Last night watched a show which touched on the praising clever versus effort thing, someone in The US had taken two groups of kids and one they praised for results other for effort, they showed that those praised for results were more likely to give up and less likely to persevere with a task because if they couldn't achieve the result why bother.
Personally I think sometimes is a tendency to over think these things and the general "too much of anything is not good for you applies". When my mum was young kids never praised, that was no good, but then swung other way into too much praise. I remember getting A for achievement and C for effort and arguing with my parents who wanted AA that if I didn't need to try harder why bother (I want to avoid that with my kids)
A bit like Onyx I was often complimented for being clever, so I grew up thinking I was not attractive. Balance I think is the key, I have felt very uncomfortable dressing up and being girly in the past despite a longing to do so, I hope with DD she gets a bit more exposure to 'girly' things so feels comfortable in range of situations. Luckily the girly, princess stuff comes naturally to my MIL so am happy for her to expose DD to that because she doesn't get it from me.
I enjoy dressing the kids in nice clothes. I found that I would buy some nice "going out" clothes that would get worn a few times for outings, and then they would grow out of them. So now, rather than "waste" the good clothes I just let them wear them whenever. My almost 3 year old son is often in his lovely shirts and gorgeous tops running around the backyard, and my 14 month old daughter can often be found sitting in the garden picking up dirt and making piles of it on her lovely designer dresses haha! I always make sure they are comfortable though (they are both quick to tell me if they are not) and dresses weather appropriate.
Although I often give them a choice of what to wear, neither of them are interested in making their own choices yet. My son may sometimes say no to something but generally he just wants me to choose something for him. I'm happy with that arrangement for now, hehe.
As for my newest little one, well being 4 weeks old she doesn't have much to say about what I dress her in hehe. I have noticed that rather than dress her in many of the little girl outfits that I had for my first daughter, I am tending to keep her in baby jumpsuits most days. I think it's because I want to keep her a baby as long as I can and her wearing baby jumpsuits makes it feel like she'll just stay a baby forever. Right?
Oh, and my 14 month old's hair has just gotten long enough for little pigtails or a pony tail and I think it's gorgeous when I tie it up. I can't wait until it gets longer and I can do more with it. I was never a girly girl growing up, but one girly memory I have was sitting on the floor between my Mum's legs while she brushed my hair. It's a lovely memory and one I hope my girls will love as well
For me, I feel like clothes can be an expression of personality. I dress DS according to the vibe I'm getting for the day. If he's cranky, he's often wearing something 'grungy' lol. If he's all sweetness and loveliness, well we can take the time to spruce him up a bit. Eg- brush his hair into a bit of a style, put on a cute hat, maybe try to keep shoes on longer than 10 seconds lol.
It's kind of the same when it comes to the way I dress. I feel like my clothes are an expression of how I feel on any given day. If you see me wearing my pencil-dress (does that make sense.. lol! It's like a pencil skirt) and heels to work, you know I'm feeling pretty good that day. If my hair is straightened and I'm wearing lipstick, you know I'm feeling AWESOME that day. That's how I see it anyway. If I rock up in my flats, business pants and a cardigan, with a braid in my hair, you know I've had a rough night with DS haha.
I don't feel compelled to always look amazing, but I enjoy using clothes and accessories as a way to bring the inside out to be seen. I felt more pressure to look fantastic all the time pre-baby. Motherhood has dulled the sense of judgement if my hair isn't immaculate one day, or I didn't bother to put on a full face of makeup. I know DS doesn't care how I look, that's for sure.......... and if DP is missing the old 'polished' me at all, well, he can use his long-term memory for that one lol. I think once you've been with someone for a few years you don't have to be gorgeous/handsome every second of every day. They remember why they fell in love with you- they know how hot you really are whether you're wearing the 'suit of armour', as I lovingly call it- or just trackie dacks and a hair scrunchie
I do and will continue to avoid the 'princess' type of viewing for my children - it's not hard, they'd rather watch things on dinosaurs, marine life, insects, bears and even horse riding instructing DVDs than anything else...so why fight it Neither of them actively seek out the stuff that other kids are apparently naturally drawn to and they have a lifetime ahead of them to learn what society expects of them...and a lifetime of practicing how to tell society to shove it
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