advice from other parents on benefits of having children close in age or not

[MantaRay]

My boys are 19 months apart. I found the first 6 - 12 months with two so young very difficult, but now that they are older it is much easier having them close in age. They are happy to play the same games, watch the same movies etc and they get along really well. Well they do fight, but it's short lived and then they're best of friends again. And very, very protective of each other. I love that they are close in age.

Interestingly my sister emailed me tonight. Her kids are 2 1/2 years apart and her baby is now 7 months. Her email said that she is now starting to see that I was right about it being hard at first with the close age gap, but gets easier as they get older.

Having said that, different things work well for different people. And sometimes things don't go to plan and that can work too!

[sasha]

S and T are 18 months apart, and the first year or so was HARD WORK. But really worth it after that. They play together and T can physically do a lot of what S can do, so they are able to do a lot of the same things. For a long while they were napping together too, which meant I could get stuff done during the day without any children, rather than having to juggle one.

The next one will be 2.5 years younger than T and 4 years younger than S, and I'm looking forward to that too. I guess it really depends on the child, as well. S is a fairly laid back kind of guy at home, and quite patient. I'm not sure T would have coped as well, had she been born first and we'd had S second. Saying that, I'm not sure how she's going to cope with the next one!

We wanted ours close in age because I was a lot younger than my siblings, and we've never really been close. But a friend has just had her second, and they're 4 years apart, and she loves the gap.

[Fleur]

My first two were just over 2.5 years apart, DS! & DS2 have a 4.5 year gap and 7 years between DS2 & DD2.

All age gaps have pros & cons IMO, it's really about what will work for you as a family. I agree with MantaRay, smaller gaps can be hard initially but will get easire as they get older. And I do love the gap I have now with Pie, all her older siblings dote on her, it's really sweet.

I had a sister with a 4.5 year gap and we played together quite a lot, as do my two boys, although the age thing does become an issue when the younger one becomes annoying

[deletedit]

the age thing does become an issue when the younger one becomes annoying

I have two 9 year old girls attempting to do 9yo girl things in DD#1's bedroom at the moment. The 2yo wants to go in there and play too. It took some serious effort and eventual dragging a tantrumming 2yo out by her feet so the bigguns could have some privacy lol

[feeb]

My boys are 18 months 4 days apart, it was hard at the start (DS1 did not start walking till 21 months so hard getting anywhere etc.
They r cute when they play together and DS1 gives DS2 hugs and kisses all the time.

I think all kids and all parents are different and there is not a right time I have friends with 12 months gaps up to others with 10 year gap.

[maz]

My first 2 are 18 months apart....I absolutely loved the age difference yet they werent close as toddlers due to W having autism.

w was almost 5 when we had DD and as much as I loved the age gap there, I found kinder and school drop offs/pick ups hard. I was also going through a very difficult stage with W at the time which made havinga baby very hard.

My youngest 2 are 16 months apart....and im seeing the benefits of them growing up now as they ahve time apart from each other due to kinder as a positive.

[TeniBear]

Another with a child's perspective, only in the opposite direction. My brothers and I are all four/five years apart (I was a month off being five when G was born, and G was four-and-two-months when B was born) and we're very close. I'm closer to G than I am to B, but that's more to do with personality than our age. I love being able to remember being an only child, just as much as I love to remember helping Mum with the new babies. I actually named G myself, because Mum and Dad couldn't decide on a name themselves, and I was there when he was born (not that my parents remember it the way I do!). I might even go so far as to say that if there hadn't been that much of a gap between us, I wouldn't want to be a mum so badly. I wouldn't have known how to change a nappy from such a young age, I wouldn't be so baby-centric... Or maybe I wouldn't exaggerate so much?

Being five years older than G lets me help him in ways I couldn't if we were closer in age - I could stick up for him and act the "scary big sister" when we were little, I can give him advice on being out in the "real" world now he's out of high school... I'm incredibly protective of them both, to a point I haven't seen in siblings that are close in age. My cousins' daughters are about my age - K is a year older than me and L two years younger - and K never had that protective feeling towards L. L was just the little annoying sister who hung around for no reason. It's only now they're older that they're close. G and myself have never had that problem.

ETA: Right now, the plan is to start TTC once each child starts kinder, giving them around a 4-5 year gap, but who knows if I might end up changing my mind? Do what you and DH think is right.