Thanks guys!
It's ironic I suppose, the things I love about my husband (he's patient, takes his time, thoughtful, good at listening, slow to get angry) are the things that drive me insane sometimes ("Oh my god HURRY UP!" or "don't you have ANY opinion on what we are talking about?" and so on). These are the things that press my buttons in my DD1. Her logic isn't like mine - she doesn't make the same connections to reality, sometimes I suspect she and her Dad don't connect with my reality or any version of reality at all.

Thanks Lulu, I've thought that too. It wasn't so much how he responded to her ( she was being foul that day) but it made me realise that I have to make some of the same allowances for her that I do for my DH. Ie. they don't make decisions easily or quickly, in fact watching DD1 try to make a decision is like watching someone in intense physical pain. she takes AGES to get over things, so a moment of discipline has to then involve 15 minutes of debrief and reassurance and calming down and hugs. I've already moved on before we have started, so I have to make such an effort to be calm with her.

It's just that she trys so hard with me, and I feel like it's unfair that she has to try so damn hard all the time! I worry about the effect on her self-esteem that she'll think there is something wrong with her, although I hope she listens when I tell her that it's not her fault, mummy is the one with the brain that doesn't work properly! And of course, I worry that she'll think I don't love her, or even worse she'll stop loving me and we'll have one of those horrible mother daughter relationships that some people on BB seem to struggle through with their own mothers. I hate it when people don't "get me" and to have your mum not "get you" must totally suck.