Things I will never say to my daughter...

[phebee]

Far out, reading threads like these makes me so grateful for my wonderful Mum!


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[nickle730]

'You're making a rod for your own back' - (yes Kazzo, my mum too...) when I don't allow my DD to screech herself to sleep.
'She's too big for that now, you need to wean' - when BF my six month old.
'It's about time you lost that weight, isn't it?' - 6 months post birth of my third child. I gained 13 kg's when pg. with Miss P.
'I don't think you should have any more, three is enough' - I'm sorry... I did not ask for your opinion!

And my personal favourite... 'Well, don't complain. You chose to have them!'

[Rowellen]

Far out, reading threads like these makes me so grateful for my wonderful Mum!

Don't get me wrong, my mum can be wonderful & is often a big help. I am very grateful for her 99% of the time. It's just a few little comments that annoy me & I don't only get them from my mum. Well meaning aunty's, friends, other kids mum's, complete strangers. It's those comments that go over & over in my head when I've had a rough time with the kids (last night was one of them). These are things I wouldn't want to say to ANY new mum, not just my DD.

[Miss.September]

These aren't from my mum, just general comments thrown in my direction....

Just wait until you're a parent.

When are you going to try for the next one?

The gym has discounted memberships at the moment (okay, that was mum)

[beansbeans!]

I never say to my children:

I cant wait til your children are teenagers and give me the hell you gave me, oh wait they will be worse than you if you can believe that.

You're doing it wrong.

You dont deserve such a lovely partner, why cant you be more like them anyhow?

[Mollie89]

my MIL is known for making comments like most of these...

So I will never say to my DD...

"your making a rod for you back by letting her sleep with you"
"well she must still be hungry" when DD was crying from overtiredness
"when scott was a baby we use to put glycerine(SP?) on the dummy" plus about million things that you would not do today!

My mum on the other hand is amazing. i love her so much, and am very thankful for her help through my pregnancy, birth and now parenting of my daughter

[RhiChiChi]

Oh Nae, those comments are just awful, particularly the last one :-(

I must tune out to my mum and MIL b/c I can't think of any atm but I know they say some rippers

[peanutter]

"just wait until the next one" implying that as DS was a good feeder and sleeper and came out of the womb on a 4 hour routine, that Ziggy will therefore be a nightmare.

[Megan]

These would be things I would never say to my daughter or daughter-in-law since my MIL has some funny (not haha funny) comments she likes to make.

"Be careful what you wish for" after I was complaining to my mum about pregnancy aches and pains

avoid calling my grandchild by their name because I don't like it - my MIL has only just started regularly calling DS Noah. He's almost 3 and she still struggles to say his name, and doesn't hide the fact she doesn't like it.

When I was leaking breastmilk in the early weeks with DS. "Oh yuk, I don't know how you do it and it smells awful" - MIL recalling her breastfeeding experience that lasted 2 weeks with her first and refused to BF her next 2 because she thought it was disgusting.

"You haven't started TT him yet? All mine were done by 2, are you going to be dropping him off to school in nappies?" - another MIL snarky comment. There's a hundred of them with regards to our choice to use MCN's and about TT.

Mainly I will ask my children if they need help and what kind of help and be as supportive as possible. I don't have that. My mum lives 3 hours away and works full time so she can't help me out. My MIL is not supportive in any way. Everything we do is wrong because it's not the way she did it and it drives me batty. To be told occasionally that you're doing a good job would be nice.

[beansbeans!]

Wanted to add one more.

I will never ever focus my 'eye' on my children's weight. I have spent my entire life having my weight thrown in my face, being told how much of a better person I would be if I lost the weight, how I should exercise more, throw up more, starve myself more because if I do more people will like me. More people need to focus on whats on the inside, not the outside, and I dont want my girls to think their happiness begins and ends with their weight.

Actually lets just make it two more;

'A girl cant do that or this, or a woman cant do' I never want my girls to think they cant do something because of their gender alone. Dh and I dont want to stereotype them because of gender into things they like, should like, can and cant do, etc.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Things I will never say to my son, daughter, child-in-law or grandchildren:

I wish you had never been born/I wish I had never had you.
I hate my children.
No, you're wrong, you don't feel like that.
You don't want to do anything the way you want to, so I'll go out my way to ensure you do things the way I want you to which is detrimental to your health.
You should make more of an effort with your father, he just isn't good at showing that he cares or even caring.

[sushee]

From someone who has an older daugher than most on here:

"I just want you to meet a nice man so you can be happy" - umm mum, I *am* happy. I don't need a man to make me happy. They're icing, they're not the cake. My daughter has been with her partner for 3 years, but I tell her all the time that she is not defined by being part of a couple. She could easily take care of herself and be happy without a partner, and she should only stay with her partner because she wants to, not because she has to.

"Why aren't you getting dinner out for your husband?" - because he has hands and is not crippled or disabled and unable to feed himself. My daughter is a giver, and she supports her DP, his father and a household on her wage. She does plenty without being expected to serve men like they're invalid.

"You look like you've gained/lost weight' - I must have missed that split second when I was the perfect weight for you, mum, coz I never seem to be just there. I never refer to my daughter's weight. Ever. Coz I just don't notice. She is perfect, all the time.

"Your house is always a mess" - it is not. That's a lie. But the insinuation my mum likes to make is that because I work full-time, I don't have time to do the 'important' things like keep my house so spotless, you could eat off the floor, like she does. When I visit my daughter, I clean for her. And she apologises, and I tell her, you work all day, cleaning is the last thing you should be worrying about when you get home. Shut up and go rest. If I was working as much as you, I wouldn't be wasting my free time cleaning either.

"when are you getting married?" - how about never? I never ever talk about marriage with my daughter. Buying a house, yes, getting a better job perhaps, for sure! But not marriage. That is something no one should be pressured into, and to be honest, I don't think you need to be married these days to be considered 'respectable'. That sort of mentality is archaic. If she decides to marry because she wishes to make that public commitment, good on her, and I'll cry at her wedding, but her partner is already as good as my son, they don't need a piece of paper if they don't want it.

I'm sure there's more but those are the ones that get my goat the most probably.

[e_p]

If I ever develop a chronic illness or auto-immune disease, I'll seek out counselling to deal with the associated emotions and will never tell my primary school aged daughter that it's her fault I'm so sick because I make her stressed.

If my teenaged daughter ever tells me she feels depressed and has been thinking about harming herself, I'll love her, find help for her and keep her safe. I wont tell her to find someone to talk to about that because she has nothing to be depressed about.

If my daughter confides in me that she's scared of her partner, I will never roll my eyes at her and look away, then under my breath comment that I probably 'push his buttons'

If my daughter tells me she was the victim of a drink spiking and assault, I won't tell her she should have been more careful.

If I somehow forget all of the above, and my daughter has a baby one day, and she doesn't tell much about her pregnancy and doesn't invite me to the birth of my grandchild, I'll respect her decision to start her journey to motherhood the way she wants and will not call her late at night when she's 41 weeks pregnant to tell her what a selfish 'girl' she is and what a disappointment she is for excluding me.

[NaeNae]

If I somehow forget all of the above, and my daughter has a baby one day, and she doesn't tell much about her pregnancy and doesn't invite me to the birth of my grandchild, I'll respect her decision to start her journey to motherhood the way she wants and will not call her late at night when she's 41 weeks pregnant to tell her what a selfish 'girl' she is and what a disappointment she is for excluding me.

I can really appreciate this one especially. You're not alone sweets, my father rang me and abused me calling me all sorts of things when my DD1 was 6 weeks old because my mother showed up on my doorstep AFTER I had told her specifically not to come over (we had all sorts of sleep and BF issues with DD1). I stayed in my room trying to sleep while she visited DH she then went home and cried to my father who in turn rang me and abused the begeezus out of me for my selfishly bad treatment of my mother. All she could say afterwards was "I told him not to ring you" ...... yeah if you had have respected my boundaries in the first place none of it would have happened.

Bringing me to another:

I will ALWAYS respect my childrens boundaries no matter how much it kills me.

[ElleJay]

I'll read the rest later, but I'll add one :

My mum, just this morning, 'shared' one of my photos on Facebook and used the caption 'My girl ready to become a mummy again. I really hope her kids treat her the same way she treats me'
Apparently I'm the worst person in the bloody world to her!

I will NOT be saying that to my kids!


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[Calluna]

I'm so sorry these people (they don't deserve to be called "mother") have treated you this way.

[YoYo]

"I did it alone and so you can too" um.... Ok for you, but I don't WANT to do things alone. I like people!

And on the flip side of sushee's comments above "ergh men, who needs them, I'd rather a dog than a man" 1. That's my dad you're talking about, and 2. just because you're too proud to admit you had any impact in a failed relationship, doesn't mean I don't want want a man either. I'm open, man or not, just happy as I am.

And... Last but not least, If my daughter says she's tired coz her babies have kept her awake... I will NOT say "oh, I'm so tired, woke up at xyz and couldn't sleep" gah! How about not about you for a second!


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[Smoke Jaguar]

I will never tell her (or her brother, for that matter) that she is more beautiful than x (i.e. anyone else). She will be told she is beautiful on her own merits and not at the expense of what anyone else has to offer. I guess it did teach me about how destructive comparisons are and make me aware of when someone was doing it in the false sense of raising their self-esteem
No way will I ever say that she's selfish or lazy. Actions *may* be those things, and people are not. They are not things you carry around like a scar, or a tattoo you can't remove.
My daughter will never be 'too' anything.
I will never lead her to believe that my opinion is the last word on anything. Sounds trivial, but an example is when I used to think Jo Pearson was beautiful and I would look forward to watching her read the news. I was about 10 or 12. I made the mistake of telling my mum one night (who took it as a criticism of her and a rejection of her own looks - I say now with the hindsight of undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder), and she vehemently told me that Jo Pearson was NOT beautiful, she was UGLY. I questioned my opinion on aesthetics for many, many years after that, and for a few more years would ask her opinion on someone's beauty before forming my own opinion
Sadly, my mum has already done this to DS, when DS told her with his gorgeous heart that he thought Bindi Irwin was beautiful. He was so confused, and even months later would ask me about it to check that he wasn't 'wrong'.