When things just don't workout the way you thought they would

[Arimeh]

Thats very brave of you honey to put it all out there.

You know I'm behind you 110% no matter what way you choose to bring up your little girl. I've seen her look adoringly into your eyes whilst feeding, and it touched my heart. You are an amazing mum - with an equally amazing daughter.

I'm very blessed to have a friend like you in my life!

[AliBaby]

You are such a beautiful mummy and should be so proud of yoursel and the beautiful little girl you have. I hope getting this out has helped you.

[Jellyfish]

Thankyou for sharing that Linda! You were one of the first people I really admired when I started reading BB and I felt so privilidged to be in your baby buddy group when I finally got the courage to join. I think you are such a fantastic person and Mum! I can't wait to meet both of you

[Maruschke]

Linda you are an amazing mum! I know it is terrible when things don't go the way we had hoped or planned or dreamed for. But Charlotte really is a happy and healthy baby girl and you do a brilliant job with her.

I wished (and still wish) I could bf my daughter and have that special connection with her. I know when I read some posts on BB I feel terrible for being a formula feeder. I also didn't tell people on BB when we went to FF for fear of what they would think. In hindsight, you are right, there are so many mummies like me out there who need to know that they are doing a great job no matter how they feed their bubs. Being a formula feeder often means dealing with mummy guilt and we need the support of our mates to get through it.

FF is no relfection on our abilities as mum's, we are raising happy healthy babes and should be so proud of our efforts!

[Marlene]

I hope you feel a lot better after getting all your feelings out. Not everything goes perfectly to plan all the time, but, in the end you have a beautiful, happy, healthy baby girl. She knows you love her completely, no matter how you feed her, and that is what matters. You are a wonderful mummy, and breast feeding is not the be all and end all.

[Trillian]

Linda hun, I'm just going to move this to the parenting de-briefing forum so you can post with 100% certainty of not being judged at all as you work through this, as I know only too well the feelings about feeding.

[tiggerlinda]

Thanks everyone!

Trillian Thanks babe was not sure where to post this but as I said to you in my email it is valuable for others to know as well as me

[Trillian]

No worries Linda It will be so valuable for you to have this thread where you can come and hash things out and try to find peace with it all, because it can take a while You may think you are going along just fine and dandy and then something happens to bring it all crashing down again. If you like, have a read of my de-brief here http://forums.bellybelly.com.au/foru...-de-brief.html and you will see that you are not alone. It is something that I did struggle with for a very long time but I have now come full circle. I hope that someday you do too. And never forget that it's not always about the way they are fed - the WHO might not have formula feeding at the top of its list for infant nutrition preferences, but it is still there as sometimes it is the only choice we have isn't it? You can only live for the moment, and not dwell on what could have been because at every stage you did your very best and that's all she is going to know - that she has a Mum who loves her so much that she made the ultimate sacrifice by NOT continuing, to make sure that she had a full belly. You do have to look at it holistically and work out at what point it becomes your need to continue BF'ing through problems as opposed to her needing it kwim? I think there is a lot to be said for taking that view of it - I can't see any point in battling every feed for god knows how long, just to be able to say you did it, when all that time you could have been enjoying every moment of newborn feeding instead of spending every waking moment dreading trying to get it to work. Because this stage is such a short period in their lives that you don't want to reflect back on it in years to come and only have bad memories kwim?

[Maruschke]

You do have to look at it holistically and work out at what point it becomes your need to continue BF'ing through problems as opposed to her needing it kwim? I think there is a lot to be said for talking a that view of it - I can't see any point in battling every feed for god knows how long, just to be able to say you did it, when all that time you could have been enjoying every moment of newborn feeding instead of spending every waking moment dreading trying to get it to work. Because this stage is such a short period in their lives that you don't want to reflect back on it in years to come and only have bad memories kwim?

Brilliant point!

[Jakabella]

Linda - I know exactly where you are coming from I tuely do!
I had an emerg c-section not the natual birth that I had my heart set on and I never made any milk at all and after being told it will come and it never did went to FF - Bella is a beautiful alert and amazing 6 month old that is in the 97th percentile for all her stats - I cant ask for more that that of my baby girl.
No matter how they get here or how they are feed as long as they are loved that all that matters!!
I hope you feel better and you are a wonderful mummy! Please feel free to PM me anytime and I have and still am going through all that you are.

Kate xox

[Lulu]

Tigger - I just wanted to clarify something, because I'm sad that you felt you couldn't post about things on the forum, but also to make sure it wasn't me that made you feel you couldn't.

I'm always the first to point out that expressing can be stressful ( hence my assumption ), because I think it can be (it certainly was for me), and because I hate seeing anyone beating themselves up if they find it hard. I'd never imply that expressing can dry your milk up, cos I don't believe it does and that's the last thing anyone would need to hear when they are struggling with feeding their baby no matter how they feed them.

DS ended up being FF too - I felt in a jam when it came to posting about it because I didn't want to offend any FF'ers because I hated it so much .

[tiggerlinda]

Lulu not just one person hun a number of comments with my CS and FF decisons had made me feel unsure about posting. And I in no way want to point the finger at anyone for making it uncomfortable.

It is a long journey after IVF and a not so easy preg

[Oorki Galoorki]

No matter what you do as a mum you will feel "mummy guilt"
"mummy Guilt" is something we label ourselves with, be happy with your descision no matter what and there will be no guilt.
no one had children to raise them how jo blo or mrs smith believes we should.. we have them to give them OUR love and OUR family values..

I think as mums we need to stop expecting the pat on the back from other mums for every choice we make!!
Its time we pat our own backs and congratulate our selves for making the desicion right for us and our family

[Just Me]

I can totally relate to the feelings of guilt about having to give up breastfeeding. I stopped breastfeeding my DD at 3 months because my milk had dried up and I hadn't realised until I weighed her and she weighed just over 4kg at 13 weeks. It was pretty scary (considering her birth weight was 3.8kg). I didn't use BB at the time and felt very much alone. I didn't look at the signs that it wasn't working for us and just thought I had a very difficult, very fussy baby. Of course she was difficult and fussy - she was starving!

I think it is great that you post your story on here - it certainly would have helped me. I agree, BM is best for babies, but for women who simply cannot bf their baby, it can be a source of great guilt. Thanks Linda for being so brave and sharing this