I do not want a middie in my space constantly when I birth. I want it to be just me and DH. I don't like giving birth in front of people I know... I'd feel a bit weird having a friend there, and it sounds like you have become friends with your private middie. Hubby is absolutely fantastic at knowing my needs, when I am comfortable and when I am not. When to be silent and when to speak. It really is just a horses for courses type deal and an independent middie is not the one size fits all solution.
but your IM doesnt have to be constantly in your space you call them when you want them, you tell them to go when you want. in my case, she went and did her thang in the other room and only came in intermittently for a doppler check here and there or to place a cool washer on my neck. in my case, the fact that i built a strong rapport with my IM meant that she knew me intrinsically well enough to guage when to leave me alone or when to check in. it is hard in a forum such as this to properly describe this unique relationship.

One thing that does stand out for me is that, for the vast majority, people who have had a HB and/or the support of an IM never, ever look elsewhere for their care in subsequent pregnancies. there is never even a moment of thinking about where to birth or with whom. IMO i believe this is comes down to the fact that the uniqueness of the relationship (and not necessarily to be mingled with 'friendship'...i am not friends with my IM, i love and trust her as an IM but beyond that there is no relationship for example) means that all needs are met, not only for birthing mothers, but for the entire family (partners and children included).

as for men in the birth space, i am all for it. of course, it is up to the birthing family to choose, and in our case it was the right choice. I love the fact that there is supportive research showing that fathers present in the birth space have similar hormonal reactions to the birthing mother (most notably a super increase of oxytocin!), this all helps that wee little baby (or babies ) feel loved, safe and supported and for me, that is just awesome!

I love Spencees comment that it is about assessing what is a good outcome. Such a valid point, and one, that with our awesome access to good health, nutrition and education becomes much deeper than simply leaving it at a healthy baby and/or healthy mother. For me, a good outcome can encompass many things: for example a friend gave birth at home to a baby that (unknowingly) was born with a severe genetic condition. had this child of been born in hospital he would of died. as it stands the neurologist at the NICU where he was safely transferred have lauded the IMs handling of the situation and the life-saving measure of delayed cord clamping (his cord was kept intact until hours after birth in the hospital. this child is now a happy, mostly healthy little boy going on almost 2 years old.

In my personal case, a good outcome is one that also encompasses an outcome where a woman and her family are not left traumatised by her care providers actions. For others, it will mean something else etc. as Marushcke has mentioned, different horses for courses. Ultimately, what we are all hoping to achieve are happy families that can look back on this time of welcoming new life as one of joy, not of regret, fear or pain.

In my case, this could only be achieved at home.