I am sure I have started a dozen threads about my DS's (nearly 5) behavior. Here is the latest thing I have no idea what to do about.
He was constantly washing his hands every time someone touched him, then got too lazy to do that so he started licking them (gross!), now if you touch any skin on him he will disappear out of the room and lick his hands and 'wash' wherever he was touched. He also pulls his sleeves down so he doesn't have to touch things and refuses to touch anything that might feel yuck. This has been going on for a few weeks now and I noticed tonight that his hands are red where he has been constantly licking. Why the f*** is he so bloody odd! It isn't normal behavior! He is so frigging hard to parent. He is just the nicest kid sometimes, a really neat boy and then other times.....
It is like he is compelled to do it - if I try to stop him licking he gets very upset and as soon as possible he will do it anyway. He isn't ASD or SPD (recently assessed). It is coinciding with a build up of tantrums again - possibly rising anxiety about starting school in September? He also refuses to wear clothes he says he isn't used to, so will only wear the same two pairs of pants and a few tops. I have been forcing the issue on that one lately and making him wear some things he doesn't want to - do you think the stress of that could be causing the licking thing?
Arrrggghhhh!!!! I don't get enough sleep to deal with this!
What can I do to stop the licking? I have tried telling him that it spreads germs, that it won't clean anything. Even washing his hands in the sink would be preferable to licking!
I think that this might be something you need professional help with. Your GP can refer you to the appropriate specialists and I think that you can claim it on Medicare of they draw up a mental health plan.
Big hugs hun. I agree with Onyx - sounds a lot like OCD (not that I'm a psychologist so could be very wrong). If you get it checked out and it's nothing, you can stop stressing, and if it is something, you can get him help sooner rather than later. xo
As a short term solution (to address the symptom not the cause) would he wear gloves? Shooter's gloves might work - they are fingerless so he wouldn't lose dexterity but the mitten bit would cover his fingers so he doesn't have to touch stuff. Or fleece gloves are very comfy and not scratchy like some wool gloves.
Also could you get him some worry beads or worry dolls?
Arte, ok your question about the handwashing is making sense now. Yes the licking thing is weird, and compulsive behaviours are often related to anxiety. I very much doubt that stress over the clothes issue could escalate the licking. It seems more likely that whatever else he is anxious about (moving house, starting school, germs, whatever) is triggering both lots of behaviours (hence an escalation in compulsive behaviours coinciding with the increase in tantrums again).
If it were me, I would get on the phone to the person who assessed him, and specifically ask about the licking and the clothes fixation and ask for them to see you again specifically about this issue, or refer to you the most appropriate service in your area. If it was just one thing you could discount it as a phase, but the clothes thing has been going on for quite a while now and he seems to be developing new fixations as well. Does SPD mean sensory processing disorder? Does that test specifically for tactile sensitivities? If so and these have been ruled out, then it would seem to point towards anxiety/compulsion, and cognitive behavioural therapy might be the best approach for helping him to manage better.
We had a really bad time over feb-march with silly behavior and a lot of tantrums so I got a referral for a child health unit but by the time we got there in April his behavior was settling down and there was only the clothes issue. We had a great May and June but now the wheels are falling off again.
I will give the social worker a call and see where to go from there. Nice to know that I am not overreacting and it is weird.
I thought about some alco-gel hand wash, but would that be encouraging it?
If he tries to wash all the time, constant use of hand or alco washes could damage his skin. What if you gave him a coloured spray bottle and just put water in it, maybe with a few drops of lemon juice. At least he wont be exposed to too many chemicals.
It does sound like OCD/SPD type behaviours so seeing a professional is important. If you think it's anxiety related, maybe doing things that reduce his anxiety will help, whether that's running around playing outside, meditation or listening to relaxing music or having a safe space he can go and be by himself when he starts to feel overwhelmed. Have you tried massage?
I made the stupid mistake of googling OCD Now all the things that used to be cute little quirks just scream mental illness Like how he loves to hoard little bits of rubbishy stuff, each in it's proper little space. I always found it amusing. Now it is just another thing on the list. Making us repeat a word until we have said it 'right', on the list too.
I contacted the lady we were dealing with a few months ago about tantrums and she is coming up from the city next week to see us. Can't complain about the service - it is a 1.5 hour drive and she didn't want me to have to do it with all three kids. So yay for that
The licking is happening all the time now, especially as a stress response. The more upset he is, the more he will lick and 'clean'.
I feel sick about it. How on earth can you F up a kid that badly in only 4 years?!
I keep thinking of all the ways we have failed. We were so bent on him sleeping alone before the next baby arrived, but looking back he wasn't even two years old. Maybe if we had just stayed in the bed with him instead of sneaking off and having him wake alone and scared all night then he wouldn't be so anxious. If I was more patient instead of snapping at him and always rushing him, maybe he wouldn't get so stressed out He is a good kid and I growl at him too much for minor things I am sure he has learned to overreact to small things because I do
If it is OCD, is it something that kids can outgrow? The thought of him spending his whole life struggling with this....
Arte, you didn't do anything that has brought this on or influenced it. He could just as likely still be like this even if you didn't try to get him into his own bed Don't go jumping the gun with the OCD - it may not be that at all. W is a complex kid, you know that yourself, and this is just another thing that's emerged. That's great the therapist is going to come to you on such short notice too. Hopefully she can point you in the right direction to try to help him. In the meantime, would it make a difference if you gave him something to lick? Even a lolly pop or something he can have instead of licking himself?
it sounds as though he has an imbalance of some sort. that means his brain works differently to yours. it is not something u caused by not doing something or rather. and by ggetting him assessed you will give him the gift of life. a life were u understand him and he can get help to live as "normal" as he can and that is totally awesome
Sent from my Galaxy with the barefoot princess covering me in kisses, so please forgive the mistakes
Not too bad, did a bit more reading on OCD and he only seems to have the compulsion, not the obsessive thoughts which is a good thing. It also seems pretty common for kids to have symptoms of it at some point and not go on to develop the full disorder.
It is bloody frustrating though, I don't know if I should be ignoring it or telling him to stop. He won't take anything out of my hand, I have to put it down for him to pick up. When I kiss him goodnight he licks his hand and washes his whole face. Where he licks his hand it is red and sore looking
I don't get it either. He can't say why he does it. Doesn't seem to have any fear of anything, he just does it. It is totally weird. And it is actually getting a bit embarrassing in public.
Reply With QuoteI think that this might be something you need professional help with. Your GP can refer you to the appropriate specialists and I think that you can claim it on Medicare of they draw up a mental health plan.
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Compulsive behavior
it sounds as though he has an imbalance of some sort. that means his brain works differently to yours. it is not something u caused by not doing something or rather. and by ggetting him assessed you will give him the gift of life. a life were u understand him and he can get help to live as "normal" as he can and that is totally awesome
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