I'm seriously struggling. Miss A on a good day has an unsettled period from about 2.30 pm until 5.00 pm ish. Perfectly timed for when Miss E and Miss I get home from school. It means that I collect the girls and we have a chat in the car about their days, but then the next 2+ hours are peppered with "no darling, Mummy can't do that at the moment because A needs feeding/cuddling/settling". Then its rush for baths for everyone and then getting dinner, clean up and bed.
We won't even discuss how it is on a bad day!
I feel incredibly guilty about neglecting my big girls, but can't just ignore A when she needs a feed or is upset. She hates being in a carrier unless she is settled and happy so I can't be hands free.
How do I balance everybody's needs without anyone suffering?
Its hard. Sometimes I think you have to accept that in this moment in time Miss A is more dependent and needs more of your time, and in the past and the future your other girls will have times when they need more from you than they may at other times. At our house DD1 was gettign jealous as she is the only one at school and feels she is missing out on lots so on the weekedn she has one night where she gets to stay up later than dd2 and we play board games with her for half an hour. DD2 is happy as I read her a book in bed when she goes down early (we normally read on the lounge) so its special for her.
Practical ideas I have found that works are setting up activities beforehand that I can sit with them and chat without having to 'do'. The other day they did painting which I set up earlier when things were good, I supervised and when they were done they washed their own hands and I cleaned up later. Ive also found drawing good as we can talk about what theya re doing without my having to physically do anything accept get the gear out the craft box. On the weekends I try and do one thing with each girl while my DH is there to keep DD3 happy. Puzzles that aren't too hard are good as I can normally manage to direct them if thye are having trouble.
Cooking dinner in the morning is good as it means when I do have a few free minutes later in the day its not spent stressing about getting people fed. I have also found that if DH is not home getting them showered is easier than baths, they find it fun! And I can watch while holding DD3, DD3 has a bath earlier in the day if I have to do the night routine myself
i hear ya! i feel Im forever making the boys wait cause Im busy with dd. its not so bad now she is 12 mths but still.
i make a point of saying to dd when she starts fussing -wait a mo Im busy with ... and that seems to help with fairness alittle. activities definally help. and i randomly snuggle the boys and spend a few
moments with them when i can.
Sent from my Galaxy with the barefoot princess covering me in kisses, so please forgive the mistakes
Cuddles and snuggles work well here especially at bedtime - I make a special effort to lie with each child and have a cuddle and a chat. Would do this when DD2 was a baby as well. DH works away a lot so on those nights I would try and settle DD2 first in to bed so that I could have that time with the others. Quite often they would be on the couch with books waiting until I had settled her - they would be content with that.
And unfortunately as much as I hated it, the kids would have to learn to "get over it" and deal with the fact that the baby came first for a while. Now, if you were to ask them, they would have no recollection of feeling put out. I think as adults we overanalyse things more and think that kids notice things when in reality they don't always.
Good luck.
Oh and I did have a swing thingy that worked wonders as well and would give me a bit of time!
Lulu, this isn't a practical post with great suggestions like the previous posts but I wanted to say that as the eldest of 4 kids, one of which was special needs, I don't ever remember feeling that my siblings got more attention than me when they were little and needed mum's time. I think just feeling safe and loved in a happy home is fine. I think sometimes people put too much pressure on themselves to try to be all things to all people. Having said that, I can remember my dad was really hands on when we were little. We lived in a small country town and he would be home for lunch and home early and was always there sharing the load which was probably unusual 45 years ago. So hopefully your dh can give them some extra time.
I'm struggling with this atm also. The guilt and frustration is evident in my short fuse with dh. He works nights and sleeps all day so I'm trying to keep them as quiet as possible and tend to ds2's needs as a newborn. It's all a bit much for me right now..if the weather was better then the older two could go outSide and play and be more occupied! Im glad ds1 has kinder but poor dd1 has me to try and keep her busy. I have a hug a bub which is making life easier so I can get things done round the house and help them also but it's not enough.
So I have no solution just wanted to let you know your not alone!!
I vented to my health nurse and she reassured me the other two aren't going to grow up and remember this short time of baby being number one...that made me feel a bit better!! Big hugs to you as you are doing a fine job!!!!!
I only have two, but for the first couple of months i wondered wth i had done and was it ever going to get any better. Around 4 months i really started to enjoy having both of them, especially as the baby started giving the toddler more, and so the toddler began to react in a positive way. It's not all sunshine and lollipops but it is easier than the early day now.
Yep, also struggling with our older two boys, especially in the afternoon. Like others have already said, baby's needs come first for awhile and it's probably not a bad thing that the kids learn to wait. And if you go back to your first child, they had loads of one-on-one time with you, which numbers 2 and 3 won't likely get. (poor middle child doesn't get much look in!). It should get easier as bubs gets older.
Given it's winter and our two boys aren't outside much, we're not doing baths every night at the moment. It's a struggle just to get some dinner slapped together. Bathtime for baby is usually mid-afternoon (doesn't help that you're doing school pick ups etc).
Just keep doing what you are doing . You are doing a great job. This is the hardest part, but over the coming months it will become easier and easier. I remember being exactly where you are. I ended up cooking dinner in the middle of the day so that it was all organised before the unsettled hours arrived. I would wear DD in a carrier and take the boys to the park just before dinner, just to help us all get through. My DD was so hard to settle when she was tiny, it was really hard work. But luckily it doesn't stay that way forever .
My boys have had no long-term effects from the few months I needed to give DD lots and lots of extra attention. They quickly forgot what it was like and they are all happy kids.
How to balance the needs of three?
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gorgeous lady. I'll be back later to post properly because I have to run out and get DS1 hair cut.
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