knows that mistakes happen, no one is really a perfect parent and looking at my mum i dont expect it.

BIG dont be so hard on yourself, i dont think your a bad mother

[Fleur]

Allboys the fact that you can see it, feel bad, and can admit to it...
IMHO it would be worse to go around thinking you never get it wrong. And you're not alone, I think most of us have had parenting moments we aren't particularly proud of - I certainly have although I can't remember any off the top of my head I'll come back later if I think of any...

I am a member of this club on more days than not because my "artistic temperament" is just another way of saying I can throw tanties as big as my 3yo! LOL

Bathsheba I had to laugh when I read this, I have had some EPIC tanties while I was PG made the kids

[AnyDream]

Stacey, I too have had parenting moments I'm not proud of. One in particular springs to mind (and I was lucky at the time to be able to debrief with my sister who is supportive without being judgemental). I think the trick here is not to indulge in guilt (because it is *never* a productive emotion). Instead, identify what you think the mistake was and resolve the next time to handle the situation differently. I use the memory of my not-proud-of-myself parenting moment to motivate myself to respond in a different way when I feel I'm getting pushed into a negative parenting space. It's the larger pattern of how we respond to our children that matters, not a single incident on a single day, kwim?

[beckoes]

It's the larger pattern of how we respond to our children that matters, not a single incident on a single day,

Agree with that, i have some terrible days when im just grumpy and that makes DD grumpy and the day just ends up a right off with tanties and crying all over the place!! but i think about that crappy day and the next day is always better. and the next even better

[*becstar*]

ERmmm...yeah i've done this before :blush:

And I have moments every day that when I sit back I'm less than proud of.

My best one is DD falling on her arm, complaining for a bit but then letting it go. Found out 4 weeks later after she fell on it again it had been fractured But I can't take all the credit for that...she seems to be the tough nut out of all my kids. Giggled (and farted) right the way through her 6 stitches to the thigh Monday night . I didn't know if I should be proud or embarrassed.

Stacey.

[boomba]

Oh hun nwe all do things that we look back on and realise we could have done something different. Trust me NO ONE is perfect and we all make mistakes.
Sometimes even the smallest things we do make us feel guilt... your a wonderful mum and doing the very best you can

[Inanna]

Well I think my love you are just a human being. We all have times when we don't do what we are proud of. You have the insight to work through what happened, reflect and move on. Don't spend time with guilt - guilt is not productive. Just rack this up to a learning experience...

This does not make you part of any bad mummy club. This makes you a fallible human. I hope your day pans out better & your little ones head isn't too sore.

He has learnt the consequence of throwing toys. You have learnt to look a little closer. Story done... Now have a cuppa and put this one up to experience...

[~*lilla*~]

Well I think my love you are just a human being. We all have times when we don't do what we are proud of. You have the insight to work through what happened, reflect and move on. Don't spend time with guilt - guilt is not productive. Just rack this up to a learning experience...

I totally agree with this. You are human, and humans make mistakes. You have acknowledged you could of done it differently, you have insight into the situation. To me that makes you a good mum that doesn't do everything perfect. A bad mum is one that continues down the same path.

Chin up. If it makes you feel better, a few months ago my clingy DS became ultra clingy and whingy (which isn't anything new). He had a cold so I thought it was that. Low and behold he had a massive ear infection to the point of a perferation I felt like the world's worst mum - until other women (and the nurse) told me it's common with littlies to not know until things are bad because they can't tell you.

[tan32]

I am here to join you. Just last week my 6 yr old was running around like crazy. I told him to stop before he got hurt but of course he didn't and yes he ran straigt into a sliding door frame at my dds dance studio.
The first thing i did was tell him off for running, he was hiding his face and not crying. I made him sit down and told him to stay there, it wasn't till he looked up at me that i saw the great big egg on his head that i knew he was hurt.
I got ice onto his head basically straight away as this had all happened in a matter of a minute but man i felt like a bad Mum for telling him off..........and a side note he managed to give himself concusion in the process..

Big Hugs to you.

[skybie]

aw hun, dont worry yourself too much, he wont remember when mummy didnt give him a hug the day the train smackered him in the head!
i think we've all been there, its a part of being a parent. you'd have to be some sort of super powered parent to not have had one of these experiences!
Big big hugs
xxx

[Visitor8]

oh lovely it doesn't make you a bad mother. I haven't read all the replies but I just wanted to say i've done way worse. Take yesterday for example, i got so mad at my 4 year old for not sleeping that i practically threw him into bed. Was I proud? Hell no. I felt really upset after but i was having a shocking day and my kid getting out of bed every 5 minutes for 3 hours got to me. I don't think I am a bad mother though because we all snap sometimes

[*LittleMissSummer*]

My sister fractured her wrist when she was 4 and she hid it from my mum for about 3 weeks. Iv had a fractured wrist along with a compound fracture and a dislocated elbow but the wrist was the sorest, they must be tough kiddies to hide it i was a huge sook about mine lol