Big to you and her.

Have youasked he why she does not want to sleep in her room? Can she draw a picture for you if she finds it difficult to explain.
Maybe you could both draw a picture of a magical bedroom for her?

You both have been through a lot. I would also be quite angry with xDH that he is allowing her to sleep in bed with him. She is 8 years old now and he is not helping the situation that you are battling with her at home.

Something else that I know a friend has for her daughter is one of those digital photo frames. She has it on her daughters bedside table and turns it on when the lights go out and tells her that all the family are wishing her sweet dreams and it just continues playing through the memory card. Maybe somehting like that might be a comfort to her and also help her to gain some bond with other family members.

Lots of to you