Need a little help....but no judging please!

[*Sparklez*]

believe me i feel what you are saying.. my son is 3.5 and i have had to put a spare bed in my room so i can sleep on it cause he wont sleep alone,...
Big Problem.. He used to just go to bed and i would shut the door and he would go to sleep now im falling aslep and his still up talking to himself..
I also have the same issue with him being clingy his literally up my butt with no issue living up there i reckon..

I at the moment am taking him to behavioural specialists and peads as the dr said it could be an issue that could be so simple but yet unknown if that makes sense.. Im also trying to brain wash him into believing i have monsters in my room and his room is full of cars and scooby doo but he isnt buying a thing he says he has to be with me to stop the monsters from taking me.. My DH is fed up but im also stuck..

[MummaSue]

Maybe take her to see a child specialist. If she is still experiencing extreme separation anxiety at 8 then there may be something else going on - and that something else may be so simple that it just takes a specialist to point it out and give you some help to manage it and move forward - for your sanity and for her independence!! xx

Hugs coming your way.
Sue xxx

[AliBaby]

Big to you and her.

Have youasked he why she does not want to sleep in her room? Can she draw a picture for you if she finds it difficult to explain.
Maybe you could both draw a picture of a magical bedroom for her?

You both have been through a lot. I would also be quite angry with xDH that he is allowing her to sleep in bed with him. She is 8 years old now and he is not helping the situation that you are battling with her at home.

Something else that I know a friend has for her daughter is one of those digital photo frames. She has it on her daughters bedside table and turns it on when the lights go out and tells her that all the family are wishing her sweet dreams and it just continues playing through the memory card. Maybe somehting like that might be a comfort to her and also help her to gain some bond with other family members.

Lots of to you

[Kazbah]

big, big to you. I have no advice, just want you to have my support.

[mummy2chloe]

WOW!!! thank you so much for all your replies and most of for not judging me over the last few years all i have had is people telling me that its terrible of me to allow this to happen, and that she is way to old to be in my room blah blah blah......... but none of them know understand or know what and how we got to here! I really do put it down to being forced to go to her dads all the time. Its the fact she has to leave me for a few days when she really doesnt want to, so when she is home she is right by my side. she has no trouble going to school or anything like that, none of her teachers have every said anything about her behaviour at school, they are always telling how sweet and caring she is

this afternoon i picked her up from school and we went shopping, while we were walking up and down the isle i asked her, why she doesnt like sleeping in her room and she replied "because your not with me when i am in there" " i like it mum when we are together" plus "i get scared and lonely in there without you"

I keep thinking that this isnt going to last forever, so i want to lap it up while it last cos it wont be long and she will be a hormonal teenager that will want to hang with her friends instead of her mumma. And i really dont think its a great idea to force her to do this, i think that will make things worse and if anything it would break her heart if i forced her to do this. Chloe is such a great child. She isnt like other kids i am always having mums saying to me "oh i wish i had a kid like yours" because chloe is always well mannered and never speaks rudely or hurtful to anyone. she makes friends in a heart beat and she loves everyone. and she wears her heart on her sleeve, her heart breaks very easliy, she cries in movies or she will cry if she see's something very sad on the news, and this is why i cant force this to happen cos it will really really break her heart, plus it would break mine to! She truely is a wonderful gift and i am so very proud of her and love her more then life its self.

i really dont know what to do.........do i leave it and as she gets older hopefully she will want to go to her own room. or do i take it a step further and seek help professionally? i hate letting people into my world. But then we will have the problem of her sleeping in her dads bed still. She wants to sleep in his bed cos she is so scared cos i am not there and because she misses me so much she just needs someone iykwim? and i know she has this fear that when she goes to her dads, she is scared he wont let her come home when she wants too! and of course i have tried to talk to Ex about this and of course he told me to go get f'ed. he has lost her trust and i dont think he will ever get it back and so of course when its time to go over to him she goes into melt down mode a few days before going. i feel so sad and sorry for her this isnt how i wanted my little girl's life to be like. I hate myself sometimes for what she has to go through. I feel bad i should of just stayed with him so she didnt have to go through this!! i should of just stayed with him till she was much older and then left, at least she wouldnt of had to go through what she is going through now!!

thanks again for all your advise i have definantly taken it on board and will have something to think about over then next few days and thanks again for not judging me, i really really appreciate it xxx

[MummaSue]

From what you say, it sounds like going to her dads is stressing her big time. If she doesn't want to go, then why is she?

Just putting that out there.
She sounds like a gorgeous girl, and a credit to you. No-one here would judge you!!

Sue xx

[mummy2chloe]

thanks hun, ex was going to take me to court if i didnt let him see her, so i got a lawyer and he got a lawyer and we drew up a parenting agreement that is binding till she is 16, and if any one of us breaks it in anyway we can get into deep trouble!! In the agreement he is to see her every 2/3 weeks for the whole weekend. so there is nothing i can do about it

the whole system SUXS!!!!! i had an AVO out on him at the time the contract was drawn up, because he hunted me down one night at speedway, dragged me out the back where all the cars where parked and started to beat me up...........while i had chloe in my arms the security gard had to come over and pull him off us. chloe was screaming the poor little thing, i bought this up in the meeting between our lawyers and because he wasnt hitting chloe then it means nothing. He was hitting me not her so the avo meant nothing!!! the courts and the system is all for the fathers now even if its hard on the kids, they dont give a s*it.

i wish there was something i could do, but there isnt!! everytime i have asked about it, they all say the same things. a father has a right to have a relationship with there child, and a child has the right to have a relationship with there fathers.

[AliBaby]

I used to feel the same things when Iwent to my dads house. I was about the same age as Chloe when mum and split up so I dont remember the split up but I remember it getting harder once I went to school.

i hated going to my dads but was fortunate that I had my big sister with me. I can remember not wanting to get in the cr and having screaming and kicking tantrums because I just dodnt want to leave my mum. I always watched the clock every second Sunday when we were at dads for the weekend as I wanted to make sure I was home with my mum on time or if I was lucky before 6pm. It is a lot for a child to deal with but just know one day she can make the choice and not go. I started not going to dads as much when I was 14/15 yrs old. I had stuff on on the weekends and just preferred not to go. My dad has never changed (obviously from my recent thread this week) and I am so close to my mum and can trust her with anything. It is fantastic that you have this relationship with Chloe.

Dont say that you should have just stayed with him darl and dont hate yourself. I am glad I dont remember my mum and dad together, I wouldnt have wanted to see and hear the fighting or feel the tension in the house. You did the right hting for you and Chloe and you have a wonderful husband and father to Chloe now who I know loves her very much like she is his own daughter. If you had of stayed with XH then you may not have met DH.

I will try and come back and post more later but I just wanted to say that you are a wonderful loving mum. You can just hear in your words the amount of love you have for your daughter and the amount of love she has for you back.