Tigger - I just wanted to clarify something, because I'm sad that you felt you couldn't post about things on the forum, but also to make sure it wasn't me that made you feel you couldn't.
I'm always the first to point out that expressing can be stressful ( hence my assumption ), because I think it can be (it certainly was for me), and because I hate seeing anyone beating themselves up if they find it hard. I'd never imply that expressing can dry your milk up, cos I don't believe it does and that's the last thing anyone would need to hear when they are struggling with feeding their baby no matter how they feed them.
DS ended up being FF too - I felt in a jam when it came to posting about it because I didn't want to offend any FF'ers because I hated it so much .
Lulu not just one person hun a number of comments with my CS and FF decisons had made me feel unsure about posting. And I in no way want to point the finger at anyone for making it uncomfortable.
It is a long journey after IVF and a not so easy preg
TL, thank you so much for sharing. I am sorry that at times when you needed support you didn't feel able to ask for it. But I am so glad that you are able to share now to help others. I hope that this is a community where people can post about how they really feel and what is going on, without fear of judgement. At the end of the day things usually don't go as planned with babies, and we are all just trying to do the best we can.
I think you are doing an amazing job with your DD hun.
TL - thanks for sharing your story. As someone who is yet to go through labour/birth, breastfeeding and all the other new experiences/decisions a baby will bring - your story is inspiring. All the decisions you and your DH made were the best for you, your Miss C and your family - anyone who judges you for that probably has a lot of issues of their own they need to deal with (IMO). This forum is richer for wonderful women and mothers like you who offer so much to other members. I hope I have your courage and grace when its my turn.
Linda hun, I often think about you and the thoughts that come up are "Geez Linda is one strong, amazing Mum." The reason I think this is both because of your journey to have Miss C in your life, and the way you are being a Mummy now.
You have had such a rough, difficult journey. So many cycles of IVF. So many heartbreaks before even having the huge scare in your pregnancy with Miss C. Then you thought you had lost your precious baby. And then you've had to make difficult decisions not just for the best thing for your baby, but your OWN health in deciding on your CS. I thought "Linda is one strong lady, she is forthright, she is determined, she has had huge struggles and she gets back up and keeps working away for what she knows is the best thing."
I was so proud of you for deciding the things you did for you birth, and you had a *wonderful* birth - something to be so very proud of! Miss C came into the world into her adoring mother and father's arms in the way that was *completely* right for you and Miss C.
Since then you've been tirelessly doing everything you can to give your baby girl the best start to her life, whilst making sure that her Mum is well also. Hard decisions to make again. Full time expressing is HARD and it's something I could never have considered doing with a newborn baby let alone now. Yet you did this to give your baby the best you could. And you have continued to make strong, thoughtful decisions about the best way to give you baby a settled, happy time with her settled, happy HEALTHY Mum. And this is *the* most important thing that you can give her, ahead of anything else. Settled. Happy. Well fed. Full stop.
On top of all of this, you have started up your own business and I continue to think "Wowee, Linda is one amazing woman!"
And through all of this, you show the most wonderful, loving and caring support for so many of us here on BB. You are one special, special lady. Don't you ever doubt that. All the decisions you have made are because of the love that's inside you - for your baby, for yourself, for your family, for your friends on BB. There is so much love in Linda from my perspective! Yes, things worked out differently than your expectation, but this is one of the things I have found is the biggest, most important lesson to learn as a new mum. Things aren't always what you expect, and they change constantly in any case.
In fact, you get to make things better than you expect and that is exactly what you are doing hun. You're absolutely super. And I admire you so very very much for the person you are, what you have been through.
I'm so glad you came and expressed yourself and shared what has been going on for you and I really hope it has made a great big difference and helped you to let go of it and make peace with the things that didn't work out the way you thought they would.
Hun, you know how amazing I think you are. I want to jump on Miss_C's post and say she has said everything that I too feel about you. You are amazing, inspiring (yes, you are an inspiration for me on this journey hun), honest and the most caring of mums and friends.
Your post has given me some food for thought. In fact I think it is useful for LTers to hear and share these experiences and it may be something you could consider sharing with the Parenting ALTTTC if you wanted.
You do an amazing job! I struggled so much when I first had DD, and I look at you and think if I had even half your wisdom and courage back then, I would have saved myself and DH a lot of heartache..
Thanks so much for sharing, and I hope you feel better for getting it out there. And it doesn't matter how you feed Miss C, she is loved, and that's what matters!
I loves you too hun. And on the c-sect front I really hope I was able to help you way back when...
You are wonderful determined mummy, and those who know you, know that your little girl comes first in this world and that you make these decisions based on love for her and her best interests. And you do this while also selflessly thinking of all the rest of us and supporting us, no matter what you are going through yourself. thank you.
You are amazing Linda - I have often read your posts and been inspired by your sensitive and insightful responses and suggestions.
Being a mum has challenged me in ways I would never have thought - mostly when the path I have taken is not the one I had hoped for. I still have had to remind myself that whatever works best for my family is the way forward for us all. It may not be what I had pictured but that's ok - it is not a negative reflection on my abilities as a mother or the love I have for my family, infact the complete opposite. I am often staggered by the competitive nature of mothers and the lack of compassion displayed - as everyone has their struggles.
I have never met you but I can tell you are an amazingly brave person, a fabulous mother and will touch more people than you could ever realise. Thank you.
Good on you for putting this out there Linda! I admire you for trying to create awareness and bring this out into the open
Some people are so righteous in their beliefs that lots of people are scared into not talking about so many issues. I think that it is terrible that mums are doing what is best for them and their babies and then feeling bad about it, as if you don't have enough stress with a newborn baby. Women need to rally together and support everyone's choices even if they might not be your own.
When my mum was organising my baby shower (imagine super excited first time grandma, over the top with printed games booklets and helium balloons and party favours) she was showing one of her neighbours a picture of a nappy cake made out of disposable nappies that she ended up making for me and the stupid woman just looked at mum with an evil look and said, "don't you know how bad those things are for the environment." Talk about crushing someone's hopes and dreams. I didn't even consider using cloth and am quite happy using disposables but maybe one day someone will be able to convert me
Oh Funky Frog your poor Mum I can only imagine how proud she was I would have loved a nappy cake of spoies as we are using them too for Miss C as she has got her Mummys skin that gets a rash at the drop of a hat
I'm sorry you felt this way. And I hope nothing I've said has lead you to feel this way. But I would just like to tell you something from the heart. I for one care not how a woman births her baby so long as she chooses what is right for her. That is the only problem I have, I can assure you of that (when a woman's choice is not respected). And friends of mine who have chosen C/S and FF will confirm this. Yes I get passionate, but if that passion has been misunderstood I am sorry for that, but I just want you to know that I (and I know I am only one measly member ) support you and am happy for you that your birth was everything you wanted and more.
And for what it is worth, I too have always thought you were amazing in your journey. You were always so strong and supportive. And something that I will never forget is your "affirmative avatar" I loved looking at it, it always made me smile. As when we went through LTTTC affirmations were what kept me sane.
Be proud of your journey and be happy for your choices, this is the best thing a mother can do for their baby and for themselves. C/S or FF you are an amazing woman and mother And thats not meant as a negative at all
Like others have said, we always find something that we feel guilty for and I hope you can take these things off your list xxx
hun you are doing an awesome job!! and good on you for posting about this, i know it would of helped me way back when my dd was a baby
my dd is ff and i am PROUD of it, its nothing to be ashamed about, my milk was not enough for my dd, and god knows we tried, i was judged by all including my doctor, the midwives and my friends. but at the end of the day i couldnt stand hearing my new born baby crying cos she was so hungry, so we ff her and she was like a different baby, she slepts for more then an hour at a time, she was content, no more crying and most of all i felt happy cos no matter what my daughter was getting food!! yeah i wished i could of bf but it just wasnt meant to be. dd and i still got to bond, just like a bf baby, everytime we had a bottle, she would lay there and would look at me, scanning my face and gazing into my eyes, it was so wonderful, i will never foget them 3am feeds with the light on dim and looking down into my babies eyes, holding her in so close and looking at her tiny little hand holding onto my finger. ohhhhh what i woudnt do to go back in time just to have 5 minutes of that again.
oh hun your doing an awesome job, enjoy it sweetie, they grow up way to fast
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Lucy in the sky with diamonds.
), because I think it can be (it certainly was for me), and because I hate seeing anyone beating themselves up if they find it hard. I'd never imply that expressing can dry your milk up, cos I don't believe it does and that's the last thing anyone would need to hear when they are struggling with feeding their baby no matter how they feed them.
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of spoies as we are using them too for Miss C as she has got her Mummys skin that gets a rash at the drop of a hat
) support you and am happy for you that your birth was everything you wanted and more.
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