BEWARE - sleep advice from the 'experts' MAY BE DISTRESSING

[boomba]

I am wiht you heaven should not have read it
I am actually feeling physically ill about that poor little baby being so distressed

As mums we have to do what is right for our babies, but we shouldn NEVER EVER go against our own hearts and judgement....no matter what someone told me to do I could not ever let my child get so hysterical I would prefer to cry a million tears before letting my precious baby scream

When did our babies become so inconvient and sleep become the be all and end all of parenting? Nothing, NOTHING is more important than my babies...I dont care that I am sleep depreived or have no grown up social life they will be tiny for such a short time and I will only do what feels right in my heart.

Off to hug my babies...sorry for the rant!
And OP Big higs hun what an awful thing to be told

[babymiracles]

Sorry Heaven and Boomba - it is distressing and wasn't my intention to just pass on the distress. Just wanted to make people aware that this advice is being given still. I agree wholeheartedly with all your comments and have also advised someone who works with the Infant Mental Health group of these examples - something should be done about these particular medical experts I think! I also agree that I could not let my baby cry for even 10 minutes without attending to her even if all the doctors in Australia told me too!

[Dansta]

babymiracles: i've fond that the amber teething necklace has helped DS - but i got that when he was 12 months - other mums around the traps swear by them.

I agree that babies are so little for such a small amount of time i'd take getting up and cuddleing my LO - even if there was nothing i could do - then let them cry for so long on their own. DH has made a good point in the past "every one wants their kids to grow up so fast yet they complain when they do" no medical 'expert' would EVER be able to over ride my mummy intuition. they are my babies, not a number, not a study but my baby. its one thing to take a few moments to get to your child (IE shower!) but tis another thing to leave them to cry/scream for so long, maybe these "experts" need the shoe on the other foot - we'll lock them in a room on their own for 7 hours (or until THEY throw up )and see how they cope and repeat until they feel like a young, defenceless baby feels. im fairly sure that we'd be arrested for false imprisonment!

[Starfish]

OMG! Can you please tell that last mother to put in a formal complaint? Actually, the should all do so. These so called experts should have their licences revoked for giving that advice... I was terrified reading that post that the story would end even worse than it did. That is shocking. Don't these people realise that a child can die in that space of time?? And what's with this "don't go in no matter what". No one should ever say that. No matter how strict your routines, etc, there will always be situations where you HAVE to bend the rules (e.g. if the baby gets stuck in the cot or something).

[Ginger]

Good point Starfish. how do they know that the poor bubba's arm wasn't stuck or that they had the sheets over their head or something? it's horrible that vulnerable parents who are looking for support are given advice like that.

maybe this thread should come with a warning? i'm going to be thinking about that poor baby in a cot surrounded by poo and vomit all night now....

[alioops]

As much as I dislike some forms of sleep training I am a big believer that if they are to be done they should be done in a supervised situation like a sleep school so things like this do not happen.

Hun Torrens House is a sleep school.

One of the lovely ladies on here took her DD to sleep school before she was 2, and they tried to make her wean and all sorts of other things against the WHO code. It is disgusting what these places do. They should be encouraging mothers, not telling they are doing everything wrong.

[babymiracles]

Hun Torrens House is a sleep school.

One of the lovely ladies on here took her DD to sleep school before she was 2, and they tried to make her wean and all sorts of other things against the WHO code. It is disgusting what these places do. They should be encouraging mothers, not telling they are doing everything wrong.

Just wanted to say I actually went to Torrens house when DD was 10 weeks - they do not do crying it out at all and were actually fantastic for the feeding problems I was having with DD and they were incredibly supportive. I imagine some sleep schools are better than others

[babymiracles]

Ginger - have edited my first post and put a warning on it - do you think this will suffice?

[Cocolove]

wow now thats extreme

[boomba]

Sorry Heaven and Boomba - it is distressing and wasn't my intention to just pass on the distress. Just wanted to make people aware that this advice is being given still. I agree wholeheartedly with all your comments and have also advised someone who works with the Infant Mental Health group of these examples - something should be done about these particular medical experts I think! I also agree that I could not let my baby cry for even 10 minutes without attending to her even if all the doctors in Australia told me too!

Thats ok hun, I have heard lots of distressing stories just like this. I have had to actually not let myself read them etc as it has become really distressing...but oops read yours lol......I also had to remember I cant save every baby from having to cry themselves to sleep at night...i am not talking a grizzle I am talking full blown distress cry...cause it is just breaking my spirit and trust in human nature

x

[JellyBean]

That is exactly why I trust my intuition above someone wearing a white coat with an MD on the wall. What a hideous joke. Those poor babies..... the third scenario is just plain dangerous......

So glad the first 2 couples were not silly enough to follow the advice. I hope the last couple went back to tell the paed how they found their baby the next morning. These 'experts' all too often refuse to except personal experience or anecdotal evidence simply because their medical archives don't support that. The Lancet is not gospel!!

[~MummaBear~]

this is shocking i cant believe that someone with a medical degree would say that is is fine for a child to be left for 7 hours. What i find even worse is that thoes parents stood by for 7 hours while their child was abviously hysterical. what parent in their right mind would leave a small child screaming for 7 hours? Sure the Drs have alot to answer for but for goodness sakes why do parents not think about these things. Anything could have happened to that poor little bub in that time... all for a good night sleep... i wonder how well they would have slept for the rest of their lives if something had of happened. I dont understand why people dont trust their instincts....

[Shanti]

I know we all need to support each other as Mum's but at the end of the day.... it's not only that 'health expert' that gave that Mum (last story) bad, horrible advice fault.... but also the parents of that baby need to take responsibility there for what happened also.
SURELY they knew within their hearts that they were doing the wrong thing by their baby and that there HAD to be another way? A better way? just upsets me that so many parents actually believe and follow what they are told instead of seeking other help!

Boomba - you worded that well babe. When you said "when did our babies become such an inconvenience....." etc.... well said.

[Boo Boo]

7 Hours !!!!??????????????? OMG I used to get stressed after 7 mins if I had to leave DS to cry to take a break from it in the early days!!!

With DS I refused to listen to any advice (professional or otherwise) about sleeping/crying it out, etc.....I would nod and smile but walk away from people thinking, no way will I take your advice, it was rocking to sleep for us !!

Poor poor bub

[Ginger]

Ginger - have edited my first post and put a warning on it - do you think this will suffice?

yes thank you for doing that hun

[Sterla]

That is too awful for words. That poor baby! I can't believe that any 'professional' would advise a parent to do that! Neglect is a form of abuse - I'd say leaving a baby all alone crying and screaming for 7 hours constitutes as neglect!

I wish all parents were aware that they don't have to CIO or use CC! It makes me so sad to think of all those babies out there left alone in the dark in their cots with no one to cuddle them .

[farmgirl77]

I feel really sorry for all the parents (and of course the babies) in the three examples, but especially in number 3.

I have been asked by a maternal health nurse why I did not follow my intuition about my DS when we were having issues, and it was for the simple reason that I was sooo tired, so stressed and distressed and was very much doubting my ability to be a mum and to do the 'right thing' as everything I tried was in my eyes 'failing' - an opinion which was reinforced by 'experts' every time they suggested I tried something else. So when given 'expert' advice (in my case that my DS did not have ezcema, when he did), I followed it as I had not self confidence in my ability to make rational or good decisions when it came to my baby. So I guess I look at it from that situation and think that if the couple in point three were at the same point that I was, they might have followed the advice because they had no confidence in their ability to make good decisions. In society in general we reinforce this all the time - we often seek out, and are encouraged to seek out, 'experts' to tell us what to do. The really sad thing is, that this experience could have just reinforced the parents belief that they were not doing a good job eg 'OMG we did not even know that something was wrong, or if we suspected, we did nothing' - so now it is possible that these parents dont trust their own intuition BUT now also have no trust in experts - where can they turn to if they need help?? I really hope that this is not the case, but I guess it is just another perspective.

So yep, I can sit back and say that they should have gone in and checked on the baby, but I can also identify with why they did not. Big hugs to them and I really hope that they are doing ok, because they will live with, and cry over, the image of how they found their little baby for a long long time.

FG

[CrazyLady]

Farmgirl I agree. It's one thing to criticise the parents but if thier baby isn't sleeping great them most likely sleep deprivation plays a large part in assessing the situation. It does mess up your judgement! They should have been able to trust the "expert" but instead the expert pointed them in the wrong direction. I really feel for them!