First of all big Hun I think you need to make an appointment with your GP to talk with them about how you are feeling. I can identify so much with everything you are saying. I was desperate to get my old life back and thought having DS was the biggest mistake I had ever made. I'm not saying it is for you but for me it was PND. I started medication and after a few weeks I noticed things didn't seem as hard as they had been and from there every day got better and better and I now think having DS was the best thing I've ever done. My DS was a reflux and colic baby so I totally get how hard it is to enjoy motherhood when you have a baby who screams for majority of the day. I had a lot of well meaning people tell me to hang in there and it will get better but for me it wasn't going to get better on its own I needed a bit of help.